Ever get the feeling you were TRICKED into making a purchase? Trust GumbyDammitt, you are not alone. Time after time on television, or even radio, you get these ads that admonish you time and again about this product or that being a "must have". You've heard it, maybe even unwittingly acted on it; went out and grabbed that thing that "has no substitute", etc. etc. That's because commercials, advertisements themselves, have become subliminable messages in a sense. You heard me, SUBLIMINABLE! See we view so many damned commercials pitching us thneeds (a thing that you need is a thneed. For crying out loud, read the Lorax by Dr. Seuss. You think it's a children's book full of rhyming words and nonsense, right? Look a little closer, dammitt.). During a one-hour show we think that we simply tune the commercials out. But The fact is that while we aren't paying any attention to certain ads with our primary consciousness, our sub-conscious is gleaning, soaking it up, and storing those slogans. The next time we are at that mini-mart freezer, we don't even realize that our sub-conscious has told us that it's "always Coca Cola". We don't even pay attention to the fact that the shit burns your throat like bleach on the way down after that first swig. Hell it practically SCREAMS for some damned Bacardi! We buy shit because of the "cookies" that ad agencies and huge corporations leave in our mental backside cache.

Hell there's even a thing called product placement, where your favorite character all but demands that you buy the product they are holding or using or drinking. By the time you find out that GiGi is sleeping with Antoinette's brother Thaddeus, who is stealing money from Mr. Caldwell's multinational business, which is funding a small rebel force in Wherethefuckistan, you done made up ya mind to buy two cases of that shit! And if you didn't you'll remind YOURSELF the moment you see it on the shelf at the local market. It's even placed in the most dangerous of places, children's television! That's right, ya "gotta catch 'em ALL!" What they don't tell you is the rest of that phrase, which is probably, "and we'll keep makin 'em until we bleed you BONE DRY!"

The plain truth is that your eyes see a lot more than you realize. Just driving along the highway you see billboards selling you all kinds of bullshit. Mostly cars. If you on the FUCKIN HIGHWAY then you ALREADY GOT a FUCKING CAR! And you see other shit too. Just signs everywhere selling you shit. Mostly thneeds. There is simply no escape. Things that you need are everywhere. You know you have a shitlload of 'em in your crib. You know how it is. You're cleaning up for spring or what have you, and you come across some shit that just makes you freeze in your tracks. And the first thing that comes to your mind is "What the phuck is THIS, and where did it COME from you can't even remember where you bought it. Shit nowadays fashion designers are sellin muthaphuckas SLEEVES! No torso, no collar. Just the SLEEVES!

They say things like, "Betcha can't eat just one!" practically daring you not to buy their product. It's even prevalent in the news media. Just yesterday I was scolded by the booming voice of Lord Vader himself, 'CNN, your ONLY source for news and information.' It's bad enough that CNN has like a zillion cable news outlets as it is.

Advertising is completely out of control, which is why I propose that advertising in its current form be outlawed, dumped, deemed illegal and discarded. In its place we get a system where you get to present your product-and THAT'S IT! So instead of, 'Always Coca Cola' you get something more like, 'Coca Cola, Hey, WE like it.' Simple enough. Not demanding that you buy it. Not showing you a bottle dripping with beads of cool sweat held against the flat torso of some faceless bikini model. And for cryin the fuck out loud, PLEASE stop trying to sell me shit with dumb ass raps. Like just because you got some hungry kid from the avenue pitching 'Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor' through some tired ass rap, I'm gonna go out and buy a fucking case. That truly insults my fuckin intelligence. So tune out these pimp ass advertisers and their mind-bendin slogans, and do your part to lower the sheep count.