Now I'll be the first to tell you, I am generally not a fan of listing artist in terms of being the "top this", "the best that", or "the greatest whatever", unless people are doing it for their own entertainment. Music is art (at least it's supposed to be) and as such judging it is dependent on the taste of the person doing the judging. Also unless we have some clear guidelines about what "great" or "the best" (at what), means the whole ranking doesn't mean much. That being said, WHAT the Phuck was that nonsense, "50 Greatest Hip-Hop Artist" program, VH1 had the nerve to begin airing this past weekend. How pretentious that VH1, of all music channels, would even attempt to produce such a program. It's also ironic that VH1 started out as a music channel not very fond of having anything to do with rap, but since the spawning of the station, they have been forced to "bow down, kiss the ring", and fall in line for their chance to exploit Hip-Hop for it's money making abilities. I know I shouldn't care what VH1 thinks, and really I don't, but unfortunately their viewing audience is in the millions. In a couple of days or weeks some pre-pubescent, acne-faced, celebrity worshipping, youngster is going to be contacting me complaining about something I said about their favorite rapper, using this poor excuse for a ranking as a reference, so I can't let VH1 ride for this one.

If you didn't see the show it was hosted by Sean "P.Diddy" Combs and featured spliced interviews with many artist or people close to the music biz, giving their thoughts about other artist and their work. I guess the interviews were thrown in to give the selection process more weight, because I doubt most people interviewed had any idea where they would land on this list, or if they would land on the list at all. If you didn't see the show the list is posted on VH1's website and went as follows: (50) Sugarhill Gang, (49) Tone Loc, (48) Kool Moe Dee, (47) Arrested Development, (46) Eve, (45) Heavy D. & The Boyz, (44) MC Hammer, (43) Coolio, (42) Kurtis Blow, (41) MC Lyte, (40) Gang Starr, (39) Ja Rule, (38) Biz Markie, (37) The Roots, (36) Master P, (35) Big Daddy Kane, (34) Lil Kim, (33) De La Soul, (32) Cypress Hill, (31) Naughty By Nature, (30) Will Smith / DJ Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince, (29) Nelly, (28) Busta Rhymes, (27) A Tribe Called Quest, (26) Ice Cube, (25) Snoop Dogg, (24) Queen Latifah, (23) DMX , (22) KRS-One / BDP, (21) OutKast, (20) Eric B & Rakim,(19) Nas, (18) Afrika Bambaattaa, (17) Fugees / Lauryn Hill, (16) Ice T, (15) Missy Elliott, (14) P. Diddy, (13) NWA, (12) Wu-Tang Clan, (11) Beastie Boys, (10) Jay-Z, (9) Salt N Pepa, (8) Grandmaster Flash, (7) Dr. Dre, (6) Eminem, (5) LL Cool J, (4) Notorious BIG (3) Tupac Shakur, (2) Public Enemy, (1) Run-DMC [Despite what appears on the website, on the actual program broadcast, I recall P.Diddy was actually number 12 and Wu-Tang was 14].

What group of interns, executives, new-jack hip-hop parasites, or crack-heads put this so-called "50 Greatest Hip-Hop Artist" list together? The people need to know, perhaps we will send some goons to visit them some time. Why is it that I get could get arrested for using Xcstasy, Angel Dust, and Heroin but VH1's staff get to produce a TV program when they get high? Talk about your double standards!

In this situation it's not even clear how you measure "greatness", especially since no clear set of criteria was put forth. Is it about longevity? Is it your overall contribution? Is it what you pioneered or originated? Is it lyrics? Is it how long the music endures or your number of classics? Is it sales and or chart toppers (I hope not)? Is it some combination of all these? Who the hell knows, but personally I feel if the word "great" is to have any meaning, then I don't even know if 50 "Great Hip-Hop Artist" exist. However, under what conceivable set of criteria could VH1's list make any sense. I'll basically let the top 5 ride, although only my number 1 would probably have been the same. However, in what alternate universe are KRS-1, Rakim, and Nas only the 22nd, 20th, and 19th "Greatest" Hip-Hop artist of all time, respectively? Somehow KRS-1 saying, "I'm still number 22" just doesn't have that same ring to it. 

On what planet do Tone Loc and Coolio make this list but Slick Rick, EPMD, Kool G. Rap, Whodini, and Doug-E-Fresh do not? How did Ice-T make it, and into the teens at that, he isn't even the 16th best rapper-turned- actor. He may be one of the best producers ever to do it, but Dr. Dre can't be in the top ten for his rapping. P.Diddy on the list, and at number12? Missy Elliott at number 15? If they're giving out spots for production or other contributions then why not throw DJ Premier and Timbaland in for good measure. As a matter of fact just go all out and grab some graffiti and break dancing crews. Hold up, hold up, my fault this is VH1 - what the hell do graffiti and break-dancing have to do with Hip-Hop? Really I need to know, who the hell is responsible for this list madness? How is Big Daddy Kane number 35 - behind the likes of Lil'Kim and Will Smith. How the hell do you put Grandmaster Flash on the list without the Furious Five? Damn some people got short memories! I like the Beastie Boys - particularly their political outspokenness - but number 11? Why not dig up Third Base - what the hell just put them at number 12.

I mean damn, the list is so bad it has me ridin' for people I don't particularly care for. Where the hell are people like Scarface and Too Short? Longevity must count for something. They could at least have Scarface hold down the Southwest because I Just can't bring myself to campaign for the Ghetto Boys. It ain't my mind, but this list is playing tricks on me! And how did Eve sneak through the back door? She barely has 3 albums (one might as well have been a Rough Rider's compilation CD). Notorious B.I.G. got a pass even though he really only had 2 albums, because he (a) lyrical skill was exceptional, (b) he was murdered young, (c) he never really had a chance to fall off, and (d) he had been featured in a lot of other work and was huge when he died. But if you only need two albums, and "you're nobody till somebody kills you" then Big-Pun deserves consideration.

I guess VH1 also didn't see a need to include any underground or semi-commercial luminaries. People like Mos Def and Talib Kweli may not have enough solo efforts to merit consideration but what about Common (formerly Common Sense), Brand Nubians, The Boot Camp (as an entire clique since it's not clear which individuals should have made it in spite of the others). Does originality, creativity, and spawning imitators count? How about Redman or maybe even Das Efx (okay I may be reaching with Das).

But don't think I forgot, the most insidious selection of all. Eminem at number 6! Look let's be honest, Eminem is no Vanilla Ice. He does have talent and he seems to respects the music, but people are getting more than a little beside themselves with the accolades. Eminem goes multi-multi platinum and can sell 2 million DVDs in a day because he's white - point blank! Eminen knows this and admits to it. I'm not going to go the Ray Benzino route because Benzino's attacks are ignorant, hypocritical, envious, and simply a case of a lame rapper trying to benefit off the next man's fame, besides Eminem isn't responsible for racism in America. However, it's impossible for me to believe that if Eminem were black or identifiably Latino, that he would have even broke the top 25 of this list much less the top 10. What VH1 has essentially done is anoint Eminem as the greatest "living" rapper. 

They position Eminem behind 2 iconic groups in Public Enemy and Run DMC, one of which officially no longer performs; 2 larger than life (in Hip-Hop), deceased rappers, and a veteran on his way out, doing his victory lap with ten albums under his belt and almost 20 years in the game. Apparently when I stepped out to get some toilet tissue Eminem surpassed the likes of Jay-Z and Nas and other less prominent superstars, leaving them several spots in his wake. According to Sir Mix-A-Lot, Eminem is now "the rawest lyricist out" and according to Dallas Austin Eminem is "the best rapper of our time" - Negroes PUMP YOUR BREAKS! I think Busta Rhymes description may have been the most accurate when he described Eminem as "the most dangerous" rapper out, although I don't think Busta meant that description the way I do. I'm all for giving credit where it is due, and there is a place at the table for Eminem, but I won't allow VH1 to rewrite Hip-Hop's history, or present, for me.

I know there were only 50 spots so every one can't make it but VH1's listing was obscene. I guess in some way none of this should surprise me, after all this was VH1, which is just one station in the mega-corporation Viacom's music video monopoly that also includes MTV, and now BET. If according to music critic Nelson George (who was interviewed for the VH1 "50 Greatest" Special) Ja-Rule doing duets with Ashanti basically proves that Ja-Rule's music isn't biased against women, and if according to Spinderella (Salt'N'Pepa's old DJ who was also interviewed for the special) "Lil'Kim taught women to be sexy", then I guess Eminem being the best living rapper is no big deal. Just wait, in another couple of years VH1 may do another show like this and Eminem may even be number 1 or 2, then he won't even be able to see KRS-1, Rakim, Nas, Jay-Z, etc in his rearview mirror. Somewhere over the rainbow, when all the corporations and insincere artist have exploited Hip-Hop to its last coin, VH1 may not be around to do these kind of blasphemous list, and if this is the best they can do, we'll all probably be better off for it.

Released: April 21st, 2003