2001 Satires


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November/December 2001


2001 Ten Commandments Movie Poster

Hollywood- New Live Cinemas has chosen Sean Carter a.k.a. Jay-Z to play Almighty God in a new millennia remake of The Ten Commandments. The film will also feature Charlton Heston as Moses. When asked about the film Jay-Z said he was originally contacted about the role 2-3 years ago. “At first I was a little hesitant with all the high expectations but then after I officially started calling myself Jehovah (Jay-Hovah) and nobody complained I realized the movie role had some potential. By the time they asked me again this year, it was a real 'no-brainer' for me”. When asked whether he feared his new role would change his fans perceptions of him Jay-Z added, “I don't think their perceptions will change, if anything I think this will confirm perceptions fans already had. Most of my fans worship me and I started calling myself God (Jehovah) a while back so this only makes it easier for them”.
Pat Robertson Jerry Falwell

Meanwhile TV evangelist Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson issued a joint statement condemning Jay-Z's selection. In the statement Falwell and Robertson said, “ A lot of people think our opposition to this selection is because he's black but that's not true! We have no problem with people of any race and we would rather see a Nigga play God than a Faggot or a Dyke any day. Our problem is with the fact that Jay-Z isn't even a Christian”.



September/October 2001


Hollywood- Rappers Jason “Jadakiss” Phillips and Jeff “Ja Rule” Atkins are set to star in “Street Shells”, the fourth installment in the “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” movie series. Universal Pictures actually began shooting the film months ago and it is near completion but paperwork was recently finalized that will allow for the films release. “Streets Shells” was written and directed by Quentin Tarantino and is set for release in the Spring of 2002. When asked about the film Tarantino said, “I'm just happy to get an opportunity to work with my Niggas, Kiss and Rule. They keep it real for all the real live street Niggas like myself who grew up living that street life”. Tarantino is also said to have wanted Phillips and Reynoldds for the film because they were able to play their parts without costumes and very little special effects. Phillips plays all of the Mutant Ninja Turtles (Donatello, Leonardo, Michaelangelo, and Raphael) at different points in the movie without makeup (except the shell). Atkins plays the Turtles' martial arts teacher and spiritual guide, “Master Splinter”, who is a mutated half-rat, half-man hybrid. In “Streets Shells”, Jadakiss leads the turtles on a mission against a rival street gang led by The Infamous 'Papi' who many may be familiar with because of his guest appearances on numerous rap albums, including Jadakiss' recently released Kiss the Game Goodbye. (Below are some scenes from the movie and during shooting).

Jadakiss Headshot 1

Kiss out of costume
Jadakiss Headshot 2

Kiss in costume
Ja Rule

It's Rule Baby!
Kiss ties up 'Papi'

Kiss holds 'Papi' hostage over drug money.

Jadakiss Rolling a Joint

It's not all hard work. Jadakiss finds time to roll a blunt of his beloved hydro during shooting.
Jadakiss Smoking a Joint

And that blunt definitely did not go to waste.
Jadakiss Performs Turtle Rap

Kiss rocked the house during this performance in “Street Shells”



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