Let's get one thing straight. My intent is to bring into clear focus the advantages of our femininity and how so many of us on various levels have exploited ourselves and continue to do so. It is our self-exploitation that is breeding young women even more morally bankrupt than we ourselves. I am speaking in terms of women that strip/dance, nude/trick for money.

I live in Atlanta which seems to be the booty club metropolis and much too often I hear my young beautiful sistahs bragging about their lifestyle as exotic "dancers" and various "dates" they go out on for the love of money. Rarely do I ever hear open conversation about down side of this supposed glamorous lifestyle. I have witnessed firsthand the emotional toll it takes on these young ladies because I worked as a bartender for over 3 years in some of Atlanta's most popular and notorious "booty clubs". Being originally from Northern California where this lifestyle is not mainstream, I had no idea of what I would witness just being a bartender. My initial opinion of women who stripped for a living was one of "whatever pays the bills", but the utter destruction that I witnessed of these ladies I grew to know and have concern for made me realize this is not the life a female should have to lead to provide for herself, children, or to obtain an education.

I met several females that began dancing to "pay their way through school" who ultimately end up addicted to some type of substance more commonly more than one or who abandoned or delayed their mission to obtain a degree. Most often they wound up in dysfunctional relationships that were either heterosexual, bisexual, or sometimes both. I have known strippers who were killed, raped, and turned out into full-time prostitutes.

As a bartender, I was privy to all sides to one story by each member of the same bullshit scenario. I did little to offer feedback because I knew what I had to say was not at all what these ladies wanted to hear. I've witnessed women being turned out by other women, and over heard plots to do just that.

I would ask these women why they tolerated this lifestyle and overall, the answer was in essence the same: the money. Of course, there were varying reasons but the bottom line was always money.

"Where else could I make $1500 in one night?" "

I don't have no skills that would pay me this money in 2 weeks!"

"If niggas want to pay me to shake my ass naked in their face, why not?"

"It's fun and the money's good".

"This is just temporary until I get out of school".

"Because I dance, I got the best of everything now. Designer clothes and shit, tight ass apartment, I got the car I want. And just for shaking my ass, it's easy money!" And my personal favorite:

"It's not like I'm fucking these niggas. A few dances, some conversation, and I'm paid"

I sat there month after month and listened to the same answers over and over. And as time progressed I saw these same dancers begin to dance for altogether different reasons. $1500 in one night soon became $500, not having any skills meant that they had to develop "new" skills besides making their asses clap When fast money slows down - as it always does - you have 2 choices, step up the game you are currently in or leave it alone. Sadly most women chose to take dancing to that next level which included prostituting - "dating", sleeping with women and men, or engaging in lesbian acts on stage and behind closed doors for profit. It's a trip how this lesbian shit keeps coming up huh? Then there are opportunities to be further exploited in music videos, pornos, and printed pornography.

Any job has it's normal ware and tear on our psyche's whether you are a CEO or CSR (customer service rep) just the monotony of any position begins to become boring and nerve wracking, how about dancing naked for strangers on a nightly basis? Dancing for men (and women) you wouldn't want to look at you on the street let alone touch you. Some of the men that came in the clubs sometimes grossed me out and all I did was serve drinks. I couldn't imagine some of these jokers in my face with their hot ass breath looking like they stink, let alone having to be up on them like I'm attracted to 'em. The usual antidote to stripper burn out is alcohol and/or drugs.

I think there are more aspects to this game than anyone has given thought to before. I think the entire lifestyle is addicting and with any addiction comes sickness. Dealing drugs is just as addicting to the dealer, as it is to the fiends that use them. The money itself is like a drug. A drug that can lull to sleep even the most devout Christian, respectable mayoral candidate, and many other elected officials. I have long said that one of the hardest things for a black man to do is leave the streets, because it is in the streets that he is validated where in most other aspects of society he is not.

The same is true for dancing. The money is addicting. The lifestyle is addicting and seen to be glamorous. Initially it may seem even easy or fun but what is overlooked by so many who judge these women harshly and also by the women that work as strippers themselves - is the emotional need that is being fed like a bottomless pit never to be filled. I don't even think that women who dance realize that it does fill more than a financial need.

Let's look at the facts. The fact is ( like it or not ya'll) a woman that would sell her body or utilize her body in the manner of that of a stripper can not, I repeat, can NOT have a healthy self-esteem. Yes, they are some beautiful women out there with nice bodies that indeed are proud of their looks and their shapes but a woman who is truly proud, emotionally sound, and worth her salt - does not need to make money in this fashion. Something is amiss in this lady's psyche that she may or may not be aware of. Most people get jobs, real jobs to pay their bills no matter how "cute" they are. What is it that can persuade these women to choose this career path? They don't prepare you for this type of occupation in any school in America. Why? Because it is not respected. Case and point - something has happened in this young woman's life to make her believe that all she is is a pretty face and a nice ass. Whether it be sexual abuse, poverty while growing up, lack of education, or low self-esteem (not based on outward appearances) something or someone has led this woman to believe that she is not a precious daughter of God or whomever she worships. Somehow, the truth has been hidden from her about who she truly is and her purpose in life. For college students that move away from home to attend college and get caught up in this lifestyle I submit that something is missing in this young girls life also. None of us comes from a perfect family where money grows on trees - I can't lie. Everyone that has a dream has it hard. But if this lifestyle is so "great" then why aren't more men doing it? Why aren't young male doctors and lawyers selling ass through school to make ends meet? Why aren't male engineers and business majors involved in homosexual freak shows for profit? I know these activities wouldn't be as profitable, as it is for females (but a market does exist). The answer is that men dictate society's likes and dislikes. If there were no market for it, it would not exist. If there were no patrons, it would not pay. That goes across the board for any vice out there. It is really up to the individual to examine and establish what they will and won't do. What they are worth and what they are better than. How they will live and die. And overall, what it is they stand for. Without clearly defining these concepts before going out there in that big dirty ass world - will only lead more and more women to be exploited and disrespected.

As girls, we are raised to be appealing to men. It is our deepest desire because it embodies the essence in which we were made (wo-Man). We are created for the man. To be first desired, then loved, and protected by him. Women spend exorbitant amounts of money on articles to make us look more attractive to men. Everything we do is in essence is to be more attractive to men -shopping, salon trips, working out, etc. Yes, we are doing these things for "ourselves" but deep down inside it's really about attracting the opposite sex. It feeds our (She)-go While men on the other hand have various activities that they do to feed their ego that have nothing remotely to do with women. We are primmed and primed to be some man's wife by our mothers and judged by family members at early ages as to what the requirements of femininity are. If we are said to lack in any of these areas - we carry it with us for years.

Dancing in a provocative way can make any women feel sexy and desirable. It fills that need we have as women to feel worshipped, beautiful, and in control. To parade in front of a man showing him just what he wants to see, and he knows he can't have it (at least right then) is about control and a sense of pay back. This is the emotional black hole that I briefly mentioned. To be able to be desired by not just one man - but a room full - will do something to any woman' She-go. It dismisses those things we don't like about our looks: knobby knees, bowleggedness, pigeon toes, etc. The will and ability to tease and torment a man with our bodies is in every woman. But it is when this need translates into casual sexual encounters which combined with the shame index that causes the emotional duality that is experienced by so many in the adult entertainment industry. It's like the lifestyle itself is a deadly drug combination of uppers and downers. On the one hand, it is exhilarating and exciting. On the other hand, the guilt and shame can whoop your ass. It's the guilt that families don't raise their daughters to turn tricks, commit lewd sexual act for money. It is the inner knowledge that comes from somewhere (or at least should) that tells us - this type of behavior is wrong. Not trying to come off judgmental, but money can not be substituted for morals.

It is more than just the money and lifestyle that are addicting, it's the emotional need that is being temporarily satisfied. However, not everyone stoops to this type of lifestyle to feed this emotional need void.

I am familiar with all of the excuses, retorts, and basic ignorant ass comments as to why women live this way. I've heard every excuse in the book but I've never heard any woman be real about it and admit that it is wrong and degrading. I guess my understanding is limited because money could never mean that much to me. Growing up I was told that "all money is not good money" but if you try to tell some of the ladies that, they will cuss you out - (you maybe, but not me). There is also a responsibility that lies with the man but I know that is a lost cause. The sad part is that these men are not being exploited and labeled but women are. Rap videos are a whole 'nother column so ya'll will have to stay tuned.

I'm saying ladies: no amount of money is worth your self respect and that everything you do in life will have a consequence equal to the offense. Don't think that this type of occupation doesn't have its dues to pay and until they become due, you never know how expensive they are. Love yourself enough to know that you don't have to bend over to make a living.

The views and opinions expressed herein by the author do not necessarily represent the opinions or position of Playahata.com.