Before our ceremony begins please rise for the playing of this years Playahata.com Anthem, “What Would You Do?” by Paris. (What would you do if you / knew all the things we knew / would you stand up for true / or would you turn away too / and then what if you saw / all of the things that’s wrong / would you stand tall and strong / or would you turn and walk away? ……Okay you may now be seated)

R&B Album of the Year: (Tie) Comin’ From Where I’m From - Anthony Hamilton & The Diary of Alicia Keys - Alicia Keys

Anthony Hamilton has come a long, long way and paid some serious dues and if the masterpiece that is Comin’ From Where I’m From, is any indication, then he isn’t going anywhere now that he’s arrived. The only question is if anyone will notice him. It seemed nobody did until 2002 when the Nappy Roots track “Po’Folks”, which featured Hamilton’s vocals, was nominated for a Grammy at the 2003 Awards. A former backup singer to D’Angelo, Hamilton has drawn comparisons to such classic R&B vocalists as Bill Withers and Bobby Womack. Hamilton struggled for the better part of the 1990s as two of his albums went unreleased, and 1999's XTC was hardly noticed, making this his 4th run at fame. But listening to this album you get the impression that Hamilton’s singing isn’t about fame, it’s about “Soul”! And you know Hamilton got it, like Rakim in the late 80’s. Who would have thought that he would end up signed to Jermaine Dupri’s So-So Def (I guess Dupri is good for something, but Anthony you better higher an accountant).

After a debut album that was solid but ridiculously over-praised, Keys has returned with an open 'can of whup-ass' for the sophomore jinx, while dropping an album that is “100% Haterproof”, and winning some of even the staunchest detractors over. Keys went digging in the crates for this album, not for samples, but for “a feeling”, and she finds it on songs like the lead single “You Don’t Know My Name” and “If I Ain’t Got You”. And even when she isn’t looking for that “feeling” she finds a lot of other good things. Sure the way the industry sweats her might drive you up the walls, but we give credit where credit is due.

Rap Album of the Year: (Tie) Sonic Jihad - Paris & The Love Below/Speakerbox – Outkast

Not another split award! Yeah that’s right sharing is a good thing, if more people knew how to do it, the world would be a much better place. Besides it ain’t like we’re actually giving out little gold awards. Musically the album certainly deserved it, but we were very supportive of his effort in the period leading up to the album’s release, so we were a little worried about the appearance of impropriety. But eventually we said, funk dat, this is Playahata.com, in other words no payola or hook ups allowed! Some may feel that the album was a little heavy on expletives, so if you have sensitive ears then get the censored version,  - this ain't gospel! That being said, after a long hiatus, Paris ‘set-tripped’ and ‘rode-out’ all over the current administration, the current political climate, and rap music scene, and he did it over some banging beats. On top of that he did it independently - producing, promoting, and marketing his own album – guerrilla economics from Guerrilla Funk. A Bush in office must bring out the worst, or better yet, the best, in Paris.

Arguably the most consistent and creative rap duo to ever grace a stage, Outkast returned to the music scene with their 5th LP – Speakerbox/The Love Below. And once again, they did something groundbreaking and classic. Since Hip-hop discovered the double disc fans have been force-fed filler quality material that probably wouldn’t have made a single CD, and since Outkast’s second album, it seems people have been waiting for the duo to split up. So what did Outkast do? Of course something that nobody else had done before, release a double CD that featured a solo album from each artist. While most of the south was hollering, “getting crunk”, and showing their teeth too much for comfort, Outkast was making history and good music at the same time. Big-Boi’s more than solid Speakerbox probably didn’t get the credit it deserved, but that was likely due to the brilliance of Andre 3000’s The Love Below, which might not have been even 50% rap, but it was 100% Hip-Hop… just ask Afrika Bambaataa.

Movie of the Year: The Last Samurai

For the most part 2003 contained less outstanding films that were “must sees”, due to their social commentary and/or representation of members of our community, than last year, and we missed one that possibly could have won this year, so this year’s Movie of the Year comes to you with a small asterisk. We heard very good things about one film called “Dirty Pretty Things”, but limited promotion/availability of the film, and schedule conflicts/miscommunication on our part prevented our Hata field agents from seeing it. As for our winner, we know what you were thinking when you saw the ad, because we were thinking the same thing – Caucasian man superhero comes to foreign and inferior culture, masters or conquers it, “macks” all the women, whips the asses of all the men, civilizes or saves the society’s people – and then rides off into the sunset. But “looks can be deceiving”, “never judge a book …..”, and any other cliché you can come up with. Edward Zwick's The Last Samurai is an uncommonly thoughtful epic. Tom Cruise and Ken Watanabe co-star, Cruise as scraggly, alcoholic, Civil War veteran, Nathan Algren, and a Watanabe, as the proud samurai warrior, Katsumoto. Cruise is brought to Japan as an American mercenary to suppress a samurai rebellion. The Last Samurai breaks with the convention that the “western” white hero is always superior to the local culture he immerses in, but it goes a step further, almost arguing that Katsumoto's traditional society is superior to the one Cruise is fighting to impose. The film’s power is compromised only by an ending, that kind of goes “shady business” on us and bows to the Hollywood consensus, turning a bit sappy and unnecessarily sentimental.

Honorable Mention:

City of God - A Brazilian gangster flick, seemingly featuring real people, with a tinge of social commentary. Picture Goodfellas and Pulp Fiction, but you’re too busy being shaken and stirred to think the bad characters are “cool” in the back of your mind (beside Lil’ Ze isn’t even a little cool).

Lord of the Rings 3: Return of the King – once again a standout film that was long as all hell, but it’s kind of hard to get an award from us in a movie about the triumph of “good over evil”, with no real social message and without a single person of color, in the almost 4 hours of this movie, or the 6 hours that preceded it.

Teflon Don Award (Non-stick Personality of the Year): R.Kelly 

“Gimme that toot toot, gimme that beep beep (we liked Dave Chappelle’s version better)”. This year’s award goes to none other than Robert Kelly, and he has many of us to thank. “The R in R & B” made his directorial debut videotaping his twisted and lewd sexual acts with adolescent girls last year, but it seems the Chicago Police Department was hating on his Oscar Award. Sure it was a little embarrassing and “The Pied Piper” had to do a couple of uncomfortable interviews about the situation but some legal finagling and (probably some payoffs), may eventually make this situation go away. In the meantime R.Kelly is back to dominating the pop charts with at least 10 hits that he either, performed, wrote, or produced this year alone and an album, Chocolate Factory, that debuted at #1. Since the tape allegations came to light Kelly has written or produced songs for the biggest names in pop including J.Lo, Britney Spears, and Michael Jackson, in addition to, almost household names, like Ginuwine, Missy Elliot, Marques Houston, and B2K. It’s also been reported that he is working on a presumably terrible “Best of Both Worlds” sequel with Baby of Cash Money. On top of that he’s still loved by young to middle aged ladies, even if he’s more attracted to their daughters and little sisters. If it’s on commercial radio, it’s R & B, and it’s about a club, a hotel, being a playa’, or “bling-bling”, and “ya boy Kels” isn’t singing it, then he probably produced it. And despite all his trouble with the ‘kiddies’ that still didn’t stop him from naming one of his post-sex video albums, The Chocolate Factory – now that’s gangster.

Guilty Before Proven Innocent Award: Michael Jackson 

As the facts come out, the case against Jackson is beginning to look more and more flimsy. However, that won’t stop the media from lynching you in America, especially if you’re a black male (yes despite the physical changes MJ still is a black male, …well a grayish tinted, black male, but a black male nonetheless). And now rumors are swirling trying to turn MJ into a member of the Nation of Islam. Damn Mike, you got them pulling out their good ropes now. If Jackson survives these latest, accusations and charges he can keep doing his humanitarian work, but he needs to get on some old school Fresh Prince stuff and say “kids of the world ain’t nothing but trouble”. Whether the kids love you and you got a football field sized bed, or not, you’re in your mid-forties Michael - the sleepovers have to stop! Don’t give them any more rope, they been tying nooses for well over a century now, and they’ve become quite good at it.

Runner up: 

Kobe Nobody goes to the hole as hard as this guy…. (ok that was cheap). No matter guilty or innocent of rape, he is guilty of stupidity and needs to get a shoe upside his head for being dumb enough to put himself in such a situation.

Chevron Award (Most Overrated and/or Gassed up Artist): 50-Cent 

Could it be anyone else? He hustled his way up from the bottom through the mix-tape circuit and now he's having his day in the sun. Of course nothing helps a rapper's sales like getting shot. The backing of Eminem and the production credits of Dr.Dre can't hurt either. Commercially he did accomplish some things for himself in 2003. He sold 6.5mil of his appropriately titled album, "Get Rich or Die Tryin’" LP, and had the G-Unit album also go platinum; he got a sneaker, started a clothing line (who didn’t), seemed to have about 8 songs at once, in repetition - excuse me - "in rotation" on the national airwaves, and all while ruining Ja-Rule's career. Ironically, last time it was Ja-Rule who got this award, and that in itself, should be a lesson. However, humility is not in Fiddy-Cent’s single-syllable vocabulary, so he had no problem taking pop-shots at other rappers (lil’Kim, Jay-Z at their joint concert, etc) or kicking others while they were down (Mr.Cheeks). You would think such a mediocre talent would be a little less arrogant, take for example how he talked about the rest of the G-unit in a recent rap magazine interview, “G-unit is NOT a democracy at the end of the day, I'm the boss...we got a family situation but they follow directions, if you don't follow directions you go, cause I can't afford to lose!” Today, TV and commercial radio, and consequently, pop-culture is in love with his ignorance, syrupy delivery, ultra-simple rhymes, and dollar worshipping lyrics but as it was once said, “…on MTV, but they don’t care/ they’ll have a new #$#$# next year”.

Runner Up: 

J.Lo - Although, she’s seemingly been on the low lately, suffering from a bad case of overexposure, and that sickness called Gigli that clears out movie theaters quicker than a bad SARS cough, we didn’t forget about her. Yup, she’s still making all types of outrageous demands for dressing room and personal accommodations, she’s still a mediocre actress, and a sub-par singer – and as far we’re concerned – she’s still a In Living Color “Fly Girl”.

Allen Iverson Award (Artist Trying the Hardest to Crossover): Justin Timberlake

From the moment 'N Sync dropped their bubblegum-pop debut in 1998, it was obvious who would be the boy band's breakout star. Four years later, Tennessee native Justin Timberlake a.k.a “Milk Chocolate” has finally pulled an Ice Cube and kicked off his solo career with his heavily hip-hop, soul, and Michael Jackson, influenced debut - Justified. In fact it’s alleged that Timberlake tried to cross over so hard, that he is being sued for almost $10 million by his former tour manager, Ibrahim Duarte, for racial abuse (we thought R&B music fans would file that suit). Duarte claims Justin, and his band-mates, told him and other black employees, "You n------ ain't worth s---" and that he endured "constant racial slurs, jokes and belittling comments."

Least Likely to Succeed: The Bravehearts 

You should have been on to these guys the first time you heard them, even if it was on "Oochie Wally" (if you really listened you could tell they were going to be garbage then). The duo of Wiz and Nas's younger brother, Jungle, approach lyricism with all the crassness and lewdness of a 8-year old that just learned a bunch of bad words. Immediately making a bid for the title of world’s most ignorant rap group, the fact that the Bravehearts have been able to put out an album and secure a record deal is testament to the pro-ignorance forces controlling rap, and an painful case of "My-manz-an'em-rap-too-itis" - the usually terminal illness that leads to sorry-ass rappers getting put on because they are friends, lovers, or relatives of established acts (see Charlie Baltimore, Chingy, etc). Even Nas guest appearing on tracks can’t save these dudes. And speaking of Nas, he should be beaten with a bag of spoiled ‘Chitlins’ for letting his wack-ass brother in the game. I know jungle is a grown man, “gotta eat”, and is responsible for himself, but DAMN Nas, didn’t you teach him anything?!

Most Likely to Succeed: Kanye West 

We probably shouldn't even be giving him this award since West pretty much already has succeeded in many ways. He's laid down tracks, for the household names at Rocafella to the semi-underground likes of Talib Kweli, and this year he'll be coming to a record stand near you after laying tracks for himself. Yes, if you didn't know already Kanye rhymes too, in fact that's what he originally got in the game to do, before he got sidetracked making beats. Don't be surprised if West's rhymes are more than halfway decent too, if his forays into spoken word poetry, are any indication.

Mantan Award (Community Disservice Award): Janice Rogers 

She’s known as Ms. Clarence Thomas to many of us. Janice Rogers Brown is an associate justice on the California Supreme Court. On July 25, 2003, "Dubya" nominated Justice Brown to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit. The American Bar Association has given Justice Brown its lowest possible passing grade, a qualified/not qualified rating. When Brown was nominated to the California Supreme Court, three-fourths of the California State Bar’s Commission on Judicial Nominees rated her unqualified for the position because of her lack of experience and her tendency to inject her own personal views into her judicial opinions. Brown’s speeches and opinions are evidence that she is “bass ackwards” and has an extremely narrow view of everything. Her highlights include: banning affirmative action, denying effective remedies to victims of unlawful discrimination, and barring civil rights claims just to name a few. Brown's lack of relevant connections or experience make it clear that Dubya went 3,000 miles away to nominate Janice Rogers Brown because she is African-American and an extreme conservative who will tip the balance of the D.C. Circuit further to the right.

Eat and Sleep Award: The Ying-Yang Twins

“HAAANNNNHH” – or whatever the skinnier twin’s catch phrase is. The twins stole this award late in the year with their appearance on Black Exploitation Television’s 106 & Park (They should call the show “18 & Under”). The Twins almost made me dust off my copy of Bamboozled to see if they were part of some rap parody, but unfortunately they are actually real people. And your suspicions are absolutely right, we don’t remember their names, but do we really need to? Ain’t NO Ying or Yang in these two, they’re both coons.

The Antonio Fargas Award (Pimp Player of the Year): Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California

He ran for Governor on the strength of a few old clichés like, “I’ll Be Back” and other catchy pop culture phrases like “The Governator”. He realized that celebrity is the fastest growing religion in America and a plan was not necessary. He was in way over his head and he knew it, but he banked on the dumbed-down American public coming to the polls and was confident that to them facts and figures wouldn’t matter. Californians voted for Schwarzenegger although he had no plan or platform because they adored his movies. His top economic adviser boasted that they were going to triple the property tax and people didn’t even flinch. He won a traditionally democratic state despite claiming he had the same philosophy and approach to things, as Ronald Reagan and that his own political platform "is exactly what Ronald Reagan stood for." So hold up, Arnie does have a political platform. Maybe he forgot, he forgets a lot of things, for instance his Nazi-linked past (although Nazi war criminal Kurt Waldheim was at his wedding). He forgot why he was meeting with Enron CEO Ken Lay in Beverly Hills in May of 2001, and he forgot about his creepy associations with key figures in the California energy crisis (rolling blackouts sound familiar). This pimp is consistent on one thing thou, he has been treating women badly for 30 years. Although six women stepped forward with allegations of his sexual violations from 1970 to 2000, Arnie simply said he had "behaved badly" in the past and apologized to anyone he offended. Driving a fancy car (Hummer), displaying anti-woman values throughout his career, and getting rich in the process. He is definitely our pimp of the year.

Runner Up: Kenneth Lay former CEO of Enron 

We’ve been holding this one back in the hopes that charges would be filed at some time but it's been almost three years and Ken still hasn’t been arrested, charged, made to repay any of the money he stole from Enron Employees (some people’s life savings), nor has he paid a fine. It’s obvious that he got away with this but not without a Playahata Pimp Award. He was the Chairman of a company involved in on of the biggest Scandals in American history (66 Billion dollar fraud) and despite tons of evidence against him, not a single criminal charge has been filed against him. He sold (dumped) 93,000 Enron shares in 2 days (total share dump was worth about $100 million) and urged employees to buy, buy, buy, company stock (hoes). He pocketed 200 million in approximately 13 months. He’s probably golfing with President Bush right now and plotting his next gangster move on some unsuspecting American employee. Yet, he had the nerve to have his wife cry on NBC, claiming that they lost it all. Bishop Don Juan, you better put down that cane and cup and take notes. Ken Lay is a P.I.M.P. and “he’ll teach you how to stunt!”

ODB AWARD (Most Deluded and/or Strung Out Personality): Ozzy Osbourne

At 55 years old he has been getting high a long time and doing crazy antics while under the influence. His last antic almost cost him his life, when he crashed his ATV. We’re not sure if he was high when he fractured his collarbone, eight ribs and a neck vertebra when the 600-pound vehicle he was riding flipped and landed on top of him at his estate in Buckinghamshire, Southern England, on December 8th, but he spent a week on a ventilator. Whether it is biting off the head of a live bird some years ago, or some other deluded activities he was involved in daily on his “reality” television show on MTV, it has become quite obvious that America accepts this pale embodiment of junkie supreme as a spokesman for soft drinks and whatever else he wants to do. When he visited the White House the President’s handlers said Bush loved Ozzie’s show – so much for family values.

Runner Up: Russell Jones 

Who is Russell Jones, you ask? Why that’s “Big Baby Jesus”, a.k.a. “Dirt McGirt”, or simply Old Dirty Bastard’s government name. Yes ODB is out of jail and runner up to claim his own award. This brotha’ was exploited about as much as an artist can be exploited within one month of his release from prison. It appears that he has adopted the motto of rapper Fabolous which is “if you can’t be used, then you are useless”. We’re still not sure which media got the most out of him, but it was probably a tie between VH1 who gave him a feature called “ODB Out on Parole” or MTV who gave him a reality series called “Everybody Loves Dirty”. Of course, before he could even smell freedom completely, Rocafella records signed him and held a small press conference. (ya’ll know how it is, parties and hookups when you come home from jail, nothing when you come home from college). We don’t know if he was actually high when all this was happening but most of the stuff he was saying makes you think, he had to be high. He claims he was high while recording his past Wu-Tang albums and can’t remember recording them - he only remembers the hangovers. Unfortunately he was incarcerated for nearly two years on drug charges, when he probably should have been in a hospital getting treatment like Robert Downey Jr. was afforded, but then again ODB, who has been arrested over 10 times, did escape a court ordered rehab. Plus when you are a dead-beat dad to more kids than you can count on both hands (13) people approach everything about you with caution. I think Rapnewsdirect summed it up best, saying that “ODB embodies the epitome of Americas' fascination with - and celebration of - the dysfunctional, our love for the slow-motion train wreck. Unfortunately, what seems to make him entertaining is that he is a poster-boy for the real life problems plaguing the black community”. He says he doesn’t want to talk about drugs or jail anymore and is reporting that he is sober. He’s picked up some weight so at least we know he isn’t on crack, but sober might be a stretch. With MTV cameras trained on his every utterance, ODB was asked for the secret to his success and he replied, “I just straight up eat a bitch’s feet!” We actually hope he was high when he said that.

Of course we are not talking about the simple blonde girl but the GuerillaFunk rap artist. When DMX first coined the phrase "Brotha with the High Score", it was meant to show - here's somebody doing something (worth copying) that others wanted to do. They are the Brotha (or Sista) with the high score that you're trying to get. and they are doing something to make us take notice. We move that beyond the realm of video games and into real life as of year end he's sold 102,000 CD's independently, that's only 10% of platinum status but platinum artist don't even get a buck per CD, while Paris receives somewhere in the range of $9 dollars off of each CD. If you do the math you will see that if he can sell approximately 9,000 more then he will have done a million dollars in sales of his latest LP. Most rap artist nowadays only reach 7-figure status by selling their souls with tales of nihilism, black on black destruction, pimping, Cristal drinking, and material consumerism. Even after all that they usually haven't made a dime for themselves, and they have to tour all year long to make any money. Paris used his own money to invest in his self and his audience, independently produced an album that was educating and entertaining, and was so good that even mainstream publications like the Chicago Tribune had it on their list of the top10 rap albums of the year and Sonic Jihad received 4 Mics from "The Source". If you are like us, you sometimes cringe when you see rappers on TV discussing issues. You cross your fingers hoping they don't embarrass Hip-hop and themselves with inarticulate attempts at "keeping it real". In 2003 Paris took on the conservatives at the FOX radio and cable television outlets and articulated an educated proletariat message that could make a slave smile. In addition he owns all the music he creates not his label. 

Runner up: Al Sharpton 

He's hopelessly running for President and has brought some real issues to the forefront in American politics unlike Carol Mosely Braun (who just dropped out) but we can go but so far in highlighting him until he cuts the perm out of his hair.

Runner Up: Nobody, giving Irv an award was risky enough.

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