Starring: Adam Sandler, Jack Nicholson, Krista Allen, Marisa Tomei, Allen Covert

Directed by Peter Segal

Produced by Barry Bernardi, Derek Dauchy, Todd Garner, Jack Giarraputo

Written by Dave Dorfman

Distributed by Sony Pictures 

Release Date: April 11th, 2003

Synopsis: A mild-mannered businessman (Sandler) is wrongly accused of a crime and sentenced to an anger management program, where he discovers that his instructor (Nicholson) is a crazy psycho with his own serious anger management problem, and is probably the one man in the world most capable of making his new student blow his lid.

Starring: Will Smith, Martin Lawrence, Jordi Molla, Gabrielle Union, Peter Stormare

Directed by Michael Bay

Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer

Written by Ron Shelton Jerry Stahl John Lee Hancock

Distributed by Columbia Pictures

Release Date: July 18th, 2003.

Synopsis: Narcotics detectives Mike Lowrey (Smith) and Marcus Burnett (Lawrence) have been assigned to a high-tech task force investigating the flow of designer ecstasy into Miami. This leads them to a conspiracy involving a vicious Kingpin (Molla), whose ambitions have ignited a bloody turf war. Mike and Marcus' working relationship is threatened when Mike develops feelings for Marcus' sister Syd (Union), and unless they can separate the personal from the professional, the case and Syd's life are in danger.

Starring Billy Bob Thornton, Bernie Mac, Lauren Graham, John Ritter, Brett Kelly

Directed by Terry Zwigoff

Produced by Sarah Aubrey, John Cameron, Bob Weinstein

Written by John Requa, Glenn Ficarra

Distributed by Dimension Films

Release Date: November 26th, 2003 (NY/LA)

Starring: 50 Cent, DMX, Mobb Deep, Common, Ice Cube

Directed by N/A

Produced: N/A

Written: N/A

Distributed by Image Entertainment

Release Date: September 30th, 2003

Synopsis: BEEF showcases a dizzying array of rappers as they compete to be the ultimate rap champion. Features appearances from 50 Cent, DMX, Mobb Deep, Common, Mack 10, Cypress Hill, Ja Rule, NWA, Ice Cube, Dr. Dre, and many more!

Starring Michael Queen Latifah, Steve Martin, Eugene Levy, Joan Plowright, Missi Pyle

Directed by Adam Shankman

Produced by Ashok Amritraj, David Hoberman, Todd Lieberman

Written by Jason Filardi

Distributed by Touchstone Pictures

Release Date: March 7th, 2003

Starring: Jim Carrey, Jennifer Aniston, Morgan Freeman, Lisa Ann Walter, Nora Dunn

Directed by Tom Shadyac

Produced by Tom Shadyac, Jim Carrey, James D. Brubaker, Michael Bostick, Steve Koren, Mark O'Keefe, Gary Barber, Roger Birnbaum, Steve Oedekerk

Written by Steve Koren, Mark O'Keefe, Steve Oedekerk, Michael O'Keefe

Distributed by Universal

Release Date: May 23rd, 2003.

Synopsis: Bruce Almighty stars Jim Carrey as Bruce Nolan, a “human interest” television reporter in Buffalo, New York who is discontented with almost everything in life, despite his popularity and the love of his girlfriend Grace (Jennifer Aniston). At the end of the worst day in his life, Bruce angrily ridicules and rages against God - and God responds. He appears in human form (Morgan Freeman) and, endowing Bruce with all of His divine powers, challenges Bruce to take on the big job and see if he can do it any better.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: B-

I will be the first to admit that I am not a Jim Carrey fan but this role was perfect for him. This isn't your average anthropomorphic God comedy. Initially Hollywood stayed away from casting God in a comedic light due to the 1930s Hays Code, which forbade any ridicule of religion and faith. But God isn't ridiculed in this film, at least not on purpose. God surely doesn't seem to be omnipotent or omniscient but he does seem to have some bad judgment. He gives a selfish, pompous dude like Bruce Nolan (Jim Carey) his power but without his consciousness. In fact Carey has no consciousness of anything outside of his hood. God power without consciousness turns out to be an irresponsible ego trip but its filled with some sites and laughs. Walking on H20, lifting women's skirts, potty training your dog. When you think more about it, I wonder if he really wasted those powers. I was expecting to see more God like special effects.

I was just glad to see a brotha' filling the God role and who better than Morgan Freeman now that George Burns is dead. He's just as "laid black" and he is even more nonchalant in his hands off approach. I guess because its secular and everything is simplified to tell us that ultimately its all about "Free Will". That middle of the road approach is safe & cool with me. In fact it will be cool with a lot of us because GOD is so laid back he's even looking out for folks who are "shacking up", like Carey and Anniston's characters were in the movie. I assumed they were married which reminds you that this is just a lighthearted comedy and it has a nice sound track and timely soundtrack, that proves that even deities get busy when playing Barry White music. In the end we all are feeling for Carey even though he proves that power corrupts. The ultimate message is that we need to look to ourselves and not to God for happiness. Folks keep looking up and missing what's right in front of them. "Yeah that irks me too, cause change starts with us. The message was stop "looking up" and start looking to the man/woman in the mirror. "Don't pray for a miracle, be a miracle.- Nuff Said

Starring: Chow Yun-Fat, Seann William Scott, Jaime King, Karel Roden, Victoria Smurfit

Directed by Paul Hunter

Produced by Charles Roven, Terence Chang, John Woo

Written by Ethan Reiff, Cyrus Voris

Distributed by MGM

Release Date: April 16th, 2003.

Synopsis: For 60 years, a mysterious monk with no name (Chow Yun-Fat) has traversed the globe to protect an ancient scroll - a scroll that holds the key to unlimited power. Now the Monk must look for a new scroll keeper. Kar (Seann William Scott) is an unlikely candidate, a streetwise young man who only cares about himself. But when he inadvertently saves the Bulletproof Monk from capture, the two become partners in a scheme to save the world from the scroll's most avid pursuer. The Monk, Kar and a sexy Russian mob princess called Bad Girl (Jaime King) must struggle to find, face and fight the ultimate enemy.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: C

Starring: Eddie Murphy, Steve Zahn, Anjelica Huston, Lacey Chabert, Jeff Garlin

Directed by Steve Carr

Produced by Matt Berenson, John Davis, Wyck Godfrey

Written by Geoff Rodkey

Distributed by Columbia Pictures (Revolution Studios) (Sony)

Release Date: May 9th, 2003

Synopsis: When a father (Murphy) loses his lucrative "dotcom" job, and finds himself in jeopardy of financial ruin, he joins his friends (Zahn, Garlin) in opening a free-spirited "guy-run" business called "Daddy Day Care" (in his house), much to the chagrin of the owner (Huston) of a more traditionally-operated rival center.

Ooh Papi Says: Overall: C-

That fat guy who plays opposite to Eddie Murphy, well he was the worst. I realize that the movie is not intended as a serious work about day-care centers, but at some point we might expect it to benefit from real life, real experiences, and real kids (Doesn't Eddie Murphy have about 4 kids). I fell asleep on it and there was no laughter to wake me up. Only somebody there complaining about my snoring so they nudged me. I asked my kids did they like it and they said it was okay. Many parents were in the theatre with their kids so I guess all that counts is that it will make money but luckily I caught the matinee. The good news is that Daddy Day Care, isn't as horrible as The Adventures of Pluto Nash, my number one pick for worst kid film of 2002. The idea of a clueless dad having to take care of the kids worked well enough in Mr. Mom mostly because, at the time, the nuclear family was still around enough for the joke to make sense. But now, in 2003, with families of all shapes and sizes, and with dads taking care of kids not being uncommon, Daddy Day Care was probably dated before it was even made. Maybe I feel this way because I'm so good with my kids. I found punch lines about men being unable to handle children to be both obnoxious and all too stale. His daycare was better than his rivals but he charged much less, yet his character was a material capitalist at heart which didn't make sense, but then again I am thinking from an adult perspective and this is for kids and they were not as annoyed, (but smart parents definitely will be). Nothing that happens in the story will surprise anyone who's been watching movies for longer than the last two weeks.

Starring: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, Michael Clarke Duncan, Colin Farrell, Joe Pantoliano and Jon Favreau

Directed by Mark Steven Johnson

Produced by Arnon Milchan, Gary Foster, Avi Arad

Written by Mark Steven Johnson

Distributed by 20th Century Fox

Release Date: February 14, 2003

Synopsis: Based on the popular Marvel Comics character, this is the story of Matt Murdock, son of a boxer who gets killed by petty criminals for refusing to take a dive. This drives young Matt to fight crime, despite a childhood accident that robbed him of his sight. That same accident, however, also granted him exceptionally advanced senses of hearing, touch, taste and smell, as well as providing him with a strange sort of mental radar that helps to compensate for his lack of vision. After training hard in the martial arts, as well as excelling in law school, Murdock becomes a lawyer by day and a vigilante calling himself Daredevil by night.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: C

As a Marvel comic book fan, I am glad that Hollywood has followed the path of Wesley Snipes in bringing theses heroes to the big screen. This ain't Spiderman however, it is more like Blade. The cinematography is dark and devilish - mostly too dark. Yes Daredevil, is blind but do you have to blind us also? They need to turn on the lights for some of the shots in the film. This movie doesn't develop the Daredevil character enough. I guess we are supposed to be endeared because Ben Affleck is playing the blind Lawyer Daredevil - NOT! The scene in the park with love interest, Electra, is pure C-O-M-E-D-Y. They had a damn battle sequence so that he could get her name and number, obviously Daredevil is really not a player as early moments in the film would have you believe - I don't know why they didn't leave that scene out. I was like why the hell are they doing this? I thought I was watching a musical, I was thinking that Annie was gonna come running out any second now. I really want to like Daredevil because he is noble and wants justice to be blind, lucky for everybody, he's white and can afford that sense of naivety because we all know she ain't ever been blind for Black folks in America. I will skip the fact that Matt Murdoch aka Daredevil is a broke lawyer with an expensive and elaborate setup like millionaire Bruce Wayne aka Batman and I won't tell you that the first half of the story of him growing up is actually better than later parts, it's like a sensitive Harry Potter on steroids. Actually the side villain, Bullseye kind of steals the show from Kingpin the main villain, played by Michael Duncan Clarke, who had to put on 45 lbs to play Kingpin so you know he was looking more like The Incredible Hulk on the big screen. As big and bad as he is, kingpin still went out weak if you know anything about Kingpin. This film set itself up for a sequel (if you stay until the very end). Lately I find myself in the mood for mindless fun, so I will probably check for that sequel also, but it has to be better than this one. However, if you're feeling the trailer http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/daredevil/ then never mind me go peep this joint.

Starring Gabrielle Union, LL Cool J, Essence Atkins, Robinne Lee, Meagan Good

Directed by Gary Hardwick

Produced by Scott Greenstein, Paddy Cullen, Paula Weinstein

Written by Gary Hardwick, Barbara Brauner, James Mattson

Distributed by Focus

Release Date: February 7th, 2003 (1,100 theaters).

Synopsis: This is the story of three young African-American men who pay a "ladies man" (LL Cool J) $5,000 to romance their perfectionist sister-in-law (Union) so they can live their lives free of her constant meddling but they're surprised by what happens next.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: B-

It's too damn bad that Gabrielle Union is married because I would settle down with her yesterday, but that's only if she isn't anything like her character, Eva. What a bitch! LL gets his 1st leading man spot and he does all right in this romantic comedy. He finally takes off the damn doo-rag which is worth the price of admission. I was thinking he must have the super duper cone head or something. I saw ol'boy in a suit with a rag on his head one time, and couldn't help but think "what the hell is he hiding under there and why is he always wear that shit". Back in the days doo-rags were some shit you only wore in the house and only if you were trying to get waves, but nowadays dudes be bald, have braids, get a fresh cut and throw a damn rag on their head. Its crazy to me how brothas' accessorize these rags like they're watches. LL aka Ray is the man in a different sort of way in this film. Ray actually 'macks' Eva's whole family on some sensitive playa shit. He definitely flips the script on the 'mack game' by being endearing. All of Eva's sisters also fall for him. Truth be told, Eva's sisters are really weak minded females and their husbands are weak in their game also. Unfortunately only the bitch aka Eva is "strong minded", damn what does that say for us bachelors. Thank god, this ain't really how the game is out here - trust me I know. The intent is innocent enough though, so I won't belabor the point. As a recovering sexist it doesn't hurt that all of Eva's sisters are eye candy either, well maybe not Kareenah but she's alright. The main thing I didn't like about the movie was the over done role of the gay West Coast hair dresser (Telly). His character was not needed, although if you stay to the very end of the film their is a surprise about him. What's unusual for me is that it is tough to score this one cause its not a MUST SEE but its not a "I didn't have anything to do film either". Anyway I will make an exception on this film and give it the upper nod cause of the eye candy we call the Dandridge sisters, just don't expect to remember much about it later.

Starring Eric Christian Olsen, Derek Richardson, Luis Guzman, Eugene Levy, Rachel Nichols

Directed by Troy Miller

Produced by Oren Koules

Written by Robert Brenner, Brian Hartt, Tom Gammill

Distributed by New Line Cinema

Release Date: June 13th, 2003

Synopsis: Set in 1986 when mentally challenged best friends Harry (Richardson) and Lloyd (Olsen) were teenagers, this is the madcap comic tale of their attempt to get out of the "special needs" department and into regular high school life.

Eyecalone Says: Overall: D

Don't ask how I ended up in the theatre watching this movie. All you need to know was I didn't pay for it, because that is about the only way I was going to go see Dumb and Dumberer. The film title is really quite fitting because this movie is a lot more dumb than it is funny. Honestly I only laughed hard about twice and one of those times had to do with a really silly joke that probably only works the first time you see it. About the best thing going for this film was it's success casting Derek Richardson and Christian Olsen as younger versions of Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels, who starred in the much funnier, original installment, Dumb and Dumber which premiered in 1994 (damn was it that long ago?). Richardson and Olsen really look like they could have been Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels a few years ago. Other than that Dumb and Dumberer fails in the comedy department even if you are into really silly humor.

Starring Eddie Griffin, Rob Schneider, Uncle Buckey, Uncle Curtis

Directed by George Gallo

Produced by Eddie Griffin, David Permut, Brad Grey, Paul Brook

Written by Eddie Griffin

Distributed by Miramax Films

Release Date: April 4th, 2003 (limited release).

Synopsis: This comedy concert movie will see Eddie Griffin following in the footsteps of other black comedians like Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence. What makes this movie stand out, however, is that it is a combination of Griffin's stand-up routines with footage of Griffin's Kansas City family, including some of his eccentric uncles, like Uncle Buckey who's a former pimp, and Uncle Curtis, who has an extensive porn collection, much of which he filmed himself.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: C

Remember when Eddie Murphy came out with "RAW" his standup routine was just that RAW at least in that era. Eddie Griffin's routine dwarfs that. If you're a guy and go with a female it's only 2 stages BLUSHING or EMBARRASSMENT. Warning to fellas, go by yourself to avoid feelings of awkwardness, Warning to Parents, I will be at the theatre with my tazer gun to stun your ass, if you dare go in there with kids. When I hear popular comedians like Eddie Murphy or their cousins of the entertainment world (commercial rappers), joke about opportunities to suck their own penis or the penis of the fathers whose sperm produce fine daughters, I feel like I DONE HEARD TOO MUCH. If you are of that same sentiment you might want to skip this stand up comedy routine but if you think the more outlandish the funnier, you will like this film. I heard Griffin used the N word close to 400 times in this film but in the movie he addresses the issue and says he does it cause "he thinks using it a lot takes away its power". He uses it for white and black so everybody can be equally offended. Yeah actually he even embarrasses his own mom who is in the front row, as is all of his family in the film, thus you get the title of the film. When you see all these country ass people in his family, at the family reunion footage you might come to the realization that I did, which is that this is "authentic material". In fact his mom tells some of it. Griffin is maturing as a comedian from his last stand up routine, and he still got a way to go, but I want to give credit where it is due there is growth. I can't believe that this routine was filmed in a conservative bastion like his hometown of Kansas City, but Griffin just doesn't care and I don't say that as a compliment but a fact. Although there are MANY laughs in this film, in the end it is too outrageous for me with too much super over the top ghetto stuff depicted. Everything ain't supposed to be talked about or depicted. Some stuff is supposed to remain a family secret, especially when it is so dysfunctional.

Starring: Cuba Gooding Jr., Beyonce Knowles, Mike Epps, Faith Evans, Steve Harvey

Directed by Jonathan Lynn

Produced by Loretha C. Jones, David Gale, Jeff Pollack, Jeff Polstein, Jay Polstein, Loretha Jones

Written by: Rick Famuyiwa, David Raynr, Saladin K. Patterson, Elizabeth Hunter

Distributed by Paramount

Release Date: September 19th, 2003.

Synopsis: When slick-talking New York City advertising executive Darrin Fox travels back to his small hometown in Georgia to claim the inheritance his aunt Sally left him, he finds he must fulfill her last wish before he can collect -- create a gospel choir and lead it to success. But with a town full of tin ears and a shortage of singers, Darrin is about ready to give up and head back to the city where he belongs…until he runs into Lilly. A beautiful nightclub singer with a voice that could rock the competition at the annual Gospel Explosion, Lilly is just the miracle Darrin is looking for... if he can persuade her to sing.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: B+

I was not anxious to see this movie, so I was plenty surprised to find myself laughing out loud on several different occasions. The Fighting Temptations follows a formula in a kind of easy going way, and you know it, but it generates so much good will and so many laughs that you don't really care. It's sort of a musical and you can feel the audience just plain loving it and being relaxed. Although it represents Beyonce Knowles' first starring role, it's not in awe of her; it uses her in the story instead of just pushing her to the front of every shot, and she comes across as warm and sympathetic. Mike Epps was very funny, but the one role to seal the movie, was the acting of Latanya Richardson. She was good! Kudos for an excellent job. There are many big names in this movie from the music world, in fact too may to name individually. The sound track isn't bad either. I was pleasantly surprised at the way this whole thing came together. The humor in The Fighting Temptations, isn't based on one-liners or insults, but on human nature. When the characters say something funny, it's usually funny because it's true. A lot of the laughs come when characters who don't like each other say so, out loud, right there in front of everybody. In this story, they all seem like real people, maybe because they're playing characters like those they knew, or were, when they were younger. LaTanya Richardson, for example, has been in more than 20 movies (in private life, she's Mrs. Samuel L. Jackson), but here, as Paulina, we don't sense a performance, we sense a woman -- stubborn, unbending, envious, yet curious to see what happens next. Although I hated her (proof she did a good job), there's lovely body language in the scene where she begins to stalk out of church, and then changes her mind and takes a seat in a back pew.

We can't overlook Tre, I mean Cuba Gooding Jr., who plays Darrin, an up-and-coming, obnoxious, pretentious, fool who happens to be a New York ad exec saddled with credit card bills. His rise through the corporate ranks has rested in part on a little lies and misleading truths. Yes, he attended Yale -- but he was kicked out for faking an Andover diploma. And yes, he grew up in Monte Carlo -- that being the name of the Georgia town where he spent the first five years of his life. He and his mother (Faith Evans) hit the road when she was forced out of the church choir by a few hypocrites and a weak minded pastor for her "secular" R&B singing. This is a family movie, which has a happy ending and that is something we can all use right not. My "Haterade" glass is empty.

Starring Ali Larter, A.J. Cook, Andrew Downing, Michael Landes, Terrence "T.C." Carson

Directed by David R. Ellis

Produced by Jeffrey Reddick, Warren Zide, Craig Perry

Written by Eric Bress, J. Mackye Gruber

Distributed by New Line Cinema

Release Date: January 31st, 2003

Synopsis:

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: B

"PEOPLE ARE MOST ALIVE, JUST BEFORE THEY DIE", that's the best line in the whole movie. Actually you can count the best lines in the movie but NOT because the dialogue is weak, more because this is a film that focuses on ACTION, and it's unexpected action .You know the surprise stuff  that is not really a surprise but it's really dramatic - well that is this movie. If you are one of those people who are upset when the heroes or good guys die, you better save your loot. The subject here is "does death have a design"? The movie tries to prove that death has a predetermined design but most of us know better. Although most will say death is not predetermined, it should make for an interesting and entertaining story line to most of us. This movie is like a "Who killed the butler" but each character is the next butler, just when you think its over BAM! Another one bites the dust. Each time a person tries to escape death they cause a riff in deaths design and then some more folks gotta die and plus death is still gonna be on your ass. They should turn this movie into a board game. One thing is for sure, the characters in the movie are not altruist but I think that any movie which focuses on death but isn't a horror movie is pretty cool.

Starring: Alexander Gould, Erica Beck, Albert Brooks, Ellen DeGeneres, Geoffrey Rush

Directed by Andrew Stanton

Produced by Graham Walters

Written by Andrew Stanton, Bob Peterson, David Reynolds

Distributed by Walt Disney/Pixar

Release Date: May 30th, 2003.

Synopsis: Academy Award®-winning creators of TOY STORY, A BUG'S LIFE, and MONSTERS, INC. dive into a whole new world with this underwater adventure. The film follows the comedic and eventful journeys of two fish - Marlin and his son Nemo - who become separated in the Great Barrier Reef when Nemo is unexpectedly taken far from home and thrust into a fish tank in a dentist's office overlooking Sydney harbor. Buoyed by the companionship of a friendly-but-forgetful fish named Dory, the overly cautious father embarks on a dangerous trek and finds himself the unlikely hero of an epic journey to rescue his son - who hatches a few daring plans of his own to return safely home.

Ooh Papi Says: Overall: A+

Finding Nemo is about a relationship between a father and son, Clownfish. It is filled with messages. My whole family enjoyed this film including me. I can now see why it is the second highest grossing film this year and may get to the number one spot (340 million) before its all over. Clownfish have become the aquarium pet of choice since the release of this film. A great choice I might add since Clownfish have a natural ability to change their size, status and sex. If a dominant female of the group dies, the male changes sex and becomes the breeding female, rapidly to return the group to the status quo. Yes they live, travel, and swim in a very rigid social structure. Filmmakers did not even know that when they created this film, which we should be thankful since it is based on the human nuclear family and that is why it works. If they had known that, they may have tampered with the script.

Finding Nemo is so touching, you may not want to eat fish again. Pelicans who live off clown fish were jockin' Nemo so hard they were looking for other food to eat. Nemo and his dad became cult heroes and underground legends, thanks to exaggerated tales by other fish. Nemo was actually a little clown fish who was born with an undersized fin but overcompensates in the curiosity department. His father, Marlin, worries obsessively over him, because Nemo is all he has left since Nemo's mother and all of her other eggs were killed by barracudas. Despite this ecological misfortune it Nemo isn't a nightmare for kids. The frights are always followed by comfort, and every bit of the movie is wrapped up in truly funny humor I can say HONESTLY that Finding Nemo is a pleasure for grown-ups ALSO and I am writing this for them. There are many jokes we get that the kids don't. I laughed out loud a few times and laughed with the kids who are experiencing the movie on a different level than us parents. Most importantly I was touched on a deeper level than by this movie more than I have been watching anything else this year.

Starring: Halle Berry, Penélope Cruz, Robert Downey Jr., Charles S. Dutton, Bernard Hill

Directed by Mathieu Kassovitz

Produced by L. Levin, Susan Levin, Joel Silver, Robert Zemeckis

Written by Sebastian Gutierrez

Distributed by Warner Brothers 

Release Date: November 21st, 2003

Synopsis: A criminal psychologist (Berry) awakens to find herself a patient in the very same mental institution in which she works, with no memory of the murder of her husband (Dutton) that she's accused of committing. As she tries to regain her memory and convince her coworkers of her innocence, a vengeful spirit uses her as an earthly pawn... which only further convinces all involved of both her guilt and her increasingly stead descent into madness and delusion.

A Playahata Guest Reviewer - Sheisty : Overall: C-

In Halle Berry's first solo starring role, she plays Dr. Miranda Grey, A psychologist at a women's psychiatric hospital who gets in an accident one rainy night and finds herself committed as a patient when she awakes. Seems her husband (played affably if only briefly by Charles S. "Roc" Dutton) was brutally murdered and all signs point directly to her. On lockdown, Mirandais haunted by apparitions of a murdered teenage girl and the realizations that her fellow doctors think she's not only crazy, but guilty of the murder herself. In the vain of recent horror flicks like The Sixth Sense, The Ring, And Signs, Gothika delves into the underworld of the occult and paranormal, but thankfully doesn't overwhelm the story by trying to over explain why certain things happen. There's lots of a decidedly unglamorous Berry in "am I sane or really going crazy?" solitary confinement scenes that would make Denzel (remember him as Rubin Carter in "The Hurricane") proud. Penelope Cruz stars as a 'lispy' inmate who has some similar hallucinations of the murdered girl that may or may not help Grey solve the murder herself. Her fellow psychiatrist, played by Robert Downey Jr., is the classic horror/mystery movie foil, the guy with ulterior motives whom you can't tell whether to trust or not.

The plot ambles about, and there are some surprising twists, but overall, something about this movie lacks the "bite" that others of its ilk possessed. There are some awe-inspiring special effects at times, but the ending is somewhat flat, and doesn't logically come together like it should. And the final scene is so sappy, you'll swear you mistakenly got switched to a "Wifetime", scuse' me, Lifetime movie somewhere along the way. But enough of my meandering; is the movie scary? Well, it has it's moments of shock, but let's just be honest: about the only thing scary about Halle Berry is her driving skills and success rate at marriage. As her first big budget starring role on the heels of her Oscar win, you'd think she would have chosen a more powerful vehicle to propel her career into the netherworld of movie stardom, but sadly she's driving a Ford Focus here when she really needed the Escalade. Instantly forgettable, Gothika is neither horrifying nor exceptional. Hopefully Halle will do a better job reading scripts next time.

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Sigourney Weaver, Patricia Arquette, Rick Fox, Khleo Thomas

Directed by Andrew Davis

Produced by Andrew Z. Davis, Lowell D. Blank, Andrew Davis, Cary Granat, Mike Medavoy, Teresa Tucker-Davies

Written by Brent Hanley, Louis Sachar

Distributed by Walt Disney Pictures

Release Date: April 18th, 2003

Synopsis: A teenager, Stanley Yelnats (La Beouf), sent to Camp Green Lake, a Texas detention camp, for a crime (stealing a pair of sneakers) he didn't commit. There, he and the other boys are forced by the warden (Weaver), a fiery woman who paints her nails with snake venom, to dig holes as something of a "character-building experience." Each day, each boy must dig a hole five feet deep and wide, in the long-dry rock that was once the bottom of Green Lake.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: B

When you don't have kids (like me) and you wind up in a movie theatre sitting in the back row sandwiched between a 13 and 12 year old girl, other adults are peeping over at you, like you are the next R. Kelly. That was me this weekend. Nobody told me "Holes" was a family adventure film. I thought Holes was some real Sci-Fi invasion of lizards type flick or I figured that Holes might even be ....well I better skip that cause you don't know what else I thought it might have been. After a few minutes I realized that Holes is a Walt Disney film and I am still trying to stay true to my boycott of Disney, so I was like damn I paid for this nonsense". However, don't judge a book by its cover this film is better written than the majority of movies you will find out here today. It's well directed and has awesome cinematography of the desert footage. You actually feel like you are stranded in Arizona overseeing a boot camp of bad boys. The film has a host of talented pre-teen actors most whom I never heard of before as well as recognizable faces like Sigourney Weaver, Eartha Kitt, "Fonzie", Rick Fox (from the Lakers), and Jon Voight who are also believable as the main adults in the film. I was holding my piss for like an hour cause I didn't want to miss what was going to happen after the first hour. This film is odd but that is a good thing because it surpasses family film expectation. Dealing with the white fear of interracial mixing and telling two tales interwoven in the background that make you understand the main storyline - very clever. It is no surprise this screenplay was adapted from a book, which almost always helps a film. I would like to give some shout outs to some others who appeared in the film or directed it but I had to get the hell up on out of there before the lights came on and somebody saw me in there solo. - Nuff SAID!

Starring: Chris Rock, Bernie Mac, Dylan Baker, Robin Givens, Tracy Morgan

Directed by Chris Rock

Produced by Ali Leroi, Michael Rotenberg, Chris Rock

Written by Chris Rock, Ali Leroi

Distributed by Dreamworks

Release Date: March 28th, 2003 (wide).

Synopsis: When a presidential candidate dies unexpectedly in the middle of the campaign, the Democratic party picks an unlikely candidate, Washington, D.C. alderman Mays Gilliam (Rock), as his replacement.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: B

Chris Rock pulls an Aaron McGruder in this film, by that I mean he takes swipes at almost everybody in this film, Democrats, Republicans, Black Republicans, etc. This film was hard to rate for me because one second I am laughing and like 'yeah Chris' and then the next second I am like damn, you had to mess it up with that scene. For instance Lynn Whitfield's character, a professional, educated woman but probably patterned after Condoleeza Rice calls Rock an "ignorant ass Nigger", which was unnecessary and all out of her character. I guess that was supposed to be the 'keeping it real' part but I saw this film while in Denver and the audience was mostly white, so I was reminded that hearing the N-word blasted with venom makes me even more upset in the company of whites.

This film is a little too over the top in many aspects though. Mainly I think that Rock could have brought out some points without some of the extra stuff like his character holding a presidential pep rally at a Players ball filled with pimps and whores. I mean the association with being Black and appealing to that is so tired and weak. No black presidential candidate would ever do that. Rock's character and Bernie Mac had some funny stuff going on but sometimes the satire and self-stereotyping is stuck at the lower level of humor and whit. After Bringing Down the House's spoofs on rap to the tune of #1at the box office for 3 straight weeks and over $100 million, I figured that I this was going to be the same ole thing with a different spin. On the other hand this film is Brave. Rock gives conservative America a dagger in the heart. Some people may miss some of the dialogue, which really hits on serious social issues and rock is on the right side of them. He takes subtle shots at the Bush Administration without ever naming them, but when you dissin' Ronald Reagan and Nixon, then dissin' the quick to war efforts of the White House you coming close as Hollywood will allow you to. Ironically Rock's opponent is really over the top also with his bias and jingoism but he could really win a presidential election in a post 9/11 climate, although what he was saying was supposed to be a joke. We hear similar stuff all the time by the Bush Administration. Robin Givens is back on the big screen and its good to see her working for her own money - LOL - nuff said.

Starring: Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Nick Nolte, Sam Elliott, Josh Lucas

Directed by Ang Lee

Produced by Avi Arad, Gale Anne Hurd, Larry J. Franco, James Schamus

Written by David Hayter, James Schamus, Michael France, John Turman, Michael Tolkin

Distributed by Universal Pictures

Release Date: June 20th, 2003 (3,500+ theaters).

Synopsis: In this adaptation of the long-running Marvel comic "The Incredible Hulk," research scientist Dr. Bruce Banner's (Eric Bana) failed experiments cause him to mutate into a monstrously powerful and savage green-skinned behemoth whenever he loses control of his emotions. Jennifer Connelly plays his love interest Betty Ross, Nick Nolte plays Bruce's dangerous father, and Sam Elliott plays Betty's father, the tough-as-nails General Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: A

As you might have guessed I was looking forward to this film, I grew up reading the comics & watching the green guy on television. The Hulk is the most passionate and misunderstood character. He’s so dynamic because he is an innocent, passive, mild mannered, genius until he gets upset, then he unleashes and becomes the total opposite. We all have some Hulk in us, some rage and frustration that we want to let out and just go crazy. Ironically his being motivated through emotions makes the Hulk very human. His power & rage at PUNY HUMANS, is what I often feel on a social level regarding other people. Before I wrote my review on The Hulk I read a USA Today article that said “fans use their muscle to push movies”. The piece said the web was once a place where the industry was on the fringe but nowadays sites are basically partnering with the film industry. Our whole idea here at playahata.com is to always be on the fringe, but darn it The Hulk was good (a lil' long but good). I could see the influence of the molecular biologist (directors wife) on the script but I ain’t apologizing for not being bored at the images of cell replication or mitosis on the screen. Hey, I got A's in science. Some of us need every thing dumbed-down to enjoy it and some of us don’t. Some of us can still follow a story without an explosion every 5 seconds.

Despite what you hear from nay Sayers, you can’t win with some people. You might have heard people say "Hulk looked fake” (mind you that they are the same people who thought King Kong was a real gorilla), or Hulk looks like Shrek, but it's not even close . The Hulk actually looked like actor Eric Bana, which doesn’t even happen in the comics. The final resolution what they call “rendering” on the Hulk was the best Hollywood has ever done. People are so visually spoiled they can't even appreciate god work. Comments about the Hulk looking bad  were legitimate if you werre speaking about the early Hulk images released prematurely, under low quality resolution (to the directors disgust), 6 months prior to the film opening. People were also mad because The Hulk is a computer generated image made because you can’t get an actor like back in the day, when they got Lou Ferrigno (51 & still diesel), simply because no actor can play the comic Hulk. In this movie, this Hulk is of the comic books not the TV series. The comic book Hulk is around 9 ft tall & weighs half a ton and the madder he gets the stronger and bigger he gets. He is supposed to tower over people and things. Eric Bana who plays scientist Dr. Banner is 6’4 and Lou Ferrigno who played the Hulk years ago, still looks like a Hulk, but the movie Hulk is too big and angry too be portrayed by any actor no matter how many steroids they are taking. They would have had to find a 7’0 actor to show a difference once Eric Bana got mad. Bill Bixby (rip) who played the original Banner was 5’9", a 7-inch difference, even Lou Ferrigno agrees a computer created Hulk was the best option. Speaking of Ferrigno, most people didn’t even notice that he had a cameo in this film as a security guard (so does Stan Lee the original creator). Some patience is required for this film because we see No HULK until 45 minutes into the film, but it's for a good reason. They are building a very tight story line, to me that’s always most important. Especially since The Hulk only talks once even though he has many cliché quotes. I was waiting to hear things like “Hulk Smash”, "Bah Puny Human”, etc but in this film they sort of “dinosaured him out”, and just had him totally savage. The 45-minute wait is well worth it though because the Hulk does what we came to see him do, which is tear shit up once he appears. But I can hear the nay Sayers in the background now, saying "he only turned into Hulk 4 times". If you didn’t like Hulk movie don’t email me - cause you might make me angry, and “Don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I am angry.”- Nuff said.

Starring: Anthony Hopkins, Nicole Kidman, Gary Sinise, Ed Harris, Jacinda Barrett

Directed by Robert Benton

Produced by Tom Rosenberg, Gary Lucchesi, Thomas Rosenberg, Scott Steindorff

Written by Nicholas Meyer Philip Roth

Distributed by Miramax

Release Date: October 31st, 2003

Synopsis: The Human Stain is the story of Coleman Silk (Anthony Hopkins), a distinguished professor at a prestigious New England college whose professional life is shattered by allegations of racism and whose personal life is infected with the cancer of a lie he has been living for fifty years. His career and reputation in ruin, Silk begins a dynamic resurrection through two new relationships: one, a friendship with the writer Nathan Zuckerman (Gary Sinise) whom he intrigues with his story, the other a scandalous affair with a young woman (Nicole Kidman).

Guest Reviewer Says: Overall: N/A

Even though the director, actors and writers of The Human Stain do protest such a characterization, this film is very much about a light-skinned Black man's rejection and hate of his Blackness. It is also about his overwhelming lust for White women, who are paraded nude across the screen as in some racist's vision of what a Black man's heaven would be. It is so lacking in sympathy or understanding of the connection between Black identity, pride and love--and so intent on raising up only the limits of Black oppression--that it is like a big glob of derision in the face of the Black community.

This unfortunate quality of the movie, which is very faithful to the novel by Philip Roth, is not at first apparent. It is so beautifully shot and skillfully directed by Robert Benton ("Kramer vs. Kramer," "Places in the Heart") that its derision sort of sneaks up on you, like a bad flashback to "Monsters' Ball" or the novel "White Teeth." But then little odd things are included, like a scene with a caged crow that "doesn't know how to be a crow," or another scene when the young very fair-skinned Black protagonist pummels a darker Black man in the boxing ring as if to knock out the Blackness in his very own soul.

In looking at such a complex and painful subject from outside the Black community and with no kinship with Blackness, The Human Stain layers these insults like a frothy white icing over very bitter chocolate. Roth, who learned of "passing" from a friend in graduate school, says of his main character Coleman Silk: "All he's ever wanted from earliest childhood on, was to be free, not Black, not even White - just on his own and free." This is a nice but somewhat naïve sentiment because the fact is that Roth created a character who equated that sought after freedom with being White. Silk ultimately equates his identity and being "on his own" with rejecting his racial heritage and identifying with a community that, in the 1940's when this novel is set, still viciously and systematically attacked his own.

Perhaps film critics aren't supposed to reveal Silk's "terrible secret" in the plot of "The Human Stain" but it is impossible to write about what works and what does not work in it without revealing this central aspect of the plot (and we know that SeeingBlack.com's readers care more about these issues than some faux standard for journalistic conduct). Also, to not talk about the racial dimensions of the film means that we also cannot discuss how the film handles race.

The story focuses on Silk (Anthony Hopkins), an eminent classics professor at a small liberal arts college in New England whose career is cut prematurely short when he is accused of bigotry. With his life suddenly in a shambles, he begins an affair with a young woman half his age who works at the college and at the local post office as a cleaning lady. She also milks cows in exchange for a room at a farm. The part of this down and out woman, who harbors demons and secrets of her own, is played by the delicate Nicole Kidman, who is about as believable as Spike Lee playing Shaquille O'Neal. There is something way off kilter in scale with this bit of casting.

On the other hand, Anna Deveare Smith delivers a very moving performance as Silk's mother, who , though fair-skinned, tries to instill in her son notions of race pride and solidarity, but to no avail, and who grapples, really, with the loss of her son. Though he is still living, it is as if her son has died. He tells his White girlfriends that he is an only child and that his parents are dead. The final meeting between Silk and his mother is as moving as the scene in "Antwone Fisher" between mother and son, only in The Human Stain it is the son who is guilty of abandonment.

I hesitate to use the word "guilty." Though Silk's life is referred to in this film as a "tragedy," the story works hard to absolve him of his choices, as if it is, of course, the most natural thing in the world for a Black man to want to be White, and as if he did not leave anything of value when he left his community. It sides with him against those who are silly enough to accuse him of bias. It acknowledges his self-hatred while, at the same time, ignoring all the possible consequences of that self-hatred. And, you know what? This story is true of some Black souls--we meet them now, even in a new century, but in the hands of Black people, their stories are clearly tragedies. As told here, the writers and director cheer on the Black man's "triumph" over group Black identity. They cry out to those who pass: Go ahead, free your inner White man!

Wow. What a definition of what it means to be free.

Starring: Tommy Lee Jones, Benicio Del Toro, Connie Nielsen, Jenna Boyd, Leslie Stefanson

Directed by William Friedkin

Produced by James Jacks, Ricardo Mestres

Written by David Griffiths, Peter Griffiths, Art Monterastelli

Distributed by Paramount Pictures

Release Date: March 14th, 2003.

Synopsis: Tommy Lee Jones is an FBI deep-woods tracker who captures an assassin (Benicio Del Toro) who makes a sport of killing deer hunters. When the killer escapes in the city, he must team up with with another agent (Connie Nielsen) to hunt down this thrill killer before he starts to hunt them.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: B

Don't get it twisted, the government has NO LOVE for whacked out war veterans like this movie would make you believe. Many war veterans are homeless, living in shelters and exhibit all types of serious emotional and health problems that the Govt' did not and does not want to deal with. After the many overt and covert conflicts that American leadership has sent them to take part in, nobody really cares when they come home despite what their mission was. President Bush has been cutting millions of dollars in health care benefits and all kinds of support to war veterans. Just the other day he cut over 50 million and appropriated it for war related stuff. He will spend money to get you equipment on the front end and cut money for the backend needs to help you get along after the war is over. Many veterans have major beef with ole Dubya. In all fairness though, that type of stuff had been happening way before Bush Jr. became President, he just dissed vets a little more. These politicians only got ya back when you fighting to protect some corporate interest of theirs or their rich buddies because you're not really going to be fighting for democracy like they say. If you commit crimes cause your ass has battle stress, you're going to prison, plain and simple believe that. So the idea that the government would try to help out a whacked out special ops agent played by Benicio Del Toro is unbelievable. To think that they would give him special attention cause he is having trouble adjusting is a nice gesture but again not believable. However, Del Toro is very convincing in his role as a psycho survivalist and special ops man gone over the edge. All I can say is he has come a long way! He might get the Oscar nod for this shit, although he doesn't speak much. Del Toro is a killing machine. They let the pacifist character and trainer of killers Tommy Lee Jones glorify killing with the lines like "most of the people he killed, didn't even know he was in the room with them" or "I will teach you how to kill, quickly, accurately, efficiently, and completely ...the physical part will be the easy part... the hard part is turning it off."  I mean damn, talk about young, teenage hyped, testosterone filled male, bravado. Young men hear that and are probably saying to themselves "I am going into the military" cause after all if you have those skills you a bad mutha and ain't nobody messing with you. As men we want to be able to kick everybody's ass, so this is also an army recruiting film. Despite all the propaganda subtly thrown at you this film is worth seeing. Tommy Lee is once again tracking and chasing somebody who is both a good and bad guy, all across the city ala The Fugitive, U.S. Marshals, etc but this time it is a little different because he won't use a gun and he's a little faster after all that running in those other movies. This film wins kudos because if you are observant you can pick up survivalist tips like "when traveling in the dark, keep your mouth open it increases sound reception" or "unless one is knowledgeable about mushrooms they should be avoided entirely, because there is no edibility test for mushrooms due to the delay between ingestions and symptoms as well as potential high toxicity". In terms of acting, action, story and dialogue this film is good. It just looses points for interweaving State Department propaganda.

Starring: John Cusack, Jake Busey, Rebecca De DeMornay, Clea Duvall, Ray Liotta

Directed by James Mangold

Produced by Cathy Konrad

Written by Michael Cooney, James Mangold

Distributed by Columbia Pictures

Release Date: April 25th, 2003 (wide).

Synopsis: This is the story of ten complete strangers who are stranded at a remote desert motel during a raging storm who soon find themselves being murdered... as their numbers thin out, they turn on each other, as each tries to figure out who is the killer.

Ooh Papi Says: Overall: A

No kids with me this weekend, just me and the Mrs. so I could just relax and enjoy this movie. This mind boggling tale of 11 people who think that they are total strangers but somehow get stranded at a remote desert motel somewhere in the southwest United States during a raging storm, could have easily been an episode of the twilight zone. They soon find themselves being murdered and as their numbers thin out in this death countdown, they turn on each other, as each tries to figure out who is the killer. Its only 90 minutes but my mind was working OT. The trick here is that the usual ingredients - gory deaths, an unseen killer, characters loaded with baggage - are used with creative purpose. Careful thinking went into this movie, and that is the magic ingredient that separates it from most of the genre. Most impressive was that the writer, Michael Cooney, plays fair in his attempt to trick us, well sort of, and once you understand his thinking you can trace back through the movie and see that he didn't really cheat, but was subtle enough to point us to the wrong conclusions. Every body is talking about this sleeper. "Bullethead" from the Steve Harvey show finally gets some big screen work but he gets killed - oops sorry, "did I do that" [n my best Irkel voice]. Identity is a rare movie that causes us to rethink everything that has happened before. It's ingenious, how simple and yet how devious the solution is. I am not really able to review this movie because it is so slick that I would have to give away the plot, but if you realize that I am a conspiracy theorist then you realize that something I already said, gives it away so think hard about the first 5 lines. Yippie Kai yai, this movie is going to go in my Die Hard collection.

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Edward Norton, Charlize Theron, Christina Cabot, Mos Def 

Directed by : F. Gary Gray

Produced by Donald De Line

Written by Donna Powers, Wayne Powers, Troy Kennedy-Martin

Distributed by Paramount Pictures 

Release Date: May 30, 2003

Synopsis: A band of thieves, led by Charlie Croker (Wahlberg), pulls off the ultimate heist by rigging the stoplights of the city of Los Angeles so that they can drive right out of the city with a carful of gold (in a safe that they're stealing back after Croker's double-crossing ex-partner, played by Edward Norton, stole it from Croker first), with nothing but green lights, while everyone else gets red lights, thus keeping the roads plugged with the largest traffic jam in L.A. history, and the police from pursuing them.

A Playahata Guest Reviewer- Sheisty: Overall: A-

If there's any such thing as a "lock" in Hollywood, it's that action movies with high speed chases will rake in the dough. That's a given. Something about human nature craves the excitement of watching cars go really, really fast through really, really congested city streets, dodging certain death with every hairpin turn. Attempting to enter the annals of high speed chase history is the remake of 1969's The Italian Job, reincarnated as a loosely plotted infomercial for Mini Coopers that lives up to its' advance billing although the performances of it's actors hardly match those of the autos. Long story short, Charlie Croker ("Marky" Mark Walberg) and veteran safecracker John Bridger (Donald Southerland) lead a band of thieves in the movie-opening heist of a $35 Million stash of gold bars. After the Venetian theft is successfully pulled off, one of the team members, Steve (Edward Norton) surprisingly turns on the others, killing Bridger, stealing the gold, and leaving the others for dead. A year later, in Philadelphia, the surviving crew's all alive and well, and seeks to enlist the help of Bridger's daughter (Charlize Theron), a safecracking expert to pull a heist on Steve, who has inexplicably set up shop in the Hollywood hills, to retrieve the gold. The hackneyed plot is arranged and the team goes about the business of stealing from the thief, a process which is rife with more than a few surprises of its own.

The cast is a mixed bag; Walberg makes you wonder exactly how he still manages to get gigs by mastering the art of the blank facial expression and limited range. His next emotional delivery of a line will be his first. Theron does the best with her limited lines, but basically she's just blonde eye candy. Seth Green provides much needed comic relief as the designated hacker. Norton, even with the cheesy mustache, seems unconvincing as the villain. Jason Strathan is well-cast for the role of getaway driving guru Pretty Rob, but as in The Transporter, his accent gets in the way too often. However, Mos Def delivers as Left Ear, a partially deaf explosives expert with a predilection for Italian shoes and fine literature. It's good to see a rapper in a role of a criminal that doesn't conform to the usual "rapper sidekick" stereotype. But whoever's idea it was to give his character a Malcolm X style conch needs their ass whipped. Immediately. The brotha' looks like an idiot. But enough of the small talk, obviously you're not going to this movie to watch Marky Mark flub lines (which he does pretty frequently) or to watch Theron do her best Angelina Jolie impression (a few collagen injections, and a better boob job, and she'll pretty much have that one down), you're going to see those Mini Coopers scooting around the aqueducts of LA. You're going to see those Mini Coopers flying 30 feet in the air, yet miraculously landing on all four wheels Dukes of Hazard-style and rollin' on. You're going to see those Mini Coopers do all types of things that the real life $17,000 version couldn't pull off if you dropped a Lamborghini engine under the hood. In short, you're going to see a 105 minute commercial that will leave you lustful for that pint-sized, impractical, piece of British machinery. At the very least, you'll leave the theater in your Honda vicariously driving the movie's true star. Well, okay, maybe that's just me. Either way, shaky performances aside, if you're looking for a little mindless summer fun, The Italian Job gets it done.

Starring: Jonathan Breck, Justin Long, Nicki Lynn Aycox, Ray Wise, Billy Aaron Brown

Directed by Victor Salva

Produced by Tom Luse

Written by Victor Salva

Distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

Release Date: August 29th, 2003.

Synopsis: As its 23 horrifying days of flesh-eating come to an end, an ancient creature known as the Creeper embarks on a final voracious feeding frenzy, terrorizing a group of varsity basketball players, cheerleaders and coaches stranded on a remote highway after their bus breaks down. Fighting their own fears and prejudices while trapped aboard the isolated bus, the terrified group of young athletes are forced to come together and do battle against the winged creature hell-bent on completing its grizzly ritual of feasting on humans.

Ooh Papi Says: Overall: C

I normally don't like any movie where they don't tell you the origin of the monster. The Creeper is still scarier than Freddy from Elm street but we still don't know his origins or psychology - which not only would have spiced things up, but could have pointed to some of the Creepers weaknesses and caused the audience to get involved by speculating. Chalk it up to lazy exposition on the film's part. They do try some lazy explaining by throwing in some psychic 16 year old cheerleader who has visions/dreams of the creature and knows stuff nobody else does. I think she will be replacing Ms.Cleo soon. None of the characters are developed so you really don't care who gets killed. Most of these monster movies rely on special effects and little plot. This has little plot but some how has a good ending and is eerie. Jeepers Creepers 2 takes place only a few days after the events depicted in the original sleeper hit, and with one day left in the Creeper’s 23-day feeding frenzy, the winged terror descends upon a group of teenagers riding home from a championship basketball game on big ole East 9 Highway in some backwoods ass place.

Jeepers Creepers 2 is as eerie as the original. The tongue-smacking Creeper has a wicked sense of humor, for some reason he is the opposite of most monsters in that he loves male flesh and doesn't go after females with that extra oomph! Once again, it’s impossible to separate Victor Salva the director from Victor Salva the convicted child molester. His strange behavior in real life is evident in this film check his history - http://www.vachss.com/mission/disney.html (There are enough boys in the film to make up an entire football team and somehow their are only 3-girl cheerleaders, mind you, its the state championships. Once the 3 adult chaperones in the film are disposed of, it’s not long before Salva, err, Creeper descends on the 2 prep girls and the token sista' inside their school bus but he doesn't want to eat them, he wants to eat the boys, who are homophobic.... hhmmm. Inside the bus is something even scarier HOLLYWIERD POLYTRICKS. How else do you explain the excessive screen time for a neo Nazi Aryan star basketball player, teen leader who wines over everything and has the respect of the whole bus and puts some fear in his coaches. A guy Who constantly disses the black basketball players who are said to only be on the team because some sort of reverse affirmative action (maybe if this was hockey). All of this sort of right wing language goes unabated or challenged for the majority of the film. The other actors just tell everybody else to chill out but intellectually they are merely mute or emotional to his diatribes. The CLAUSTROPHOBIC angle of being trapped in close quarters on a school bus is kind of different. They also have a big subtle gay theme in the film whereby many of the the film’s jocks repeatedly question another teen’s sexuality and want to know if he got scared by being beat up in a gay bar. However they have no problem shaking their dicks around in front of the kid during a group pissing session. They also always take their clothes off in front of him, sort of teasing him. It’s your call whether Salva is calling attention to his idea of latent straight male fantasies or if he’s simply getting his rocks off by taking every man’s clothes off any chance he gets. 

The lecherousness of convicted child molester and director, Salva’s gaze has a way of spilling over onto the entire production, which probably makes the film a whole lot scarier than it should be. If not for the elegiac, sun-drenched allure of many of the film’s images, it’d be much harder to take its many absurdities, once again Hollywood gets very political and disguises it as entertainment and Disney backs away from the morality involved and allows this man who molested a 12 year old to work for them although they are a child geared company. I wish I would have known his history before hand, I WOULD HAVE NEVER PAID to see this but I did, and since I did my job is to grade it.

Starring: Uma Thurman, David Carradine, Lucy Liu, Michael Madsen, Sonny Chiba

Directed by Quentin Tarantino

Produced by Quentin Tarantino, Lawrence Bender, E. Bennett Walsh

Written by Quentin Tarantino

Distributed by Miramax

Release Date: October 10th, 2003.

Synopsis: Uma Thurman is going to KILL BILL, in Quentin Tarantino's latest film about a former assassin betrayed by her boss, Bill (David Carradine). Four years after surviving a bullet in the head, the bride (Thurman) emerges from a coma and swears revenge on her former master and his deadly squad of international assassins, played by Lucy Liu, Daryl Hannah, Vivica A. Fox and Michael Madsen.

Ooh Papi Says: Overall: B

PLEASE LEAVE THE KIDS HOME! This film is super violent even by 2004 standards. Senseless violence I might add. Tarantino's fourth film is clearly his most passionate. Fortunately, he doesn't get so excited that he tosses the N-word around uncontrollably as he is known to do in his films. Kill Bill is Tarantino's martial arts baby, that he has been working on for years, and when you sit down and experience it you can see why. It's an assault on the senses from the start, as very early on we learn of the minimal plot, full on violence with Uma, and see exactly where Quentin wants to take us, if that is even possible . Think Crouching Tiger, think The Matrix , throw in Charlie's Angel 2 and that is just a peppering of what Kill Bill Voulme1 is going to do to you! The violence and fight sequences are visually relentless as we see the director take his influences from his 60's and 70's martial arts film (You know the ones where the color is faded and the lip synch is out of synch, but the fighting is awesome). It is without a doubt Tarantino's personal homage to the films he holds dear as we see the care he has put into the detail and attention to each move in every frame of film. The whole look of the film is great, it has a different look around every corner be it glossy Tokyo or grainy middle America. The cinematographer works well with his director to please the expectant audience, nice work with the saturation of color during the over the top limb-losing fight sequences that has rivers of crimson turn black and white, and a great animation section that introduces a main character. The film is pretty much filmed in a studio environment to get the choreography just right so you kind of forget where you are at times because the background is just that – background. With a second and third viewing we will learn how damned detailed this (already) cult classic is. This is saying a lot from me because I am NO Tarantino fan in the least, but the hate should be sprinkled gingerly. The pre-quel, will be coming out soon so I will not say the other things about this film that I was going to say because I might put my foot in my mouth, because they say the prequel will lay out everything we have questions about. As Roger Ebert says, “All the major characters are women, the men having been emasculated right out of the picture which may worry us if we are going to see women being as violent as men in the future. In Kill Bill men are rendered powerless by having their arms and legs cut off. This represents a real reversal in pop culture where men have been the ones cutting the legs and arms off of women. The argument against pornography, in the 1980s, was that it dehumanized women. As proof, it was claimed that porno photos often cropped off the arms and legs of women rendering them immobile and powerless. I felt powerless to the violence of this film but I must admit I look forward to the pre-quel to this film. Bruce Lee fans might also notice that Uma Thurman wears the same yellow suit as Bruce Lee did in his final film. That sort of slick attention to detail is used throughout the film and had me wanting more with one hand over my eye.

Starring: Tom Cruise, Ken Watanabe, Billy Connolly, Koyuki, Tony Goldwyn

Directed by Edward Zwick

Produced by Tom Cruise, Paula Wagner, Edward Zwick, Marshall Herskovitz, Scott Kroopf, Tom Engelman, Ted Field, Richard Solomon, Charles Mulyehill, Vincent Ward

Written by John Logan, Edward Zwick, Marshall Herskovitz

Distributed by Warner Brothers

Release Date: December 5th, 2003

Synopsis: Set in the late 1870s, this epic film depicts the beginnings of the modernization of Japan, as the island nation evolved past a feudal society, as symbolized by the eradication of the samurai way of life. We see all this happen from the point of view of an alcoholic Civil War veteran turned Winchester guns spokesman, Captain Woodrow Algren (Cruise), who arrives in Japan to train the troops of the emperor, Meiji, as part of a break away from the long-held tradition of relying on employed samurai warriors to protect territories, as the emperor's new army prepares to wipe out the remaining samurai warriors. When Algren is injured in combat and captured by the samurai, he learns about their warrior honor code from their leader, Katsumoto, which forces him to decide which side of the conflict he actually wants to be on.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: A-

The saying, "never judge a book by its cover" couldn’t be more apropos when talking about this film. When I saw the coming attractions for this film I was like "aaah hell nah", another white man savior story. I saw the title "The Last Samurai" and the picture of a Caucasian man and the impression that sprung forth from that said to me “save ya money”. If you are like me you are tired of white people inserting themselves as the central and dominant figures that civilized the world. Hollywood has whites come into other lands, cultures, terrain. or domain and civilize, subdue and master everything ( including the people) in their culture. This is not that typical tired story. It is more about sharing culture differences, showing respect for cultural difference and a white man with a heavy heart because of his role in massacring innocent Native American women and children because he was ordered to. This episode turns him into a rebellious, cynical alcoholic. He however is very knowledgeable about war, fighting and battle techniques. The story takes place around the time that the Civil war was ending. Things were changing all over the globe for Blacks, Native Americans, and The Japanese. Tom Cruise plays a Civil War veteran named Nathan Algren. He takes an opportunity in Japan to train the country's first army in the art of modern warfare (guns and cannons) .To survive he has to relearn everything he thought he knew about a warrior's code of honor. His ability to re-adjust his psyche makes him more than your average Joe. He goes from being a man ready to die to a man ready to live after he falls in love with Samurai culture. Set in Japan during the 1870s.The story really takes place after Cruise is forced to lead some troops that he is training against the respected and honored Samurai. His forces lose and instead of being killed he is captured. The Japanese government attempts to eradicate the ancient Samurai warrior class in preparation for more Westernized and trade-friendly policies. The Japanese are lead by a young and cowardly Emperor who is dishonest with the Samurai about what direction he wants the country to go toward. The emperor plots with older, greedy government officials to remove the Samurai culture in the interest of being more like western nations. This part makes the film so intriguing because the samurai leader Katsumoto (Watanabe) would sacrifice his life in an instant, if the emperor requested it. The emperor is like many leaders in history to the extent that he lacks character and simply being honest could stop the conflict. Viewers will find themselves much like Algren in that they will fall in love with the Samurai way of life. Katsumoto is the teacher and Algren is the student. Katsumoto is powerful as the Samurai leader, he is loving yet cold and his adoring refusal to lay down his arms due to loyalty, tradition and honor is better than anything that you might have seen in Anime or other Japanese martial arts films that simply focus on fighting. This is a stunning spectacle of cultural violence, which pays homage to the great Japanese samurai tradition. Although it can be said that the good guys lose in the final analysis, the adventure triumphs over everything because humanity loves honor even when it is no longer realistic to uphold. The final scene against the imperial army – moves us into epic legendry. Who cares who wins, but tell us why were you fighting? In the end it will be the little things that make you like this film so let me leave you with some Simple Samurai philosophy from the film. Algren: "I killed her husband!?" ……. Katsumoto: "It was a good death” - Nuff said.

Starring: Sean Connery, Peta Wilson, Stuart Townsend, Tony Curran, Jason Flemyng

Directed by Stephen Norrington

Produced by Jane Hamsher, Don Murphy

Written by James Robinson, Alan Moore

Distributed by 20th Century Fox

Release Date: July 11th, 2003

Synopsis: Based very loosely on the Alan Moore graphic novel epic of the same name, this is the story of a group of characters drawn from famous works of literature, including Captain Nemo, Allan Quatermain, The Invisible Man, Mina Murray and Dr. Jekyll, banding together to combat criminal undertakings of the highest order near the turn of the 19th century. Rather than remain true to the comic roots, the film also incorporates Tom Sawyer and Dorian Gray, in an apparent effort to keep the cast from being entirely without Americans, and it is set in New York.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: C-

Save your money, save your money, save your money. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (LXG) is trash when you compare it to other science fiction/action films that have come out this summer. By the way this review contains spoilers, although it shouldn't matter. There are a whole lot of people from novels and books we read as kids or adults thrown into this movie. You have Tom Sawyer, Captain Nemo, Dr. Jekyl and Mr.Hyde, and more but it's all a waste. I don't even know why Dorian Gray and Tom Sawyer are in this film, it must be because they are Americans and all the other heroes are not. It's that annoying underlying jingoistic aura that has permeated many films done over the last 2 years. The American saved the world at the end despite the fact that he was the biggest liability throughout the film. Tom Sawyer devoid of any super powers or abilities was the awkward hero. I was thinking that Huckleberry Finn was going to appear in LXG somehow, and if he had nobody would have noticed or complained since this is that kind of soupy whatever-man type film. I admit that I never read the comic books on LXG and can't say I was a fan of this but I was looking forward to it because I usually like this kind of stuff. I am a fairly intelligent guy who can follow eclectic jumbled up stuff but can somebody tell me what the heck was going on. I think that somebody was smoking PCP when they wrote this film. I guess that would explain why LXG's storytelling style was upside down. It was told from the middle to the back, and then to the front. The LXG characters are also not consistent with their roles in books. The authors who created them if still alive would have been watching saying "hey my character can't do that". Dr.Jekyl was turned into a cross between baby Hulk and The Hunchback of Notre Dame. It seemed like such a copycat move since Hulk has already exposed moviegoers to a man going through a painful transformation 3 weeks ago. They had the nerve to set this film up for a sequel by taking us back to Kenya where we see the Sean Connery is about to come back from the dead because a African medicine man does a rain dance on his grave. They can do it again but they won't catch me there unless they give me some of that stuff they were on when they wrote this. -Nuff said. 

Starring: Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, John Rhys-Davies

Directed by Peter Jackson

Produced by Fran Walsh, Barrie M. Osborne, Peter Jackson, Tim Sanders

Written by Philippa Boyens, Fran Walsh, Peter Jackson, Phillippa Boyens, Stephen Sinclair

Distributed by New Line Cinema

Release Date: December 17th, 2003

Synopsis: The Fellowship's journey is coming to an end. Sauron's forces have attacked Gondor's capital of Minas Tirith in his final siege against mankind. Watched over by a fading steward, the once great kingdom has never been in more desperate need of its king. But will Aragorn find the strength to become what he was born to be and rise to meet his destiny? As Gandalf desperately tries to move the broken forces of Gondor to act, Théoden unites the warriors of Rohan to join in the fight. Even in their courage and passionate loyalty, the forces of men – with Éowyn and Merry hidden among them – are no match against the swarming legions of enemies raining down on the kingdom. With each victory comes great sacrifice. Despite their great losses, The Fellowship charges forward in the greatest battle of their lifetime, united in their singular goal to give Frodo a chance to complete his quest. Traveling across treacherous enemy lands, Frodo must rely increasingly on Sam and Gollum as The Ring continues to test his allegiance and, ultimately, his humanity.

Gumby Dammitt Says: Overall: A-

I'm going to forego all the obvious observations of negative racial imagery that the series is rife with and review the film on it's other merits. Instead I will simply state that I am thoroughly convinced that Peter Jackson's monumental film adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien's classic trilogy The Lord of The Rings will be the new definition of EPIC film making. Filmed with a noticeably great deal of affection, Jackson's esteem for Tolkien's tale is quite palpable and you can sense this affection for the characters and the material itself as you watch the films. The final installment in the trilogy, The Return Of The King, is more of the same, only more climactic, and just as grand in scale. The cinematography is outstanding, just as in the previous two features, evoking a massive sense of open space that allows you to believe in the distances the characters travel, which in turn pulls you directly into the urgency of the journey. It also sweeps you up, almost directly into the film itself. The acting performances are sharp and crisp, especially Sir Ian McKellan's wizard, Gandalf, who rides around on his steed and commands respect and majesty almost like a king or a general. Elijah Wood's portrayal of Frodo is equally impressive and Sean Astin shines as Samwise Gamgee. The script and storytelling are greatly faithful to Tolkien's original work and come to life with ease. The crucial point of this final installment though, Frodo and Samwise Gamgee's journey to Mordor, begins to reach critical points as we find Frodo sleepless for days and gently petting the ring whilst Samwise sleeps and the twisted Gollum plots. The amount of time he has spent with the ring in his possession is slowly starting to corrupt his mind. Another splendid performance by the CGI character of the year, Andy Serkis's Gollum is back in all of his conflicted glory leading Sam and Frodo to Mordor, all the while plotting to murder them both and regain the precious ring. Both frighteningly insane and comical at the same time, Gollum is ultimately the end result of what becomes of the obsessive coveting of the wicked ring. It has destroyed his very life and twisted his once hobbit-like appearance. As a result he hates the ring and adores is all at once, the conflict splitting his psyche in half (well, along with the incident with his cousin all those years ago). Elsewhere, the Ents have shut down Saruman's Orc factory at Isengard and imprisoned the increasingly powerless wizard in his own tower, his threat eliminated, his Orc army defeated at the battle of Helm's Deep in the previous film (The Two Towers). A sore point with Christopher Lee, who portrays the evil wizard Saruman in the trilogy, his only scene in the final film was left on the cutting room floor by director Jackson. But it will surely find it's way into the extended version of the DVD, so fear not, it will be seen, just not on the big screen (at least not until they re-release these films in theaters in about twenty years). Huge battles abound in Return of The King, much as they did in The Two Towers, with the forces of man always in shorter supply than the endless armies of Orcs manufactured by Mordor and Isengard. However, as in the previous installment, forces show up on behalf of man's armies to turn the tide; this time the battleground is Gondor. The film is rife with heroes, of which the ever doting Samwise Gamgee may loom the largest as the protector of Frodo's quest, still heeding Gandalf's warning from the first film ('don't you lose him Samwise Gamgee..'). Ever suspicious of Gollum, his stalwartness proves immensely valuable when Frodo falls victim to the deadly Shelob, a magnificently rendered CGI spider which preys upon the unwitting who stumble into her caves. Spectacular imagery, faithful adaptation and strong performances all around make Lord of The Rings: Return of The King, a powerful and dynamic close to a massive film experience of truly epic proportions. Gold statues all around this spring, Oscar calls for Frodo.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: B+

Before I even talk about this film let me pre-warn you that it is almost 4 hours long once you count the other movie previews and commercials that are running in the theatre these days. If you plan to go, you better block out a whole lot of time and don't drink anything unless you have a super strong bladder. You could miss something good when you go to the bathroom, so go quick, although missing 3 minutes of a 3 hour film probably won't be much if it is in the middle of the film (This movie almost needs an intermission). When I did step out however,  I wondered if I had missed the black people because in all 3 films there was not a sign of even one, not even an octoroon in a tree. Amazing how white science fiction writers ignore the reality that they are the global minority whenever they tell a tale, but it is a shortcoming and not worth harping on because if you're  into this sort of epic tale of sorcery, science fiction, etc then it does not get much better than Return of the King, the best of the ring trilogy. If you followed the first 2 you are probably hooked on Gollum. Who is like a neo-futuristic crackhead that will do anything for the ring. He is even better animated than he was in the made for TV cartoon. 

For those of you who aren't familiar with the story or who are just forgetful, a quick recap, The Fellowship of the Ring: The hobbit Bilbo Baggins has a gold ring. It's an all-powerful ring. The forces of evil in Middle-earth are looking for it, and it must be destroyed by being cast into the lava of Mount Doom in Mordor. 9 people volunteer to take the ring to be destroyed: the wizard Gandalf , the humans Aragorn and Boromir, the elf Legolas, the dwarf Gimli (who will fight anybody), and hobbits Frodo the ring-bearer, Samwise, Merry & Pippin. In this film Merry & Pippin come out of the closet because you have to be blind to not notice they are GAY! Oh man it is oozing, they make eyes at each other, gaze into each others eyes. Its obvious to me which one is the "girl" in this film but let me relax before you all start writing me about being a homophobe. Ok where was I. The 9 volunteers all go different routes which leads us to the next installment, The Two Towers where Frodo and Sam meet the ring's previous owner, Gollum, previously known as Smeagel who is a computer-animated creature. Gollum is mentally twisted and conflicted and, in the end, secretly plots to get the ring back. All in between this journey to destroy the ring the evil wizard Saruman is trying to find the ring before they can destroy it. And all the while Frodo and Samwise keep getting closer to Mordor. Plus, there's this big, eyeball trying to keep tabs on where the ring is. Okay now you're all caught up and can see this last part. 

As in The Two Towers, the movie splits our attention. One story line follows thunderous end-of-the-world battles pitting Aragorn and members of the original Fellowship -- the wizard Gandalf , the elf Legolas (Orlando Bloom), the dwarf Gimli and hobbits Merry and Pippin -- along with the rest of Middle-earth against the great evil, Sauron. Its like watching 2 films together maybe that is why it is so long but despite its length you will be fulfilled when the ring is finally destroyed. Stop crying you knew the ring was going to get destroyed, it wasn’t ever a question. Its all about the journey to do it and the battles scenes that we are treated to in the process and the slick story telling direction of Peter Jackson on an old tale by Tolkein. It's why we take the journey, its why you will be satisfied even if you did not see the other two. How else does a trilogy that averages close to 4 hours each when you count movie advertisements become so popular in an attention deficit disorder filled, American culture. Like the Matrix trilogy there is more than meets the eye in this entertainment and satires will be done off of some of the characters like Gollum who are easy to spoof. I swear if didn't know any better I would think Gollum was Bush  - Nuff Said 

Starring: Nick Cannon, Christina Milian, Vanessa Bell Calloway, Kal Penn, Steve Harvey

Directed by Troy Beyer

Produced by Mark Burg, Reuben Cannon, Broderick Johnson, Andrew A. Kosove

Written by Troy Beyer Michael Swerdlick

Distributed by Warner Bros.

Release Date: December 12h, 2003

Synopsis: An unpopular but super-intelligent teenage boy, Alvin Johnson (Cannon), hires a cheerleader (Milian) (by paying to fix her mother's car which she has recently wrecked) to pose as his girlfriend so that he can improve his reputation in school, which leads to high jinks and shenanigans that are both romantic and comedic.

A Playahata Guest Reviewer - Sheisty : Overall: B-

Maybe I'm getting a little too old or something, but I just didn't "feel" this movie. I'm not the biggest Nick Cannon fan (sorry, anyone down with R. Kelly loses points in my book by mere association), but I gotta admit there was something lovely about Drumline. Drumline was a 'perfect storm' from a family movie perspective: funny, insightful, and with only a handful of potentially embarrassing scenes. You could peep it with your nephews and grandma and not feel the urge to fast forward once. It was at once entertaining and gratifying, proving that "urban" audiences can appreciate movies that depict other aspects of our culture (in this case HBCU's) than the usually ghetto tales Hollywood peddles us.

I made the mistake of expecting the same thing here, although that's probably not fair given the nature of the movie. Taking place in the insular world of high school cliques, the movie does a good job of showing teens the benefits of being true to self. And I won't front, Milian is a cute lil' slice of poundcake (damn, now I sound like R. Kelly), watching her for an hour and change was a pleasurable use of time. But for a comedy, this movie is painfully short on laughs. I mean, seriously, there's nothing funny here until Al sheds his nerdy image and becomes a cool guy. For someone who showed so much promise in Drumline, Cannon just doesn't have the juice to handle such a boring and predictable script. Provided you watched any of the 100 million "teenage tit-flicks" made in the 80's (this movie is a loose remake of 1987's "Can't Buy Me Love") 10 minutes into this movie, you know that Alvin is going to get gassed off the newfound popularity at school and turn on his dorky friends, Paris will reluctantly fall for him only to be rebuffed, and Alvin will be bought back to Earth when everyone finds out the secret, but he'll be a better man cause he's rediscovered the value of being himself. A third grader could peep this one from the jump, but then again, maybe that's the point. Don't get it twisted though, there's plenty to like about Love Don't Cost A Thing, especially the theme of teaching teens to love themselves and not go along with the crowd just to fit in. The smartness over popularity message is something you don't see a lot in urban movies, and it is refreshing. And while I found it a little dry for a comedy, maybe you'll find some of the jokes funnier than I did. While it's by no means a "new school classic" like Drumline, Love Don't Cost a Thing is probably worth peepin' at a matinee.

Starring: Jamie Kennedy, Anthony Anderson, Taye Diggs, Regina Hall, Ryan O'Neal

Directed by John Whitesell

Produced by Fax Bahr, Mike Karz, Adam Small

Written by Nick Swardson, Fax Bahr, Adam Small, Jamie Kennedy

Distributed by Warner Bros. 

Release Date: April 18th, 2003

Synopsis: This is the story of Brad Gluckman (Kennedy), a wannabe rap star from Malibu who acts and talks like he's from the "'hood." Concerned that his son is going to embarrass him during his campaign to become the governor of California, Brad's wealthy father (O'Neal), and his campaign manager (Underwood), hire two Juilliard-trained actors (Diggs and Anderson) to disguise themselves as "real life gangstaz", and kidnap his son, dropping him off in the "real hood" in Compton, in an effort to scare the "ghettofied" attitude and behavior out of him.

A Playahata Guest Reviewer - Sheisty: Overall: B-

If 2003's raucous box office smash Bringing Down The House taught us anything, it's that a whole lot of people still find racial stereotypes really, really funny. Lucratively funny. The Queen Latifah/Steve Martin comedy has raked in over $125M to date, and over 125 Million different opinions about whether the movie was a setback for race relations or just a good laugh (this writer's opinion is the former; that movie was Birth of a Nation bad). Well, on the heels of that blockbuster, we have Malibu's Most Wanted, whose makers probably hope to hit the same cash-cow jackpot by flipping the script just a little. Suburban rich kid Brad Gluckman, aka:B-Rad (Jamie Kennedy of the WB's Jamie Kennedy Experiment and all those Scream movies) is son of a gubernatorial candidate and your consummate "Wigger". When his public Vanilla-Icey antics threaten his father's chances of winning, his campaign manager (Blair Underwood, who still looks about 25, but shouldn't be playing this type of role anymore at age 40 something) concocts an idea to "scare the black" outta' him. The plan: hire a couple of down-on-their-luck actors (Taye Diggs - who's showing some surprising comedic skill, first in Brown Sugar, now here; and Anthony Anderson - who nicely redeems himself after so-so appearances in Barbershop and Kangaroo Jack) to kidnap B-Rad, take him to South Central LA, and show him how it really goes down in the Hood'. Using a beautiful ghetto honey (Regina Hall, whose gratuitous posterior shot probably isn't the best way to build a career that's only consisted of the Wayans' Scary Movie trilogy thus far) as bait, the Julliard and Pasadena Playhouse trained thespians-turned-thugs carjack B-Rad and begin the $30,000 task of trying to "turn him white". Good luck. This movie works for several reasons, first and foremost, it's just plain funny. Watching Diggs and Anderson (although he slips out of character frequently) adapt gangsta' lingo and mannerisms with the approach of preparing for an acting gig is downright hilarious. B-Rad's over the top behavior makes any attempt to brand this movie as an affront to hip-hop culture moot; if nothing else, since he and the actor/gangsters are so incredibly goofy, the entire thing comes off as a welcome spoof of rap's often manufactured thug life machismo. For that fact alone, it easily skirts any of the racially tinged debate that was associated with Bullworth or Bringing Down The House, which allows you to just relax, enjoy, and laugh, which is the whole point of comedies anyway. And Malibu's Most Wanted most definitely delivers.

Starring: Lisa Kudrow, Damon Wayans, Richard Benjamin, Jane Krakowski, Christine Baranski

Directed by Richard Benjamin

Produced by Scott Rudin, Gabriel Grunfeld, Keri Selig, Edgar J. Scherick

Written by Paul Rudnick

Distributed by Paramount Pictures

Release Date: August 22nd, 2003

Synopsis: When protest breaks out over Dr. S's new CD, the owner of the rapper's record label, Ben Feld, is hospitalized by a heart attack. But his pampered daughter Marci, who's never set foot in the business world, steps in, stands up to Dr. S and tries to tone down his bad-boy edge.

Ooh Papi Says: Overall: C-

This film was weak so I waited for 2 weeks to review it. I figured it can't be as bad as the trailer for it. I guess everybody knew it would be bad because the theatre was empty for the 9pm show and a Maryland movie house had given me the tickets for free with NO restrictions. This stunt dummy stuff the Wayans guy loves is not even funny in most cases. In "Marci X," Marci Feld (Lisa Kudrow) takes over a rap label after the raunchy tunes of its biggest act provoke a senator to demand the head of the label's ailing CEO, who happens to be Marci's dad. As the new label chief, Marci embarks on a mission to make Dr. S (Damon Wayans) clean up his act. Of course nobody else cares or has tried except her. They wind up falling in love. Jaws drop on both sides as if 50 cent hooked up with Jennier Anniston. A firestorm of media speculation ignites over the blond Jewish American princess and the obscenely tattooed misogynist.

You can ALMOST detect a jagged salvo on the hypocrisies of race, sex, class, and hip-hop lurking beneath the lazy indifference. This could have been like Robert Downey Sr.'s "Putney Swope" for Jewish girls; instead it's exasperating in its politically toothless jabs. This is meaningless 35 mm time and bad acting by supporting cast. I really wanted to be offended -- by its brilliance or by how boldly awful it could be. (I didn't care which.) But "Marci X" barely cares about having an opening day. Kudrow is game for the movie's stereotypes and cultural jabs, at one point even donning an old Erykah Badu styled Kente cloth head wrap and gown. But Wayans, for his part, provides only a shaky sense that he knows what he's doing. Permed and pimped-out at a time when we are all so sick of it, Dr. S is trapped somewhere between one of Wayans's old "In Living Color" caricatures and Snoop Dogg, resulting in a persona more laughable than threatening. And the hard-core hip-hop that's supposed to be an affront is simply a handful of old tunes from C+C Music Factory that somebody just put in the microwave. The movie has no idea what to make of black people or hip-hop culture; the script seems as if it's been written by someone who spent one morning at the doctor's office flipping through a copy of Vibe. Rudnick has better luck with vapid Jewish aristocrats, which shouldn't be surprising since he spends a lot of time as one: He writes a very funny movie column for Premiere magazine as "Libby Gelman-Waxner." But here he can't even bring off his assaults against J.Lo, Suge Knight, P. Diddy, and 'N Sync with anything resembling conviction or aplomb. Marci X, though, is just clueless and sad, seemingly having missed the point that hip-hop is no longer a novelty to be slapped on the cheek with a white glove. Although now that the music and its lifestyle have conquered the world's teenagers, I suppose the only frontier left is their grandmothers.

Starring Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss, Laurence Fishburne, Hugo Weaving, Jada Pinkett-Smith

Directed by Andy Wachowski, Larry Wachowski

Produced by Joel Silver

Written by Andy Wachowski, Larry Wachowski

Distributed by Warner Brothers

Release Date: May 15th, 2003.

Synopsis: Neo, Morpheus, Trinity, and the rest of their crew continue to battle the machines that have enslaved the human race in the Matrix. Now, more humans are waking up out of the matrix and attempting to live in the real world. As their numbers grow, the battle moves to Zion, the last real-world city and center of human resistance.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: A-

Finally a science fiction film with a lot of Black people in it! Actually, The Matrix Reloaded has more people of color in it than it does white people. Hats off to the brothers (Larry & Andy) Wachowski for breaking the mold. Usually you have Star wars, Star Trek, Logan's Run, Lord of the Rings, etc w/a token Negro here or there. In the Matrix you have people looking like you & me sharing the power & sitting at those command tables, even sistas' get in on the action & the young ones are all dimes. It was refreshing to see the world population shown as it REALLY IS, whites are the minority. A term we have so happily adopted. Think about Logan's Run, which took place in a futuristic Washington, D.C. a.k.a. Chocolate City and there were no Black people in it - no wonder it was wack. This time "RACE MATTERS" so we get Cornel West sitting on the consulate and it's not an accident. We get black Counselors, Commanders and Captains. Outside of the racial pioneering this movie is deep & true to its rabbit hole philosophy. It's layered with allegory that will pass right over the heads of many people. This movie is like a Rakim rhyme in that you won't catch much of the meaning until after a few playbacks; that's real life because everything can't be summed up in a nutshell. The world is not a tabloid. Some people are complaining that they didn't get it all, that's because it is not over yet. They stopped the movie halfway therefore you are supposed to have questions. People are upset that it seems that both of the best characters Morpheus & Neo are not as powerful as they had seemed. The in between time of not knowing is killing them but November 2003 is not that long to wait. Is NEO the ONE well look closer at his 3 letter name and move the letters around 2 places that might help. This film reaches beyond the action and hits the humanity message showing how our strengths and weaknesses can be the same like Neo's love for Trinity. It deals with ancient philosophy and a Buddhist belief that we are all connected

But enough with the big brain shit, mad props to Yuen Wo Ping for the illest fight scenes ever. The stuff you used to only be able to see in a comic book is all happening on a screen thanks to technology and his cinematography. I was even feeling the techno/opera like soundtrack. I ain't heard stuff like that mixed with action since Damian Omen 2. We got Freaky French men who make orgasm cake & get blowjobs. Megalomaniac Agents unplugged. This flick is mixing action bits from the best of all worlds real and imagined. Superman, Bruce Lee, Terminator. You don't believe me right? It's okay the Architect already said "denial is the most predictable human response and therefore it's only 250,000 of us with the equivalent of the red pill. So I will quit here. - Nuff Said

Eyecalone Says: Overall: B

Understand, this is not X-Men United (the recently released sequel to the first X-Men movie). This is The Matrix Reloaded, a sequel and second installment in the 3-part Matrix Trilogy, thus you NEED to have seen the first one to fully enjoy this one. I know it's hard to resist the hype and you want to go to the movies like everybody else but before you attempt to engage this sequel rent, borrow, or buy and watch the first Matrix and then you might be able to follow the twist and layers in the plot of Reloaded (I said maybe). I consider myself a pretty sharp person, especially when I am truly interested in something, but truth be told despite my high level of interest, I felt like I had missed several of the finer points in The Matrix Reloaded until I viewed it a second time. This may have been due to the fact that Andy and Larry Wachowski, who wrote and directed the trilogy have been so ambitious in what they've tried to do with this groundbreaking sci-fi epic, in terms of storyline and special effects. Yes Neo, played by Keenu Reeves, is now able to fly while inside the Matrix like another actor with the sir name Reeves used to do in the Superman movie series (fortunately they don't overuse this ability). Yes the special effects are even more astounding than in the first Matrix film, which spawned so many imitators (if you look closely at the scene where Neo fights a crew of Agent Smith replicas you will see that Neo's character switches back and forth between live action and full computer animation). And yes the martial arts inspired fight scenes, choreographed by Yuen Wo Ping, are once again great. But beyond the astounding visuals is a much deeper story that to many people has a far larger meaning in real life. Beneath the surface, The Matrix Reloaded draws on the Wachowski brothers own studies of "Eastern Philosophy", Mythology, Buddhism, Christianity, social science, race, and psychology. 

Although the Wachowski brothers have been relatively tightlipped about the true meanings behind their films, it is clear from them and others close to the creation of the Matrix series that many things were done quite intentionally. For instance, as with the first Matrix film, there is a heavy presence and prominence of people of color, particularly those of African descent in the film. Some of the literary work ("Prophesy Deliverance" and "Race Matters") of current Princeton University professor and renowned African-American scholar, Cornell West is cited by the Wachowski brothers as a major influence in their thinking. Also in a recent interview, Laurence Fishburne who plays Morpheus, said that the film studio originally wanted to cast Morpheus' character as a white male but the Wachowski brothers refused saying they created the roll with Fishburne in mind. While most of Hollywood is tying the success of their action and sci-fi films to the testosterone of teenage males, The Matrix series has embarked on a different path, dealing with philosophical questions about the definition of reality and control, albeit in an open-ended fashion. The movie does end on a cliff-hanger that sets up the final chapter to the film, Matrix Revolutions which will debut in November 2003 so some will be disappointed. There are limits to what I will say about the film out of fear of revealing too much information but I will say that the introduction of new personalities (like the mysterious French-loving Merovingian, his wife Persephone, and the apparently nameless, silver deadlocked twins) as well as changes to old ones, (a freelancing, egomaniacal Agent Smith and finding that Morpheus' belief in Neo being humanity's savior is mostly viewed as religious zealotry back in Zion). Unfortunately, Reloaded does mistakenly reproduce some of the sappy side shows (hint: smooch, smooch) that may have annoyed some viewers of the original Matrix, but overall it does satisfy. In my opinion this is the most groundbreaking and intelligent sci-fi series ever brought to the big screen - it will be interesting to see how it ends [sit tight through the credits and you will see a 60 second preview of Matrix Revolutions].

Starring Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss, Laurence Fishburne, Hugo Weaving, Jada Pinkett-Smith

Directed by Andy Wachowski, Larry Wachowski

Produced by Joel Silver

Written by Andy Wachowski, Larry Wachowski

Distributed by Warner Brothers

Release Date: November 5th, 2003.

Synopsis: In the third installment, the epic war between man and machine reaches a thundering crescendo: the Zion military, aided by courageous civilian volunteers like Zee and the Kid, desperately battles to hold back the Sentinel invasion as the Machine army bores into their stronghold. Facing total annihilation, the citizens of the last bastion of humanity fight not only for their own lives, but for the future of mankind itself. But an unknown element poisons the ranks from within: the rogue program Smith has cunningly hijacked Bane, a member of the hovercraft fleet. Growing more powerful with each passing second, Smith is beyond even the control of the Machines and now threatens to destroy their empire along with the real world and the Matrix. The Oracle offers Neo her final words of guidance, which he accepts with the knowledge that she is a program and her words could be just another layer of falsehood in the grand scheme of the Matrix. With the aid of Niobe, Neo and Trinity choose to travel farther than any human has ever dared to go - a treacherous journey above ground, across the scorched surface of the earth and into the heart of the menacing Machine City. In this vast mechanized metropolis, Neo comes face to face with the ultimate power in the Machine world--the Deus Ex Machina--and strikes a bargain that is the only hope for a dying world. The war will end tonight, with Neo's destiny and the fate of two civilizations inexorably tied to the outcome of his cataclysmic confrontation with Smith.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: B

This final installation of the Matrix (Revolutions) left many people disappointed because it left open ended possibilities to questions that many people had waited to have answered, but the wait is what was wrong with this film. The wait for Revolutions just wasn't long enough to allow people to appreciate installment #2 Reloaded. It was only 6 months later and the DVD for Reloaded just came out about 2 weeks ago, thus people didn't really get a chance to get involved at the level that the Matrix trilogy requires to understand it. The Wachowski brothers use a lot of religious and historical allegory as well as symbolism. This makes it like a Rakim rhyme where you usually don't catch everything said the first time around, and each time you notice something else. The first film had a lot of time (circa 3 years) for people to study the concepts introduced. Combine that with another DVD called the Animatrix that was integral to understanding the whole trilogy, but that most people have yet to see. That made for a few glitches for people watching Reloaded but in due time many people will appreciate the groundbreaking story that The Matrix is and despite what critics, who got lost, say about Matrix Revolutions there is a reason that this film is approaching 1 Billion bucks and so many films are copying from it and parodies made of it. This film is popular because it appeals to those into the groundbreaking special effects it introduces, those into the stylish clothes, those into its many cool characters (especially villains), and those who just love the philosophy of it. The Matrix Revolutions doesn't have as many 'oohs and aaahs' as past films. The main 'ooh' is when Trinity, Morpheus and Seraph take on a gang of villains who battle upside down. Its cinematography never before seen in a film. This is almost like your eyes playing tricks on you because the good guys are right side up. The split camera shots are amazing but after that there is only one major fight / battle worth noting. The film basically moves into epic mode and gives us large battle scenes between humans and machines ala Lord of The Rings. Women play a huge warrior role in this film and people of color are again seen throughout in positions of command, which is unprecedented in major Hollywood releases that usually pretend the world is mostly white and treats everybody of color as appendages to white heroes and heroines. The attention to detail is the strength and weakness of the film. Machine Gods, Hidden anagrams in trains stations, and Oracles who claim that their job is to keep things unbalanced yet wear earrings that represent balance (ying/yang) require viewers to take another look. It wasn't all clear after my initial viewing but that is what I have come to expect of the Matrix creators. Yep,  I plan to see it again. - Nuff Said

Starring: Martin Lawrence, Steve Zahn, Bill Duke, Colm Feore, Eric Roberts

Directed by Dennis Dugan

Produced by Bobby Newmyer, Jeff Silver, Robert Newmyer, Jeffrey Silver, Michael Green

Written by Jay Scherick, David Ronn

Distributed by Columbia Tristar

Release Date: January 17th, 2003

Synopsis: Montgomery (Martin Lawrence) is a cocky L.A.P.D. cadet who would probably be a great cop if it weren't for his rebellious behavior. When his attitude gets him kicked out of the police academy, he can only find employment as a lowly security guard at "National Security." After Earl accuses uptight police officer Hank Rafferty (Steve Zahn) of harassment, Hank is stripped of his badge and ends up as a guard at National Security as well, where Earl's overzealous style of police work leads to the discovery of a sophisticated smuggling operation led by Nash (Eric Roberts) and a possible police cover-up. Now everyone wants Earl and Hank dead - though they just may kill each other first.

Eyecalone Says: Overall: C-

Dead Prez probably said it best when they said of television, "every channel got some brainwash cop shit to watch", apparently that observation applies to movies also. As much as this movie was supposed to be a comedy I couldn't help but notice the main undertone of the film that seemed to ridicule the black communities often legitimate accusations of police mistreatment and brutality. And of course, it was Martin's character that had the problem with race although that would probably be the only way to approach such an issue, in a comedy. There's something very unfunny about racist, name calling cops on the big screen, I'll leave it to you to figure out what it is. Subtle messages aside the script wasn't very funny. Although National Security, will draw some mild laughs, they mostly will be in response to Martin Lawrence's antics. Plus the action sequences aren't very good or novel. It's like the movie version of the action sequences from the A-Team where everybody has automatic weapons but only the bad guys get shot and you see the same 5 or six cars flip over, then the driver crawls out. Since I'm perpetually looking for the hookup I didn't pay to see this movie, I wouldn't suggest you did either, at least not at New York ticket prices.

Starring: Luke Wilson, Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn, Juliette Lewis, Ellen Pompeo

Directed by Todd Phillips

Produced by Dan Goldberg, Joe Medjuck, Todd Phillips

Written by Scot Armstrong, Todd Phillips, Court Crandall

Distributed by Dreamworks

Release Date: February 21st, 2003

Synopsis: This is the story of three guys in their early 30's, Mitch (Wilson), Frank (Ferrell), and Beanie (Vaughn), who try to relive their old college glory days by moving into a large house near their old campus. They inadvertently form an "unofficial fraternity", where students can enjoy all the riches of the partying lifestyle without the commitment that comes with having to abide by the university's fraternity rules. Soon, however, the realities of their past lives catches up with their wild college lifestyles.

Eyecalone Says: Overall: C+

Movie studios have been trying, unsuccessfully, to recapture the magic of a film like Animal House for a number of years now. They came closer than normal this time. True the humor was sophomoric and often sexual in nature but I found it a lot more amusing than other films that went after these same type of cheap laughs, such as American Pie 2 and Scary Movie 2. At times Old School plays like a bad Saturday Night Live skit, particularly towards the end when the funny sequences seem to wane but prior to that there are some sequences that will leave you teary-eyed. I won't even lie, I laughed really hard a few times. Will Ferrell's character (Frank) steals the show out of the three main characters when his joining of the "unofficial fraternity" brings back his "Frank the Tank" persona from his college days. If you're the kind of person that hates over the top, silly comedies, at all times then avoid Old School at all cost but if you occasionally go for those type of movies or sometimes attend films under "the influence" then you'll probably love it - you know which one you are! 

Starring: Denzel Washington, Sanaa Lathan, Eva Mendes, Dean Cain, John Billingsley

Directed by Carl Franklin

Produced by Neal H Moritz, Jesse B'Franklin, Jesse Beaton, Jessie Beaton-Franklin

Written by David Collard

Distributed by MGM

Release Date: October 3rd, 2003

Synopsis: When the police chief (Washington) of a small Florida town "borrows" money from the evidence room so he can run away with a woman (Lathan) he's always been in love with, she quickly betrays him, revealing that she only began having an affair with him as a way to seek revenge... Now, with his reputation and career on the line, an otherwise good cop must resolve his life before he runs out of time.

Bitter Bitch Says: Overall: C-

I’m always down to see a Denzel movie but this one was simply not worth the $8.50! Denzel is portraying an adulterous chief of police in a small Florida town. He’s having an affair with Sanaa Lathan, wife of an ex-professional football player turned security guard. Washington is in the middle of a divorce from Eva Mendez who works for the FBI (hmm a crime fighting union), yeah right. Washington commits the unthinkable for a police chief and “temporarily loans” money seized in a drug bust to his mistress, who then names Denzel the beneficiary of her 1 million dollar life insurance policy - now you know it’s a set up. It was predictable in every way, no twists, no turns. Not much action, not much sex, not much violence, not much of anything. The only saving grace of the movie is Denzel’s unusual side kick and confidant - he’s funny. Throughout the whole movie, I’m going “why doesn’t Denzel just tell his wife the truth and they can find the bad people together?” - but as Hollywood would have it, they are on the same side but Denzel is trying to keep his soon-to-be ex-wife off his trail – not gonna happen. The only surprise was that everyone with a love interest in the movie had an interracial relationship. Sorry Denzel, this one sucked and I hope that Sanaa doesn’t think that this film displayed her diversity as an actress. I’ve written better scripts at lunch.

Starring: Ben Affleck, John Davis, Aaron Eckhart, Uma Thurman, Paul Giamatti

Directed by John Woo

Produced by Michael Hackett, John Woo, Terence Chang, John Davis

Written by Dean Georgaris, James Gray, Philip K. Dick, Scott Frank

Distributed by Paramount Pictures

Release Date: December 25th, 2003

Synopsis: Ben Affleck stars as Michael Jennings, a brilliant computer engineer hired by high-tech corporations for specialized top-secret projects. Once a job is complete, Jennings routinely has his short-term memory erased so as not to divulge any sensitive company information to future clients. Highly paid for his work, he expects to earn $4.4billion at the end of his latest 3-year project. But upon completion of the job, instead of a big paycheck, Jennings is handed an envelope filled with random objects and told that he has agreed to forfeit all payment. With his memory erased as usual, Jennings has no way to prove them wrong until he discovers the objects are clues to the puzzle that once was his past. But with Federal agents hot on his heels, Jennings quickly learns that more than just his paycheck is at stake. In a race against time, Jennings must put the pieces together with the help of Rachel (Uma Thurman), the woman he has worked with and loved for the past three years who rekindles his memory of their life together, before the people he once worked for have him killed.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: D

Gigli move over, Ben has a new failure. Its called Paycheck. This is a bankrupt piece of sci-fi do-do. Ben Affleck plays a super-smart, kung-fu fighting, engineer" who does top-secret thievery jobs for tech companies, then gets his memory erased so he can't tell anybody about the projects. But then, for some reason, the people who just hired him are out to kill him - and Affleck must totally recall why. This adaptation of the Philip K. Dick short story has one good idea, but it plays the one note, again and again until it becomes a dull look. Affleck looks too, well - shiny - while costar Uma Thurman should fire her makeup staff or the lighting guy or someone, because she looks so bad in this film. Uma Thurman plays ass-kicking, martial arts Rachel, a biologist. It appears that she is employed by Rethrick to work on flowers. She spends three romantic years with Jennings knowing he will have his memory erased. She is also well paid by a corporation that enslaves its employees on a futuristic campus. So both Jennings and his girlfriend Rachel willingly work for a memory-erasing ruthless entrepreneur. How likely is that? If it is that important why doesn't the owner/entrepreneur have his memory erased and everybody around him. The action is more laughable than the occasional stabs at humor, and face it, this movie just sucks. Forget about seeing it. Stay home go to free a political prisoner rally or something. I wanted to like it , I mean Paycheck begins with a thought-provoking idea, then exploits it for its action and plot potential, but never develops it. By the end, the film seems to have lost enthusiasm for itself and should be scored with "Is That All There Is?" It's like an assembly of off-the-shelf parts from techno-thrillers: the vast laboratory, the cold-blooded billionaire industrialist, the hero in a situation that he doesn't understand, the professional security men who line up to get bumped off by the amateur computer nerd. Because the director is John Woo, we expect a chase and a martial-arts sequence, and we get them, but they're strangely detached; they feel like exercises. There are so many logic loopholes in the story that the lack of morals of the main characters slips by without being notice. Why are our "heroes" working for a billionaire thug who intends to rule the world? If you make one tiny change in the fabric of the future, wouldn’t you cause a chain reaction of unexpected events you then had no knowledge of? It's all a weak story on senseless memory erasing and after seeing it, I wish I could erase this film from my memory.

Starring: Katie Holmes, Patricia Clarkson, Oliver Platt, Sean Hayes, Derek Luke

Directed by Peter Hedges

Produced by John Lyons, Alexis Alexanian, Holly Becker, Gary Winick

Written by Peter Hedges

Distributed by United Artist

Release Date: October 17th, 2003(LA/NY)

Synopsis: April (Katie Holmes), the family black sheep, has to scour the neighborhood for an oven that works as she attempts to prepare Thanksgiving dinner for her relatives in the dilapidated tenement home she shares with her boyfriend, Bobby (Derek Luke). She wants no help from Bobby in cooking her 15-pound turkey, which she hopes will turn out for her mom (Patricia Clarkson), dad (Oliver Platt), brother, sister, and grandma. Her father says the day will be beautiful, but father doesn't always know best.

A Guest Playahata - Dat Chick: Overall: D+

Pieces of April is an independent film, independent of explanation. I must forewarn you, I am prejudice against dirt. I don't watch movies that take place prior to indoor plumbing for this very reason. I struggled through Pirates of the Caribbean thinking: "I know Captain Sparrow stinks, look at his hair, I bet he has scurvy". My neurosis is no secret but I was disgusted with the whole movie in the first 5 minutes when I saw the uncleanly conditions of April's apartment. Her lax lifestyle and her boyfriends unduly "naptaculous" hair style made me only further ominous of what the movie might bring. The film starts off with Bobby ( Derek Luke, Antwone Fisher, Biker Boyz) and April (Katie Holmes, Abandoned, Dawson's Creek) in bed and he awakening her with kisses. When she refuses to awaken, dreading the day pending, Luke puts her in the shower forcing her to awaken. That was my only guarantee someone in this film was mildly clean. But since I question the cleanliness of the bathroom, the water and soap too were possibly germ infested. Along the way she meets various characters including a black couple who are portrayed as stereo typical, let me first condemn the white girl, then feel sorry I did it, and help the white girl grow the phuck up. The movie does provide slight moments of self realization to achieve understanding that one entity cannot function without the other. Both between April and her family and the overall community. You gather April and her family are estranged by the camera cuts to the inside look at the dysfunction of their household in suburban New York. But the movie never states why April and her parents are at odds, making it harder to draw the lines of good and evil. April never portrays miscreant or anti-social behavior, just dirty and self absorbed. Your only clue that April has wreaked havoc in their life doesn't come until the end of the movie, and that is sketchy. Even then the list includes arson, bad boyfriends, sneaking out, and the smashing of good china. However to hear April tell it she is the first pancake child; the one you throw away. All of which aforementioned don't warrant being "thrown away" but instead are a thorough examination of teenage life.

What's more neurotic is the whole racial tip in the movie. Though the family hints towards being prejudice towards blacks, you are unclear if it was the audiences clue to further see the family's dysfunction and April' s righteousness or if the director really felt this way and manifested it into the characters. But what makes me believe that the writer felt he was a righteous soul and expressed his feelings not the characters necessarily is because this same prejudice pops up in the casting of Derek Luke to portray April's boyfriend, Bobby. The two had no chemistry or basis of a relationship other than April is a cooky Goth girl- [to be inferred by dress only], who therefore is anti-society as a whole and thus dates a black man. As if being color blind meant being deviant or eclectic. Luke though, professes undying love for April throughout the film. Luke goes on about the power of love and how it changes you to do things you never did before, when speaking to an acquaintance while purchasing a suit at a Thrift Store for such an auspicious occasion as meeting April's estranged parents. Bobby therefore "proves" his prior statement by taking on April's ex, Tyrone a white drug dealer, and his 7 biker boy friends, no pun intended, on his way home, with the suit on. If this was to further prove his love for her, they failed. Being jumped by a crew of white guys doesn't really prove love but a failure to contact the proper authorities. This extremely one-sided romance took on more of a friendly roommate relationship than lover. All affection expressed came from Luke. At no time did April express any real feelings towards Bobby other than that of a roommate. The movie ends on an equally corny and poorly written note. Complete with the everybody gets along conclusion no doubt without minorities, bitchy mothers, hen pecked fathers and their rebelling daughters. The script was very poorly written as if the producer tried to tie two entirely different stories, possibly stemming from their own life and make one. Pieces of April lives up to its titles as the scattered fragment leaves an up for grabs plot to the viewer.

Starring: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush, Jack Davenport, Keira Knightley

Directed by Gore Verbinski

Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer

Written by Jay Wolpert Stuart Beattie Terry Rossio Ted Elliott

Distributed by Walt Disney

Release Date: July 9th, 2003

Synopsis: Set in the Caribbean Sea in the 17th century, this is the story of a gentleman rogue of a pirate, Jack Sparrow (Depp), who teams up with the daughter (Knightley) of a governor (Pryce) to stop the evil plan of a ship of dangerous pirates (led by Rush) who are trying to reverse an ancient curse that leaves them stuck between life and death, with the light of the moon revealing their skeletons, like some kind of undead monsters.

Ooh Papi Says: Overall: A

Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl - what a long ass title. The title is created after a theme park ride so the movie seemed destined for failure. Pirates raises a very unique but important cinematic question: can a movie maintain the dramatic integrity of a theme park ride? In this case the answer is -- sure. Sure pirates stole gold, treasures and partook in a little bit of slavery - these are bad people even in this film. Any sailor worth his salt knows that "pirate" is a curse word you don't dare utter on the high seas. You just might summon the scavenger's fearful wrath. The movie which everybody is sleeping on has great production values, first-rate computer-animated special effects, and a strong ensemble cast ready to toss our low expectations overboard. Pirates resuscitates a lost genre. There are well-choreographed swordfights, a plank walking, and a mutiny led by a motley crew of cursed pirates. The story follows Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) and the ghostly crew of the Black Pearl as they seek a lost piece of gold that can lift a curse that's keeping them in a permanent undead state. Barbossa's skeleton crew is a sight to see. The wildly morbid special effects achievements are reminiscent of Michael Jackson' s "Thriller" video. Personally I wanted more screen time for Barbossa's scene-stealing monkey, but Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow is the real fun in Pirates' sails. The alcoholic pirate makes a memorable entrance on a sinking ship, and never releases the audience from the palm of his hand. He strikes a serious but comedic touch sort of  like "Captain Crunch". I really don't know what to say about this film except that you are going to like it. They are already making a sequel and this film looks like it will be one of the top 5 money makers for 2003. It had everything together, great costumes, sets, action sequences, not to mention the mind blowing special effects. This is the sleeper of 2003. Spend ya money, cause this film is worth it - its right up there with Die Hard.

Starring: Paul Walker, Tyrese Gibson, Eva Mendes, Tyrese, Cole Hauser

Directed by John Singleton

Produced by Neal H Moritz

Written by Michael Brandt, Derek Haas

Distributed by Universal Pictures 

Release Date: June 6th, 2003

Synopsis: Former cop Brian O'Conner (Walker) teams up with his ex-con pal Roman Pearce (Gibson) to transport a shipment of "dirty" money for shady Miami-based import-export dealer Carter Verone (Hauser), while actually working with undercover agent Monica Clemente (Mendes) to bring Verone down.

A Playahata Guest Reviewer - Sheisty : Overall: C-

Let's cut right to the chase (literally), I'm pretty sure you're not going to see this movie expecting Academy Award winning performances. You're probably not even expecting a coherent plot. And you're certainly not expecting anything even remotely close to reality to go down. Good. With the bar set exceptionally low from jump, 2 Fast 2 Furious delivers the signature high-energy street racing scenes of the original and little more. It's like a bag of Funyuns; temporarily satisfying, but so full of air, eventually you'll be hungry again.Very loosely related to it's 2001's The Fast And The Furious, 2 Fast moves the action to South Beach, following the exploits of Brian O'Conner (Paul Walker) who's been long since kicked out of the LAPD for letting Vin Diesel (who's predictably gotten too big to be in this sequel) get away in the previous movie. Now racing cars himself, in addition to some other shady dealings, he's picked up by Johnny Law and (does this kinda' deal ever really happen in real life?) given an ultimatum, use your driving skills to help capture a vicious drug lord, or go to jail. Quicker than you can say "cool black guy sidekick", he recruits an old homey Roman Pearce (Tyrese) to help bring the bad guys down. Okay, that's about the extent of the plot. You already know that there will be internal strife between the partners, that the cerebral and ultra cool white guy will fall for the lovely undercover cop (Training Day's Eva Mendes, who just doesn't look all that good in this movie), that the loud streetwise black dude will be responsible for all the funny lines, that there will be some half-dressed half-breed chicks along for the ride, and that in the end, the bad guys will be caught and the good guys will illegally take off with some of the bad guys' money, but of course, even the cops will turn a deaf ear to this. Blah Blah Blah. If it sounds like an extra long episode of Fox's now-defunct Fastlane, that's because it pretty much is.

But what about the racing scenes? Give director John Singleton (Boyz In The Hood, Higher Learning, Baby Boy, etc.) some credit for trying unique camera angles to jazz things up, because between the previous movie, Biker Boyz, etc., the whole drag racing thing is gettin' really played. The cars are no doubt hot, and Singleton uses some video game style camera techniques that will seem really familiar to anyone who's played Gran Turismo. At least he mixes things up a bit. The same can't be said for the lame assed plot and horrible dialogue. And what's up with your boy Tyrese? With this role, he's sure to add his name to the nominations for the upcoming "Coon of the Year" Awards (joining Queen Latifah for that amazing job in Bringin' Down The House). Seriously, when your character is written as a lazy, always cursing, always angry, perpetually verb breaking, cigar cutter stealing, ignorant, downright embarrassing ex-con, it's hard to overcome that one. The fact that the white guy is the exact polar opposite of everything I just said only makes the foolishness stand out even more. By comparison, Ludacris' bigger than expected role as a race "coordinator" seems downright Denzel-esque.While the whole "cool black guy sidekick" thing seemed to work reasonably well waaaay back in the days of 48 Hours and Lethal Weapon, let's face it, in 2003, that sh*t is over. Then again, with the way things work, he'll probably get an NAACP Awards nomination instead. But I digress.

---

Raising Victor Vargas Category: Drama Rating: R for strong language. Run Time: 1 hr. 28 min.

Starring: Victor Rasuk, Judy Marte, Melonie Diaz, Altagracia Guzman, Donna Maldonado

Directed by Peter Sollett

Produced by Scott Macaulay, Robin O'Hara, Peter Sollett, Alain De La Mata

Written by Peter Sollett

Distributed by Samuel Goldwyn Films/Fireworks Pictures

Release Date: March 28th, 2003 (NY).

Synopsis: Victor Vargas (Rasuk), a 16-year-old Dominican boy growing up on New York's Lower East Side, finds his self-image as a burgeoning ladies man deflated when the neighborhood finds out that he's dating an unpopular and overweight girl (Maldonado) who lives two stories above his grandmother's apartment (where he lives, along with his brother and sister). So, he sets his sights on the most beautiful girl at the local swimming pool, "Juicy" Judy Rodriguez (Marte).

Eyecalone Says: Overall: B+

There is a lot to be said for simplicity. If any proof was ever needed to show that you don't need a large budget or big name actors to make a good film then Raising Victor Vargas is it. Set in Manhattan's Lower East Side, Raising Victor Vargas is an extraordinarily simple and real tale about doing just that, raising young Mr. Vargas . There are no shootouts, or plugs for "thug culture". In fact the only excess machismo the main character expresses, is in his attempts to transform hi s teenage self, into the neighborhood lady's man to make the hood forget about his escapades with the most unpopular and unattractive girl in the neighborhood. It's a really direct and short story but it's also remarkably real and one most of us will be able to relate to. Underneath the, unintentionally hilarious, teenage antics of Victor is a story of a boy trying to adjust to his roll as man of the house, and his grandmother and legal guardian's struggle to in many ways prevent Victor, but especially his 2 younger siblings, from growing up. Woven into this is the sub plot of Victor's love interest, "Juicy Judy's", struggle to deal with issues of trusting men and sexism. It's a shame that more Latino/a filmmakers are not being given the opportunity, or better yet considering this films presumably small budget, taking the opportunity to make this kind of film. The actors are basically all new faces, in fact I hear most were recruited from flyers put in the neighborhood where the movie was filmed. Fortunately this gamble pays off because it seems more like you're watching regular people living their lives on a hidden camera, than actors reciting a memorized script - it plays extremely natural. I would definitely recommend this film to viewers of any age and background, in fact many of us fellas have been Victor Vargas at one point or another.

---

The Rundown Category: Action/Adventure and Comedy Rating: PG-13 for adventure violence and some crude dialogue. Run Time: 1 hr. 30  min.

Starring: The Rock, Seann William Scott, Christopher Walken, Rosario Dawson, Ernie Misko

Directed by Peter Berg

Produced by Kevin Misher, Marc Abraham, Karen Glasser

Written by: James Vanderbilt, Kario Salem, R.J. Stewart

Distributed by Universal Pictures

Release Date: September 26th, 2003.

Synopsis: When Travis (Scott), the son of an underworld kingpin, disappears in the Amazon in search of a priceless artifact, Beck (Rock), the kingpin's retrieval expert, is sent to get him. Despite their hostility - and their love for the same woman (Dawson) - the two must eventually join forces to fight the evil head (Walken) of a gold-mining corporation who is after the same treasure.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: B

Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a passing cameo in the opening of this film, when he and The Rock pass by each other. Arnold Schwarzenegger is on his way out, The Rock is on his way in, and while passing each other Arnold says "Have a good time" - I guess it symbolizes the passing of the guard because Rock is now the brolick king of Hollywood. The Rock could probably quit wrestling if he wanted to, but there's no reason for him to do that yet. Rundown is funny, it is a real action comedy. One of the cooler things about this action comedy is that it isn't a gun shoot'em up film. Beck (Rock's character) has an A-team like philosophy and he doesn't like guns, so he kicks everybody's ass with his hands. Well everybody except for one 5'5" crazy, fast, and strong Indian revolutionary who is the leader of the pack. That was a crazy action scene and it may have been a first. Equally as important as the action was the humor. Sean William Scott character is as funny as he is annoying. Let me warn you that this film has no real plot but for today it's ok. Scott is a selfish treasure hunter who makes us laugh with his actions more so than the things that he says. Most of the laughs in the film are over the action not the spoken word. Wait until you meet the horny monkeys who like human booty. Anyway did I mention that Rosario Dawson plays a South American Indian, nocturnal, revolutionary who is all the eye candy that we need. Her mouth is so beautiful that it is distracting.

Christopher Walken is still very good at playing bad guys, and he's no different in Rundown but once again "Hollyweird" lets the bad guy mouth off with a million reasons why the dark skin people in the film should be happy that their oppressor is their to give them employment and all this other ridiculous stuff. Yes he is a bad guy and yes we realize that he is supposed to say those things but the trend is that nobody ever says anything back in response to these type of bad guys in the film. It gives his argument subtle substance to some because his slick scripted wording goes unchallenged which is now the norm for how "Holly weird" presents this type of bad guy. What does help is that nobody probably heard, Walkens character's racist, imperialist views because all the men were busy staring at Rosario Dawson and all the women were staring at The Rock. "Hollyweird" doesn't hook the two up in the film romantically, although the sexual attraction between the two on screen is obvious. However its mainly Dawson's character checking out the Rock. Rock's character is portrayed as non-sexual and non-ethnic, I guess the two together is too threatening for tinsel town. In the end I was unsure if he went back to fight for her or just because it was the "right thing to do." However that is not the Rock's fault, he doesn't write the scripts and unlike our golfer friend, The Rock will let you know who he is. He lets us know that he is no "Caublanasian", like in a recent behind the scenes look at the movie where the rock joked that he could do everything but that his co-star couldn't "make a black baby". Let it be known Dwayne Johnson, a.ka. "The Rock", is the real deal and this movie is entertaining if nothing else - nuff said.

---

Scary Movie 3 Category: Comedy and Science Fiction/Fantasy Rating: PG-13 for pervasive crude and sexual humor, language, comic violence and drug references. Run Time: 1 hr. 30  min.

Starring: Anna Faris, Charlie Sheen, Anthony Anderson, Pamela Anderson, Peter Boyle

Directed by David Zucker

Produced by Robert K. Weiss, David Zucker

Written by: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer, Brian Lynch, Craig Mazin, Pat Proft, Jonathan Hurwitz, Hayden Schlossberg, Phil Beauman, Alyson Fouse

Distributed by Dimension Films

Release Date: October 24th, 2003.

Synopsis: The Scary Movie gang is back for the third installment in this spoof series, but they are no longer content to stick to the horror genre. Everything from "Lord of the Rings" to "8 Mile" is up for skewering.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: F

Scary Movie 3 is quite possibly the worst comedy movie of the year, and the worst horror flick. It's 15 minutes worth of film stretched into an hour and a half. You will want your money back, trust me on that. The opening week it made some nice money but word of mouth on trash spreads fast. The film is so cheesy it should be boycotted. The effeminate young Wayans brothers wrote and produced this film, and their lack of directorial experience shows. This is a film that should never have been made, time and money are too precious. Everything worth seeing is in the commercial- NUFF SAID

---

S.W.A.T. Category: Crime/Gangster, Thriller and Action/Adventure Rating: PG-13 for violence, language and sexual references. Run Time: 1 hr. 51 min.

Starring: Samuel L Jackson, Colin Farrell, Olivier Martinez, Michelle Rodriguez, LL Cool J

Directed by Clark Johnson

Produced by Dan Halsted, Chris Lee, Neal H Moritz

Written by David Ayer, David McKenna, Ron Mita, Jim McClain

Distributed by Columbia Pictures

Release Date: August 8th, 2003

Synopsis: The tables are turned when the Los Angeles Police Department's S.W.A.T. (Special Weapons and Tactics) unit must protect a dangerous criminal. A grizzled veteran SWAT officer (Jackson) is given a second chance to cobble together a new SWAT team to protect the high-profile bad guy.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: C

I grew up watching the television show S.W.A.T. and I used to run to the TV once I heard the theme music. It's a classic theme anthem although I am sure I would view the show differently now as opposed to when I was a kid. Before I review S.W.A.T. (btw the acronym means Special Weapons and Tactics), I feel compelled to first mention the often glossed over information about the origin of S.W.A.T..  Kathleen Cleaver the former communications secretary of the Black Panther Party (wife of Eldridge Cleaver) often reminds us that S.W.A.T. was formed to quell minority/black resistance, i.e. Watts Riots. They disguise it under the term urban resistance but we know who they are talking about. This is kind of ironic since 3 of the 5 main S.W.A.T. cast members are "black or brown" - Michelle Rodriguez, LL Cool J, and Samuel Jackson - even though they follow the lead of Colin Farrell.

Yes although Jackson known as Hondo is the boss, Farrell is more importantly "the leader". Farrell knows everything, they should have just painted a permanent light bulb over his head because he always has the ideas and answers. Everybody else is stumped over everything and they want Farrell's opinion on everything. He's so smooth and smart. I just wanted to stop the film and ask him where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. It's so obvious that the paradigm being enforced is white = brain and dark = brawn or bravado, and it is continuously being enforced. I think they should have nicknamed Farrell's character "Ask Jeeves" instead of "Jim Street".

There is a nice ensemble of minorities in the film even Hondo's adviser is a high ranking Black/Latin official in S.W.A.T., which allows the directors to get away with more racialized dogma. After all Samuel Jackson's character is presented to us as a kick ass and heralded officer who transfers back to S.W.A.T. from L.A.'s Rampart Division, which is probably the most scandal filled, crooked ,& notorious police department's in America. (see http://www.mapinc.org/rampart.htm or http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/lapd/scandal/).  Jackson's character is even presented to audiences as a man who enforces the police code of silence a.k.a. the Blue Wall of Silence. In fact, it becomes obvious that being silent despite being in the wrong is normal and part of some form of "police patriotism" in a number of on screen conversations. I guess we should accept this from our heroes on screen and only complain in real life or should we accept it in real life also? I was already secretly cheering for the bad guy to get away by the time this film reached the half way point. It's no wonder that some S.W.A.T. members become traitors before the movie ends, actually that is not a spoiler. It is so obvious what is going to happen that it is happening in slow motion. The "good guys" in SWAT discriminate against other would be candidates in the recruitment efforts because they are vegetarians and as Dan says "I don't trust anybody who doesn't eat good ole American Hotdogs and who has been on the force for 6 years without a blemish". In the end S.W.A.T. rejects the guy because he treats people with respect. Even if this was a comedy you have to ask yourself what kind of mess is being pushed under the guise of cool-ness. This movies is loaded with these anti-civilian messages and commentary but it is real slick and lightly done as if it is intended to be harmless. Of course there are some funny moments in this action drama but most elements of it are a little over the top for it to be considered anything more than "Ask Jeeves meets Bad Boys 3". Simply put this movie is nothing more than a large ad campaign for the military and the police, of which S.W.A.T. is both. For those of you saying "damn ... you got to get all deep, its only a movie" ...well this is only a review. - Nuff Said

---

Tears of the Sun Category: Thriller, Action/Adventure and Drama Rating: R for strong war violence, some brutality and language. Run Time: 1hr. 58min.

Starring: : Bruce Willis, Monica Bellucci, Cole Hauser, Fionnula Flanagan, Tom Skerritt

Directed by Antoine Fuqua

Produced by Mike Lobell, Arnold Rifkin, Bruce Willis

Written by Patrick Cirillo, Alex Lasker

Distributed by Revolution Studios

Release Date: March 7th, 2003

Synopsis: In director Antoine Fuqua's (Training Day) new action-adventure film, Bruce Willis stars as Lt. A.K. Waters, the loyal veteran officer of a Navy S.E.A.L unit. When he's sent into the heart of Africa, the usually hard-bitten Waters finds himself deeply conflicted at having to choose between following orders and the dictates of his own conscience. Though a fictionalization, Tears of the Sun deals with the gritty realism of human conflict as Lt. Waters travels to war-torn central Africa to rescue Dr. Lena Kendricks (Monica Bellucci), a U.S. citizen who runs a mission in the countryside. But when Lt. Waters arrives Dr. Kendricks refuses to abandon the refugees under her care. She implores Waters to escort them on a dangerous trek through the dense jungle to the nearby border. During the journey the S.E.A.L.s find themselves the unwitting guardians of a man sought by the rebel militia. This further endangers their already hazardous mission, but all the while strengthening Waters' resolve to protect Lena and the refugees, and to deliver them safely across the border.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: F

Revolution Studios produced this Sony Distributed film but there is nothing revolutionary about it. I thought just maybe because it had a Black director, that this film would not be what many of my peers said  it would. This military propaganda is dangerous for the majority of viewers who will view this film with no background knowledge of civil wars in Africa. The movie was filmed in Hawaii but it was supposed to be in Nigeria yet they generalize Africa as if it is a country and not a continent. One scene shows a battleship and shows a title reading "off the coast of Africa" ..uh duh what does that tell us, nothing. Oh, I forgot Africa is monolithic its the same all over, better yet Africa is an island we know exactly where that coast is.

That's just the setup for later in the film. You have to pay attention to the dialogue though and know just a little something about Africa and its relationship to the U.S., especially Nigeria .This film is very graphic, the Nigerians are depicted as savages and sub-human -all very intentional ploys. The film features orgies of gratuitously violent scenes orchestrated by the Muslim Nigerians. Most people will go for the okey-doke, especially after that embarrassing episode that actually did happen in late November of 2002 (http://www.washtimes.com/world/20021127-98354.htm), that was shown all over the world. That was some coonish, religious zealotry where Nigeria's Muslim population did act up but this film will have people calling for a re-colonization effort. "Hey they can't handle all of those resources and they are animals". This film gets very offensive and insulting and since it is a fictional story not based on any actual events like a movie such as Black Hawk Down, they just get really crazy with their propaganda. Its on all levels, and not even subtle. I was disgusted by the predictability of the film and how images were used to damage the black psyche. Peep how, the white woman (doctor) is shot juxtapose to some Nigerian women, the white chic is shot in a subtlety sexy way ...you know that wet look, with the long hair flowing, it's hot and wet and she's been in the jungle for 30 hours, shirt open with the pushup bra, and still got lipstick on. The black women on the other hand look as if they really been running from killers in the jungle for 30 hours. Tears of the Sun is so bad it brought tears to my eyes. Another film where the moral and compassionate white man saves us from ourselves.- Nuff said

---

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines Category: Action/Adventure Rating: R for strong sci-fi violence and action, and for language and brief nudity. Run Time: 1 hr. 48 min.

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Nick Stahl, Kristanna Loken, Claire Danes, David Andrews

Directed by Jonathan Mostow

Produced by Andrew G. Vajna, Mario Kassar, Joel B. Michaels, Colin Wilson, Moritz Borman, Guy East, Nigel Sinclair

Written by Tedi Sarafian, John Brancato, Michael Ferris, John D. Brancato

Distributed by Warner Brothers

Release Date: July 2nd, 2003 Nationwide

Synopsis: Arnold Schwarzenegger returns in this third installment of the popular sci-fi action saga as a cyborg from the future once again becoming involved in the affairs of twenty-something John Connor and his first battles with the SkyNet machine network.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: B

It's been 12 years since the last Terminator film & 19 years since the first so you never thought "He'll be back". But, ... he's back and Arnold hasn't missed much of a beat. Even after the hiatus, viewers are able to pick right back up on the story. He almost looks the same. He comes into the past (our present) naked again and this allows you to see that even though he is 50, he is back to working out again. I was also impressed with the "actioning" skills of the female terminator (Kristanna Loken ). Although she didn't speak much at all, she was no joke and she kicked ass. Speaking of ass, she appeared naked entering our present and it was obvious that her "marketing ass" was helped immensely by those crimson leather skin- fitting pants. Believe it or not she is probably more vicious & indestructible on screen than the Robert Patrick's liquid-metal terminator from T2. She has more powers and gadgets and its fun just waiting to be able to see her display them. Together she and Arnold take us on a ride of action, excitement, and humor sequences (i.e. "talk to the hand"). 

The script writing and drama is a level below both of the previous Terminator films and that is probably because there is a new director. Gone is the brilliant James Cameron of T1 and T2. This new guy is the type who also doesn't cast any non-white people in the film despite the fact that they are in the Los Angeles area. It's back to the colorless science fiction fantasy, no wonder all the black actors are waiting on tables in tinsel town. Ultimately this movie is now saying to us that despite time travel it is our destiny to meet an apocalyptic fate due to our technological upgrades of artificial intelligence software, automation and abuse of what technology has to offer. I guess that is why Linda Hamilton and others opted not to come back for this one. Although not nearly as much drama as the others, this movie tackles a serious topic which is one of the world's biggest dilemmas which is American leadership and their proliferation of weapons of mass destruction (nuclear). WMD is an "American cause and effect" syndrome so despite the fact that nuclear shelling will effect the world we only see how it plays out here. It's an ongoing question about fatalism that comes from our continued billion dollar spending and building of these WMD. What is inevitably going to happen when a society which has invested so much into creating destructive technology allows that technology to become more mechanical and automated and no longer relying on human factors like compassion and reason? Our optimism says that we merely keep stockpiling and imploding these weapons as a deterrent but our natural skepticism says that eventually these weapons will be used for more sinister means and the day that happens it will be obvious that there will be no winners, only losers. Despite its flaws T3 wins approval but I don't know if I will be tuning into director Jonathan Mostow, Terminator 4 which it sets itself up for - three warning message is enough.

---

Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life Category: Action/Adventure Rating: PG-13 for action violence and some sexuality. Run Time: 2 hr. 10 min.

Starring: Angelina Jolie, Gerard Butler, Chris Barrie, Djimon Hounsou, Ciaran Hinds

Directed by Jan De Bont

Produced by Lawrence Gordon, Lloyd Levin

Written by Dean Geogaris, Dean Georgaris

Distributed by Paramount Pictures

Release Date: July 25th, 2003.

Synopsis: This time around, archaeologist and explorer extraordinaire Lara Croft journeys to a temple, sunken underwater, that leads to a sphere that contains the mythical Pandora's Box, only to have it stolen from her by Chen Lo, the leader of a Chinese crime syndicate, who's in league with a bad guy named Reiss who wants to use the Box as a doomsday weapon.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: C

Everybody should be familiar with Pandora's Box, it's a classic, mythical tale of epic proportions and the concept in itself is something movie worthy, - so if you  throw in a large breast, small waist, video game, action heroine, -  it should work right? Not in reality, okay I admit I never played the video game but I know Laura Croft is part Carmen San Diego, and she was part Indiana Jones, but now she is part James Bond using high tech gimmicks to escape and awe. She has the bodily dimensions to inspire young girls and entertain adolescent boys but she doesn't have too much else for the rest of us. I mean, I am not tripping like the press and saying that Angela Jolie has big beautiful, luscious lips because my girls has those lips, my mom has those lips, and most of the women I know, have those big luscious lips. Somehow nobody was made to appreciate them until they showed up on Angela Jolie but its okay - it's not her fault. And neither is the script.

This Tomb Raider installment is much better than the first one but this movie doesn't really get interesting until they get to the "Cradle of Life" & "Civilization". The action got really good when they hit Kenya but that wasn't until the last 35 minutes of the film. We know she's an action hero so I wasn't trippin' when she punched out a shark and then rides him to the surface to get air - I just grin and say go Laura!

Hopefully you won't be annoyed as I was by people calling each other on cell phones when they are like 5 feet away from one another or having cell phones that work in caves, in areas that don't have a antenna within a hundred miles. These "super international cell phones" that are suggested by the film must be the type that Osama bin Laden has in his Afghanistan cave. What is annoying is the implication that people can travel from continent to continent by helicopter. That anybody can just fly into a country without any gov't clearance. The violation of airspace is not even considered. The primitive images of a unknown isolated Kenyan tribe that help Croft preserve Pandora's Box make average movie goers believe in the back of their mind that Kenya is poor thus "they ain't got a military anyway", so people can just fly in there and do whatever they want .That is why the bad guys jest flew in with AK 47's and street sweepers and the Kenyan groups were throwing spears at them. In real life Kenya has an Army, Navy, Air Force, paramilitary General Service Unit of the Police and over 200 airports. The way that the good and bad guys just come and go freely inside the country ain't happening in reality. The subliminal suggested message is even more general. It says Africa is weak and backward  because movie goers are not looking at this as Kenya, it ' s just Africa to them.

Despite its many flaws the films visuals are global and breathtaking showing Greece, China,  and Kenya but this film is only visual. You won't be able to recall much of what you saw within 20 minutes of leaving the theatre. This may be some slick trick to get you to buy the DVD and watch it again as if it is new. In the end Croft becomes a tomb preserver not raider but she should preserve her dignity and not follow this up with a part 3,  let the game speak for itself. - Nuff said

---

Tupac Resurrection Category: Crime/Gangster, Documentary, Musical/Performing Arts and Drama Rating: R for strong language and images of drugs, violence and sex. Run Time: 1 hr. 55  min.

Starring: Tupac Shakur

Directed by Lauren Lazin

Produced by Preston Holmes, Karolyn Ali, Afeni Shakur, Lauren Lazin

Written by: N/A

Distributed by Paramount Pictures

Release Date: November 14th, 2003.

Synopsis: A documentary about the pivotal hip-hop artist Tupac Shakur that is narrated entirely in the words of the deceased artist himself. Through a variety of interviews, journal readings, poetry performances, private home movies, and never-before-seen concert footage, the film serves as a "self-portrait" of a cultural icon whose career and persona, both, continue to grow from beyond the grave.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: B+

This is a great public relations move for the legacy of Tupac. Despite all of the spitting and other antics shown in this film. Pac comes off looking like a saint. Then again that is what MTV does best, they love any episodes or events that are halfway sensationalized. They could take a 20 second spit clip and turn it into a 1/2 hour drama on spit violence. This posthumous effort is the marketing genius of a mom. After seeing this I went home and put all Pac's albums in my CD carousel changer and hit play. I almost brought the movie soundtrack, Tupac Ressurrection but the hype died downed because I remembered he was dead and there was not going to be anything new from him on it. It was fun while it lasted but the most impressive thing about the movie is that the narration is done as if this documentary was being filmed in the event of his death or in other words as if he knew he was going to die a violent death, which he probably did. But even so its an incredible story, even if they only tell part of the story. If Tupac were alive he would like this movie. His fans love that this film allows him a platform to present whatever he feels without being challenged. Although I did enjoy this film, I think film critic Esther Ivereem sums it up in a nutshell when she says, "We are forced to live through all the juvenile hype and media manipulation all over again from that era when MTV made hip hop stars into Black 'leaders,' while, at the same time, further wresting of control of the music from the Black community." It can even be said that MTV uses the movie to attack Black leadership in a biased and over simplified way. If you are a Tupac fan this movie is a must see. In the end however it won't change the complex reality of who Tupac really was, although many of his fans like to ignore certain aspects of his persona. -Nuff said

---

28 Days Later Category: Science Fiction/Fantasy, Thriller and Art/Foreign Rating: R for strong violence and gore, language and nudity. Run Time: 1 hr. 48 min.

Starring: Cillian Murphy, Naomie Harris, Megan Burns, Christopher Eccleston, Brendan Gleeson

Directed by Danny Boyle

Produced by Andrew MacDonald

Written by Alex Garland

Distributed by Fox Searchlight

Release Date: June 27th, 2003.

Synopsis: A virus that locks those infected into a permanent state of killing rage, is accidentally released from a British research facility. Carried by animals and humans, the virus is impossible to contain, and spreads across the entire planet. Twenty-eight days later, a small group of survivors are trapped in London, caught in a desperate struggle to protect themselves from the infected. As they attempt to salvage a future from the apocalypse, they find that their most deadly enemy is not the virus, but other survivors.

Ooh Papi Says: Overall: C+

Selena (Naomie Harris) is the obvious leader of what is left of the human race, and that is so cool. Unlike the classic end-of-the-world movies, 28 Days doesn't have a hint of nuclear apocalypse. The political commentary shows fanatic animal rights activists who unthinkingly unleash chaos on England by attacking the lab and freeing the mad monkeys. It just makes you hate them and not think about their cause, although a sometimes vegetarian myself, people associate Vegans with them and I don't like being aligned with people who care more about animals than other humans. Anyway the madly infectious virus stems from artificially induced psychoses developed in test monkeys, and in 28 Days it reduces England to mass chaos and slaughter. Boyle and Garland cleverly introduce their protagonist, quiet, long-haired, Jim (Cillian Murphy), after his recovery from a coma. He discovers the effects of the virus - a gray London with bare, savage streets but honestly London looks like that all the time. After he comes out of his coma, he awakes in an abandoned hospital. Wandering through wrecked London, seemingly abandoned except for psycho rage-heads, he watches these violent victims killing and infecting at will. Europe is actually a very believable place for this film because more disease has ravaged this continent than any other throughout history. Many millions died of bubonic plague a.k.a. Black Death, Smallpox, etc. History's worst human disease pandemics occurred, when Europeans brought to the New World all the diseases they'd developed - and developed resistance to - from their interaction with domestic livestock. Dr. Jared Diamond, author of "Guns, Germs and Steel," says we got measles, tuberculosis, and smallpox from cattle; influenza from pigs and poultry; and yellow fever from African monkeys. America had about 20 million inhabitants when the Europeans landed. Ninety percent of that number probably died within the first century of European arrival, the vast majority as victims of the European animal-derived diseases. It's too bad these diseases last for years not a mere 28 Days. Some times this film seemed like a documentary and that is what makes this film realistically scary but conventionally un-scary. Recently SARS which was allegedly an airborne virus was basically stopped in its tracks during our 21st century so this overnight world contamination virus should have come out earlier or much later but not right now. Then again most people don't follow current events so I am not sure how scary this movie will be to the average person. I hated the soundtrack and the gothic feel but I think this movie won't be able to scare Americans. In addition this film probably depends on your understanding of human nature and society. This film should not be judged on whether or not it is scary, and really it is not. 28 Days takes Americans out of America and god knows that ethnocentrism doesn't allow for Americans to become scared looking through the eyes of anybody else in 2003, even if it is a loyal ally like Britain .

---

Underworld Category: Action/Adventure, Romance and Suspense/Horror Rating: R for strong violence/gore and some language. Run Time: 2 hrs. 01 min.

Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Scott Speedman, Bill Nighy, Danny McBride, Michael Sheen

Directed by Len Wiseman

Produced by Robert Bernacchi, Gary Lucchesi, Tom Rosenberg, Richard S. Wright

Written by: Danny McBride (II), Kevin Grevioux, Danny McBride

Distributed by Screen Gems (Sony)

Release Date: September 19th, 2003.

Synopsis: Set in the secret nocturnal and supernatural world of vampires and werewolves, two groups that have been at war for centuries, this is the story of a romance between a female vampire warrior, Selene (Beckinsale), who's famous for her strength and werewolf-hunting prowess, and a peace-loving human, Michael (Speedman), who wants to end the war.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: B+

Underworld is a unique story of Vampires Vs Werewolves (also called Lykens). It’s unique because in the world of horror films these type of mythical creatures usually are seen as playing on the same team. To us they are all bad monsters. This film operates within a subculture, whereby humans are on the periphery and not really significant or part of the story unlike most vampire/ werewolf films which operate around humans.  The one human in the film is very significant to the plot and he becomes deeply mixed in the underworld. The plot unravels slowly but very craftily for viewers because we learn that once blood from one vampire goes to another so do many of the memories of that person. They know all that you know or experienced and because of this unique aspect the film is allowed to unfold to us slowly through several characters and a long history gets shared in a short time. Underworld is a busy film in its symbolism and story telling, and in fact it didn’t all come together until the end of the movie. That is what I liked about it most. It was like 5 minutes left in the film before I figured it all out. Usually I know what will happen with about 30 minutes left in a film

Both the vampires and Werewolves have a token black guy who is like a hot-shot general on their side. Outside of them, the only darkness is the scenery and setting. Underworld does borrow a little from the Matrix in style, backdrops of dark images but that is where the comparisons stop. In this film the theme is that everything is not as it seems. The story starts off presenting the vampires as a reluctant group of fighters simply trying to fend off the warlike wolves. Initially I was cheering for the Vampires until I realized that the werewolves largely symbolized us as African-Americans and our situation here. I know you’re thinking “man get the hell outta’ here”, but it’s true. The wolves used to be slaves to the Vampires and many of them were born into servitude. The vampires benefited from this relationship for many years. Their current exalted status in the underworld is based on this unbalanced receiving relationship of previous vampires. The history of the vampires is built on lies, their history book blinds them to the truth of their total legacy and most of the vampires don’t even know it. They have some vampires who know the true history of the vampire leaders and secretly want a balance for the underworld society between the Lykens and Vampires, I guess they are sort of like progressive whites. The werewolves are depicted as less humane than vampires and in truth they are not. They have less resources as a group, vampires have Mercedes Benz and Mansions but the wolves live down in the sewers. If a regular vampire and a werewolf fight, the werewolf is gonna kick the vampires ass. I say regular because vampire leaders are no joke. The vampire leader does not want any race mixing between Lykens & Vampires. He forbids it. He fears it because it is in his own personal interest the keep the divisiveness going between the two groups. They have been battling for centuries and the vampires think that the werewolves are mostly extinct but they are not close to dying out. I can’t mention much more without giving up the plot, but there will be a part 2 but if you don’t like Werewolves or Vampires don’t go see this but if you like a good story full of relevant symbolism go see this. Nuff Said.

---

Willard Category: Thriller, Suspense/Horror and Art/Foreign Rating: PG-13 for terror/violence, some sexual content and language. Run Time: 1 hr. 40 min.

Starring: Crispin Glover, Jackie Burroughs, Laura Elena Harring, Kim McKamy, R. Lee Ermey

Directed by Glen Morgan

Produced by Bill Carraro, James Wong, Glen Morgan

Written by Glen Morgan

Distributed by New Line Cinema

Release Date: March 14th, 2003.

Synopsis: A social misfit, Willard (Crispin Glover) is constantly humiliated in front of his co-workers and squeezed out of the family business by his boss (R. Lee Ermey). His only friends are Cathryn (Laura Harring), a new temp in the office, and a couple of rats he raises at home, Ben and Socrates (and their increasing number of friends). But when one of the rats is killed at work, Willard unleashes his rage - and his army of rats - on his tormentors.

Ooh Papi Says: Overall: C+

Okay this was  the piped piper meets Ben. Remember when Michael Jackson sung Ben. That song was so gentle and loving it was hard to imagine a rat so instead you thought about a mouse. Well Willard takes Ben and makes him a disobedient rat on steroids so it doesn't exactly mesh with that other image. In the movie the main character, Willard, is a weird rodent loving super sensitive man who manages to gain major juice with rats, actually 1 or 2 rats in particular. If you are squeamish skip this film full of attacking rats and their feces - my kids wanted to see it so what was I to do. I enjoyed it for what it was a rat movie. It's amazing how they got the "rat actors" to do some of those stunts (LOL). They used some CGI effects to make it look like there were thousands of rats and that they were well coordinated, but of course that wasn't the case. Most of the film you're tripping off the rats, its not like they really endear you to Willard's character cause he is a weird dude. He is a super loner, ruined by his parents upbringing, who is scared of women and lives in his own world inside his own mind. You don't know how to deal with him. Do we sympathize with him or empathize with his situation. I couldn't figure out how to handle him, so I was just watching the rats, do their thing. Come to think of it Willard could be Michael Jackson. 

---

Wrong Turn Category: Suspense/Horror Rating: R for strong violence and gore, some language and drug use. Run Time: 1 hr. 30 min.

Starring: Eliza Dushku, Jeremy Sisto, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Desmond Harrington, Lindy Booth

Directed by Rob Schmidt

Produced by Robert Kulzer, Erik Feig, Brian Gilbert, Stan Winston, Brian J Gilbert

Written by Alan McElroy, Adam Cooper, Bill Collage, Lawrence O'Neil

Distributed by 20th Century Fox

Release Date: May 30th, 2003

Synopsis: A wrong turn leaves a group of young people trapped --- and hunted ­ in the West Virginia wilderness. Makeup and creature effects created by Stan Winston.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: D-

This is one of those horror films that never scares you. It's a movie that falls into the "Waiting to Exhale" category, by this I mean everybody is simply waiting to see what the monsters look like. After that you can exhale. When you see the monsters, don't trip cause they are not really monsters its more like a family of retarded people, who are mad cause they are not normal. They control a 4 square mile area in West Virginia, where they booby-trap and kill anybody that comes through that territory. Although it is West Virginia the scenario is just too unbelievable, we never know how these genetically modified humans got to be like that, why they're vicious, why only horny white spring breaking college students stumble into the area in question time after time, only to be picked off one by one by retarded monsters who have an IQ of about 50 combined, but manage to outsmart pre-med students, young authors, etc. Anyway even if you don't go to see this don't fret you've seen it before just think of the movie "The Hills have eyes" and take out all of the scary parts. The realest thing about this movie is that there are no black people in this West Virginia town, not even the token Negro who is placed in their to get killed first, is in this movie. That doesn't stop the rest of it from being quite predictable though, at least you won't waste much time its only about 90 minutes and they have the nerve to set this up for a sequel. - Nuff Said

---

X2: X-Men United Category: Science Fiction/Fantasy and Action/Adventure Rating: PG-13 for sci-fi action/violence, some sexuality and brief language. Run Time: 2hr. 04min.

Starring: Patrick Stewart, Hugh Jackman, Famke Janssen, Halle Berry, Brian Cox

Directed by Bryan Singer

Produced by Lauren Shuler Donner, Ralph Winter, Avi Arad

Written by Zak Penn, Michael Dougherty, Dan Harris

Distributed by 20th Century Fox

Release Date: May 2nd, 2003

Synopsis: The X-Men have opponents new and old to face this time around. Magneto is back, but there is also a threat to Professor Xavier's school for mutants led by a human named Stryker.

Bruce Banter Says: Overall: A-

If you guessed that I am a comic book fan, you would be correct but my profile icon probably gives me away. Again if you know the X-Men from your youth like me you will likely agree that the first X-Men was weak. Some believe that was because 45 minutes of the original footage was cut out. But X-Men 2 is Bananas! I felt 16 again. Most of the older hip-hop generation grew up reading more books in their spare time, especially comic books, but I think the reading part helped our creative juices and therefore it is a big difference in the creative imagination and artwork of those my age and those coming up now in the entertainment industry. However this film is perfect for the "now generation" since it is shot at a blazing 24 frames per second. The now generation probably doesn't realize the deeper story or model that X-Men is created after. The perspectives of Charles Xavier and Magneto are the main forces that have carried the X-Men for the last 30+ years. It’s the most "successful brand" in marvel comics including Spider Man. In essence the original creators patterned them after the 2 most popular figures the African-American community has ever known. Magneto is Malcolm-X and Charles Xavier is Martin Luther King. In actuality, very few consciously realize this paradigm that has been written about extensively. If you don’t believe me I got links for you on the topic. Yes white liberals like Stan Lee hooked us up but they couldn't make them black, it would have been too obvious. It’s too bad that liberalism was not apparent in the first 5 minutes of the film. That’s when director Brian Singer decided to have the super evil antagonist (William Stryker) wearing a Muslim insignia on his ring while signing a brief. He’s not a Muslim in the comic book series. It was subtle but it brings unnecessary controversy to an otherwise fantastic movie. The fact that he is Jewish will only magnify criticism. Singer is young, but at 36 he is old enough to know better. He must still be trying to make up for not being "Jewish enough" when he was young. Ironically, in his youth he was once part of the Nazi club in New Jersey but recently he was labeled as "young Hollywood's great Jewish hope" in an interview. I still can't believe he did something so dumb to such a great movie especially since "prejudice and bias" are the themes throughout the movie and has always been in the tale of X-Men. If the public overlooks this post 9/11 hate Muslim propaganda it will be a shame. It should be removed immediately and definitely should not be in the DVD in a few months. Movie goers should pay careful attention to the numerous parallels between the anti-war movement footage and the anti-mutant registration footage that's just one of the many ways that post 911 thinking has influenced this complex comic creation. - Nuff Said

[At its most abstract, the X-Men stories are an observation about human xenophobia but on the forefront its a question of which rode to choose between Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr.Need more analysis, try these. http://www.shinyshelf.co.uk/article/3/st/590, http://www.outlanders.fsnet.co.uk/tlh0506.htm, http://wwww.playahata.com/pages/morpheus/xmen.htm

---

©2000 Playahata.com®