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December

The Sugar & Shit Times 
The Oldest American Virgin: Condoleeza Says She Won’t Be a Skeeza Reveals Retirement Plans
By Jupiter "Gadfly" Hammon, Reporter At Large

Washington — Condoleeza Rice talks frankly with SST revealing her plans to be a national spokesperson for the Abstinence Until Marriage Movement after retirement from politics. In an exclusive interview, Rice tells the Gadfly, “We as African Americans have for far too long been portrayed as sexually promiscuous. I want to promote images that counter that of the video whore bombarding the American people.” She admitted that at age 50, she is still a virgin and will continue a life of celibacy until Mr. Right comes into her life.

The Gadfly says hmmm…. [SIGH]

Well if loving you is wrong then no one should want to be your Mr. Right.

Condoleeza has beat out A.C. Green of 1980s L.A. Lakers fame as the oldest living American virgin (nuns don’t count).

But I must say that a vagina is a terrible thing to waste. Dem dry bones now. Dat sea done dried up. Or better yet, it's the Dead Sea. Either way, swimming is no longer a possibility.

Needless to say, Condi wasn’t pleased with my comments. You could say that she was quite salty. Adding that "I probably didn't have what it took to satisfy a woman like her anyway".

NEW YORK — NBA Commissioner David Stern said Monday in a league wide memo that he was amending the memo on the player’s new dress code to include “language restrictions”. The commissioner announced that players would not be allowed to use the “N” word as a term of endearment or in casual conversations.

The commissioner re-iterated that his talk about professionalism, representation, accessibility to fans and community service is not only what we see but also what players say, re-enforcing his earlier mandate and making it clear he feels his league has an image problem.

Ignoring the language code is not an option. "Teams and players will be subject to fines" for violating the language code, said NBA spokesman Tim Frank. "Repeat offenders will be subject to suspensions." It doesn’t matter if you are repeating the lyrics to a gangsta rap song or greeting a teammate in a friendly manner, the word nigga in any of its slang forms will not be tolerable. This is not the street, this is a business and players should be careful about what type of music they listen to while at work, if you cant surf for porn while working for Microsoft, you cant use pornographic language at work.” Stern said we want to stop this before they start calling managers and coaches nigga”

Some image consultants say it's a smart move.

"How you speak creates first impressions," said Paul McGruder, who heads Powerful Presence, an image consultant firm in Pebble Beach, Calif. "For the league, it needs to be controlled. One bad apple can ruin things for the whole league.

Player Reaction

"At the rookie transition (meeting), they showed a graph of fans' perspectives on sports, and our image is the lowest in all sports — football, hockey, baseball. If this is going to change the image that people have, that's good." -Deron Williams, Utah Jazz

“This sh!t is fu$%ed up, if I wanna call Chris Weber my NIG, dawg, homie or whatever, that ain't nobody business - even white players is saying what’s up Nigga. Its all good now, it don’t hurt no more cause we rich now, this ain't slavery days.” - Allen Iverson, Philadelphia 76ers

"For game days, it's cool. But just for a normal practice and traveling to the next city for a game, I don't think it's necessary. We're just traveling. You should be able to say whatever you want. If you're on IR and on the bench, you need to be able to just talk freely as long as you don’t say that about fans shit should be cool cause we entertainers and they use the word in movies.”- Ron Artest, Indiana Pacers

Jay Leno, the comedian and host of the highly rated "Tonight Show," interrupted his monologue yesterday evening to deliver an unscripted tirade about the "white people who think Spam is a food group." After making a joke about famed white rapper and trailer park alumnus Eminem, Leno paused for several seconds before looking directly into the camera and asking if he could "speak truthfully" for a minute.

For the next 86 seconds, the host held forth on "these slobs who sit around smoking Crystal Meth all day, ignoring their kids and those six half-starved dogs tied to the engine block in the front yard." He appeared to be particularly upset about the lack of a work ethic and the low priority placed on education. "Let's be honest," he said "poor white people are behind most of America's problems right now. They sit around in cut off shorts, with their Miller beer and play Grand Theft Auto, meanwhile little Brittany and Amber don't know how to read."

When one audience member angrily yelled "What about the black people?" the comedian responded "Listen, way more of your tax dollars are going to trailer parks than housing projects. It takes a lot of dumb kids to become 17th in the world in math and not all of 'em live in Harlem."

Critics have accused Leno of stealing material from Bill Cosby, the sitcom star and pudding pitchman who delivered a politically incorrect critique of poor black people at an NAACP dinner last year. Cosby, who had faded from the public eye since the cancellation of his most recent television show, immediately became a hot topic of conversation. Some argue that Leno's speech was an attempt to stave off a dip in the show's ratings. There is also speculation that Mr. Cosby has set into motion a new Hollywood fad (Margaret Cho, George Lopez and Ellen DeGeneres were reportedly approached to do similar attacks on Asian Americans, Hispanics, and lesbians respectively.)

Among Mr. Leno's more controversial statements was his allegation that "Twenty years ago, you had probably a couple hundred black guys smoking crack and it's the end of the freakin' world. Now you got every part-time Wal-mart employee in the country doing crank (and that's at least a couple of million people) and its like 'The Sound of Music' out here."

Executives at NBC immediately distanced themselves from Leno's comments saying that the network was "committed to diversity - even among white people." Leno was immediately criticized by conservative groups. Ken Melman, the director of the Republican National Committee pointed out that "the people he's talking about have never had affirmative action to fall back on, they aren't sought out by the entertainment or sports industries; there's really no comparison. White people have never had the attention of guilty white liberals." When word of Mr. Melman's comments reached Mr. Leno, he fired back acerbically, "Yeah, what do you call FDR?"

Mark Pittman of the Christians for Capital Punishment Coalition remarked that "A lot of people are accusing Mr. Leno of being a far right conservative, but that's ridiculous - blaming white people for the problems in this country is about as liberal as it gets."

The negative response has not been confined to political quarters. Whites in Vermont, Maine, Iowa, Utah, Montana, Alabama, Texas and Minnesota are organizing to ban Mr. Leno from performing in their states. Nascar has officially forbade him from attending any of their races. Conversely, Mr. Leno was invited to give the keynote address at the National Urban League's annual convention and there is talk of him being nominated for an NAACP Image Award. According to one NAACP member who asked not to be identified, "Anything that makes white folks look bad helps us look that much better."

William Jelani Cobb is an assistant professor of history at Spelman College. His book, To The Break of Dawn: The Tradition, The Blues & The Roots of Hip Hop will be published by NYU Press next year. He can be reached through his website  www.jelanicobb.com.

Playahata Times: 
Section B66: Handlin' Yo' Business Section
by Sherrance Henderson

Harlem, New York - Violence erupted at an African American day parade when a Caucasian man, dressed in a full length, designer Klu Klux Klan outfit by Tommy Hilfiger, suddenly jumped out of a yellow cab at the parade's busiest intersection at 125th Street and Lenox Avenue. "

It was bananas, man. The parade just stopped an' shit. Music cut off and everything," said one man with his first and last name tattooed on his neck but who refused to identify himself. "It's like niggaz had seen a ghost an' shit, na' mean?"   

The Klansman, who was running late to his appointment at a Fashion Week event taking place downtown, sought to cut his travel time in half by taking a local route. When the Klans man's turban clad cab driver Akhmed Muhammed, began to discuss his dreams of
"blowing up," to the Klansman, the Klansman, fearing for his safety, swiftly jumped out of the cab and into the hands of a shocked and angry crowd.  

Sherrance Henderson is the author of Sunshine Has Rain (www.ImperiousPublishing.com). Her next novel, The Ten Year Date  will be out fall 2005.

(July 5th - New York City) The street literature (street lit) explosion and recent allegations of plagiarism against some of its authors has inspired rapper 50 Cent to enter the publishing game. The rapper reportedly inked a deal with Harper-Collins to helm an imprint called 9 Shots Press. 

The imprint seeks to take advantage of the massive resurgence of novels about pimps, strippers, kingpins and other underworld characters currently popular with urban youth. Although many hip hop artists have published their bios with major houses, and the debut novel The Coldest Winter Ever by “raptivist” Sista Souljah is credited widely for renewed interest in fiction about street life, the launch of 9 Shots Press marks the first time an artist has ventured into the literary world at the executive level.

“The publishing industry’s getting just as shady as the music business, and I’m here to clean it up,” said the drug-dealer-turned-multi-platinum rapper at a press conference at the McDonald’s across the street from the Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture. “Just because a nigga’s illiterate doesn’t mean he ain’t got a damned good story to sell. But you got these wankstas out here jacking a real G’s bio, passin’ it off as fiction, and keepin’ all the loot. I’m finna to put an end to that.”

The rapper refers to the recent wave of lawsuits accusing novelists in the genre of plagiarism. In the most notable case, Stagg R. Leigh of Albion Correctional Facility in New York claims to be the true author of the novella "My Pafology" which appears in the novel "Erasure" written by Percival Everett. Publisher’s Weekly praised Erasure as “an over-the-top masterpiece about an African-American writer who ‘overcomes’ his intellectual tendency to ‘write white’ and ends up penning a parody of ghetto fiction that becomes a huge commercial and literary success.” The parody written by Everett’s protagonist under the pseudonym Stagg R. Leigh is "My Pafology" and appears halfway through the novel.

“Parody my ass. That’s my life story,” said Leigh. “I writ that shit.” If his lawsuit against Everett is successful, 9 Shot Press will move to re-publish "My Pafology" for its inaugural release as a stand-alone title. The author of twelve critically acclaimed books, Everett insists that he penned My "Pafology", and that it’s mere coincidence that his main character’s alter ego and accuser share the same name. “Meanwhile, Erasure didn’t even do that well,” he said from his office at the University of Southern California where he teaches English. “I think it sold one hundred copies at best.”

No stranger to prison, 50 Cent vows that 9 Shot Press will only publish novels by authors whose criminal records could be verified “to ferret out poseurs.” When asked if he also intended to edit the manuscripts he acquired, the rapper quickly responded, “Fuck nah! That’s not keepin’ it real. Besides, I don’t know what the fuck you talking about.”

After pausing to confer with literary agent Stephan Fetchit, the rapper reconsidered. “Well, maybe we’ll do like the music industry does with CDs. Print a few copies with the curses deleted, you know, for the chirren. ‘Cause the more they read the better'n shit.”

“But we’re still keepin’ it gangsta,” he pledges. And that’s precisely what worries some in the African American community. The literary equivalent of gangsta rap, street lit has been attacked by African American leaders within and outside publishing for its gratuitous use of sex and violence, glorification of criminal behavior and perpetuation of stereotypes. Dr. Zora Morrison, the executive director of the Schomburg Center which denied 50 Cent’s request to announce his new venture at the world-renowned library said, “[Defenders of street lit] like to say, ‘Hey, at least kids are reading now. They’ll read My Pafology today then read Native Son tomorrow,” said Dr. Morrison who holds a doctorate in African American literature. “Now you try telling a decent parent, ‘Let your twelve-year old watch BET today, and she’ll turn on PBS tomorrow.’ It’s preposterous.”

“There was a time in this country when a Black person could be killed for knowing how to read. Not too long ago in order to get a poorly written novel published you had to be white.” he said. “Sometimes Black folks forget their history, and then the hatin’ begins”, Fetchit said. On that point, Morrison couldn’t agree more.

“I’d like to pump nine bullets into him right now,” she said.

Trina Truthtella is a writer based in New York City. Her essay When Cubans Become Vegans appears in the anthology The Unsavvy Traveler: Women’s Comic Tales of Catastrophe published by Seal Press. She can be reached at trinatruthtella@excite.com.

(June 3, New York City) Viacom's main music channels-MTV Networks and BET-will coordinate an unprecedented multi-channel promotion for an upcoming "Hip-Hop Is Dead" Week. "It's finally dead," said Viacom executive Tom Freston, "and for this we are grateful." He added, "An event of this magnitude demands that we leverage Viacom's assets into a spectacular funeral for a culture we've all tolerated for far too long."

The week will begin with a gala three-hour presentation entitled "Audi 5000: So Long to Hip-Hop", hosted by Flava Flav and C. Delores Tucker, featuring performances by Jack White, Nellie McKay, James Mtume, and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, and an hour-long speech delivered in grammatically proper English by noted anti-Ebonicist John McWhorter. "I will argue that 'Yo! MTV Raps!' caused test scores among rich white schoolchildren to decline," McWhorter told Playahata.com. "It is an American tragedy."

MTV Networks-including MTV2, MTVu, and VH1-will also air a half-hour documentary called "This Is How We Roll", a documentary about the Reverend Calvin Butts' attempts to stamp out hip-hop in Harlem during the early 90s, and a 4-part series, "And It Did Stop", tracing the rise of hip-hop culture from the streets of the Bronx to its demise in the ivory towers of the Ivy League, the planned communities of Outer Exurbia, the set of "Strange Love", and the offices of Bad Boy Records.

Programmers expect the death of hip-hop will allow MTV to return to its early 80s roots-before the channel played Michael Jackson or any black artists. "White rock is so back," said MTV program director Perry Noxus.

Sources say MTV2 and MTVu expect to increase their rotation of Italian techno bands and anything by They Might Be Giants. BET is replacing its "Rap City" and "106th and Park" shows with reruns of "The Old Negro Spiritual Hour" and infomercials. BET vice president Harrington Rentfield said, "It fits with our programming policy of never doing original shows where a cheap or paid syndicated program will do."

Civil rights leaders applauded Viacom's decision. "I'm glad my daughter doesn't have to watch or listen to this crap anymore," said Franklin Mooch, president of the Denver chapter of the I Marched With Dr. King Club, which claims a national membership of over 875,000. "Now my son can go back to listening to wholesome family artists like R. Kelly."

High-placed Viacom executives said the idea for "Hip-Hop Is Dead" Week began with a January 2005 cover story article in the Village Voice. "They started writing about it in the 80s so they should know", said Viacom head of urban marketing Prescott Vanderbilt. "We checked with our street teams in Idaho, and they confirmed it: hip-hop is dead." The article was written by Greg Tate, who told Playahata.com, "That's not what I said!"

In related news, rumors are flying that BET will be shut down shortly after "Hip-Hop Is Dead" week. "I mean all they play is hip-hop videos and movies with dead hip-hop guys in them," says an unnamed Viacom executive. "Who's gonna watch that now?" Regarding the rumors, BET founder and president Robert Johnson, vacationing in Aruba at his fourteenth home, could not be reached, but issued this statement through a representative: "Shit, I'm rich, biaatch!"

Jeff Chang is the author of Can't Stop Won't Stop: A History of the Hip-Hop Generation. .. Out now!

(Vatican City, Rome) - Since stepping into the papacy, Pope Benedict XVI, has been causing quite a stir at the Vatican. It is not his conservative tradition that is the source of such drama. It is his love for Hip Hop.

Apparently, after seeing how the young people loved Pope John Paul II, he felt pressure to “up the ante on spittin’ that Vatican game” as one insider put it. He had been apparently been investigating Hip Hop as an outlet to reach more young people even before Pope John Paul II was known to be ill.

“Pope John Paul II and Benedict had considered reaching out to Kanye West and other Christian rappers to rep the Vatican a little harder on the Ave. years ago” said Compton’s Cardinal T-Money.

T-Money is the secret Cardinal the press has been buzzing about since John Paul the II’s recent passing.

After Pope John Paul II’s passing the Cardinal’s had a vote. Most of the voting process has been kept secret for years...But it has a lot of Hip Hop styling’s he revealed. “Like, all the Cardinals get up and bust a spoken word joint, in Latin about why we should get the fly hat staff and stuff. We also have a battle dance that’s a lot like poppin’ and lockin’ "said Cardinal Money. The issue is not about whether or not we like Hip Hop“ said the Compton Cardinal “but rather, us making it public. We don't wanna do too much too soon”.

Apparently, before stepping out to greet the public, Pope Benedict XVI wanted to get the Vatican speakers set up to play Tupac Shakur’s “Hail Mary” instrumental and let him spit a few verses in Latin while doing the robot for the youngsters. But this was heavily frowned upon by a majority of the Cardinals who did not want the general public to know he has skills on the mic. The reason for the secrecy is unclear at this point. At the same time though, there is clearly a quiet movement within the Vatican to connect with the Hip Hop community.

“Soon we hope to have a religious rap summit with all the mic slayers who wear crosses or have them  tattooed  on their bodies. They will come to the Vatican and  talk about how we can use their influence to get  more  young people in church. DMX, Jah Rule, Lil Kim, we  fixin' to holler at all these rappers, man” said Cardial

Pope Benedict XVI was quoted in a taped closed door session at the Vatican saying “If they can use Hip  Hop to get these young people downing 40’s and  smoking  that sherm, they might as well kick some Vatican wisdom to the shorty’s as well. The block is hot. The  Muslim’s are getting too much love in Hip Hop. We need to step up our game on the streets forilla. Plus, I got more skills on the mic that Minister Farakhan on the last day of Ramadan. I’ll battle any religious cat  in lyrics. I want the young G’s need to stop c-walking and start V-walking. That’s’ what’s up”, he was  heard to say.

It was also stated by Cardinal Money that within the Vatican walls, Benedict is referred to as Bendeezay  the Sixteeezay. For more info visit the Vatican website were the new Pope is telling his people to “raise the roof” at:  http://www.vatican.va/phome_en.htm

This Monthly Satire was created by Adisa Banjoko a.k.a., "The Bishop of Hip Hop". He is the author of Lyrical Swords: Hip Hop and Politics in the Mix. The Bishop is a former radio host that blogs periodically and keeps his thoughts fresh on wwww.lyricalswords.com and www.lyricalswords.blogspot.com. Adisa is currently accepting stories from writers around the world for his upcoming book "Chicken Soup for the Hip Hop Soul". This book will be a compilation of 101 stories and creative accounts of people finding empowerment through Hip Hop and overcoming adversity. Guidelines for the stories can be found at www.myhiphopstory.com. The book will be co-authored by Kool Kyle, DJ Vlad, Jack Canfield, and Mark Victor Hansen.

(March 23rd, 2005. Long Beach, CA) - In a reversal of identities for one day, Snoop Dogg plays in the US Open, while Tiger Woods records two tracks at Snoop's studio. The two new friends, who are both at the top of their respective games thought it would be fun to switch lives for a day and watch people's reactions. 

With a squeaky clean reputation, Woods expressed fear that he wouldn't be taken seriously stepping into the rap game.

"Beeyatches had better recognize my game, and I don't mean golf," said Woods, fully pimped out in clothing from Snoop's closet. "If I can get good grades in English Literature, then I can certainly flow about some African Americans and whores on a musical track." 

Snoop, one of rap music's hard core icons, also expressed fear of entering an arena people would never expect him to embrace. "I really hope don't nobody clown me if my swing ain't on point like my rhymes," said Snoop. "Tiger already showed fools that a ni@@a can hit the link properly, so all Snoop gotta do is be consistent in the game." 

In a photo opportunity on the day of the exchange, Snoop appeared in role-clashing argyle sweater and a Taylor branded golf hat, carrying his own golf set. "I don't need no caddy, unless it's a white broad," said Snoop. "The brothers can kick it on the golf cart and just chill with me in between me hittin' the ball." In terms of his golf gear, Snoop had no hesitation in switching his look. "If a nI@@a is fly, then he's fly in whatever gear he's representin', you feel me?" 

Woods expressed the same comfort level in his divergent attire. "All I know is that Snoop is my friend," said Woods. "He would never let me look too silly. Plus, people don't really know that I have always wanted to say the word 'bitch' in public, so people will stop thinking I'm some kind of nerd. When they hear my new rap record, I think people will be surprised." The recordings by Woods will be placed on Snoop's upcoming album, with the proceeds going to an as yet unnamed charity. Woods will join Snoop on a few segments of his next tour and the two are preparing a new book, titled "The Best From Both Worlds."

Darryl James is the author of three books, Bridging The Black Gender Gap (a mini-book on relationships, which is the basis of his lectures and seminars), Detective's Affair (a murder/mystery, which is the basis of an upcoming film), and The Los Angeles Riots: Three Decades of Revolution, for which he won the Non-Fiction Award at the Chicago Black History Month Book Festival. Each of his books is described on http://www.tenaciousbooks.com. James is also a syndicated columnist ("The Bridge"), and archived installments of his column can be viewed at http://www.bridgecolumn.com.

Playahata Times: Entertainment Section
50-Cent and Game Kiss and Make Up At Harlem Press Conference
by Bruce Banter, Staff Reporter

(March 9th, 2005. Harlem, NY) - Grim-faced rappers 50-Cent and The Game settled differences with a handshake and some friendly cheek kisses at the Schomburg Center in Harlem. Although they barely looked at each other until the end of the event it made many fans happy. 

Shaking hands for the cameras after a week of potshots and gunshots. The end of hostilities was announced at a carefully orchestrated press conference sponsored by Interscope records. At the conference the artists donated a total of $253,000 to Revlon and Maybelline cosmetics and Hot-97 Radio Division Head, Rick Cummings who said that his station has received so much bad press that it was hard for him to sleep without some extra compensation.

Reading a prepared statement 50-Cent began, "In the shadow of the untimely death of Biggie, today marks the anniversary of his death, we're here today to show that people can rise above even the most difficult circumstances and together we can put negativity behind us. A lot of people don't want to see it happen but we're responding to the three most important groups, that's ourselves, our stockholders, and our fans." He continued, "this is an opportunity for people to see us make peace, donate money, and to set ourselves up to make even more money."

Amid a barrage of camera flashes, they whispered in each other ears, kissed,... kissed some more, and then shared an awkward embrace. Afterwards, they stood together as they flashed gangs signs with 50-Cent draping his arm over The Game's shoulder.

50-Cent, a Queens native whose real name is Curtis Jackson, and The Game, born Jayceon Taylor, thanked Hot 97 DJ Funkmaster Flex who brokered the truce by both the Interscope record label artist. After thanking Funkmaster Flex, the event closed with music by Funkmaster Flex who  played diss tracks by both artist while using his signature simulated "bomb dropping" sound effect and vowing never to play the songs again, at this event. 

Also in attendance were LL Cool J and Kool Moe Dee, Jay-Z and Nas, and T.I. and Lil' Flip.

(Feb 3, 2005. Chicago, IL) In an surprising move, rap mogul and urban culture pioneer Russell Simmons has been named president of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. Simmons, who is replacing Kweisi Mfume, the recently retired head of the one of the nation's oldest and most prominent Civil rights organization is expected to officially take command of the organization March 31, 2005, according to an NAACP spokesman.

Simmons, who in addition to turning Def Jam from a two-man college dorm operation in the early 80s into the biggest rap label in the world has a fortune estimated to be in the $500 million range. A longtime fixture on Wall Street "Big Rush" as he is known by many, gained further notoriety in 2004 as vocal political activist through his HSAN (Hiphop Summit Action Network) organization which helped turn out young voters 18-34 in record numbers.

While Simmons appointment is being hailed as badly-needed injection of new blood and vitality, many NCAAP insiders are disappointed by the move. "There 's 'black folks' and there's 'niggas'; and these fools done hauled off and hired a baggy pants wearin' slang-spittin,' bling-chasin' nigga!" complained Dr. O. Hellnawh, a 20 year NAACP member and professor of African-American Studies from Florida A&M University.

"They better not be playing nonna that 'bippity-bop, crunkety-junk' at my meetings. That garbage makes my nerves bad." Mrs. Mabel Johnson, an 80 year old chapter member from Georgia noted. "What that Simmons boy know about marching?! What he know about overcoming? What does he know about being a colored person?!" complained another longtime member who wished to remain anonymous.

During a recent closed-door NCAAP meeting, Simmons addressed some of the dissent and listed some of his plans for the organization's future. Here are exclusive highlights of Simmons' talk:

"I plan on carrying on the legacy so many have fought, sacrificed and died to gain. But I also want the NAACP to be a forward-looking organization--one that changes with the times, embraces the progress made and evolves with America's growing diversity and opportunities. With that said, my first order of business is to change the acronym of the NAACP to stand for NIGGAS ALWAYS AFTER CREAM and POWER."

At this point many in attendance simply fainted. Others attempted to rush the stage but were tackled by FOI members who Simmons brought in as security. Simmons calmed the grumbling by noting that, "We all niggas; and when I say 'nigga' I mean, 'Never Ignorant, Gettin' Goals Accomplished'. Besides, I originally wanted to call it NIGGAS AFTER ALL of CAUCASIANS' POWER, but I want to be a uniter, not a divider."

Simmons continued his speech by pointing out the NAACP's need to be more inclusive. "To be a champion of diversity we need to be more diverse ourselves. To that end, I'm appointing Eminem as my new vice-president. Say what y'all want, but Em's one of the realest niggas I know. He'll help this organization recruit more young members than all of us, combined."

Simmons also expressed his desire to extend executive positions to "Jin," a noted Asian rapper, someone named "Fat Joe," MTV's Ashton Kutcher and urban-pop songstress Christina Aguilera. "Under my direction, the NAACP will be a champion of equality, diversity, education and opportunity and as much interracial coochie as we can handle! We gon' party 'til the break of dawn and keep it on the one. In fact, when I'm thru with this joint, it'll be a true rainbow coalition." Simmons proudly summarized.

As Simmons left the meeting, he would not confirm or deny rumors of a planned NAACP album and a high-end NAACP inspired clothing line.

Hadji Williams is the author of Knock the Hustle: How to Save Your Job and Your Life From Corporate America. www.knockthehustle.com - It’s Hip-hop’s first success guide for business, culture, and life. 

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January

Ever since Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids came to life and stepped out of their animated, inner-city Philadelphia world in December of 2004, media activist and culture critics have reminded Cosby of his hip-hop roots. Rapper Nas said his newest album release was inspired from an old image Cosby created back in 1976. The image is said to come from an unreleased blue comedy album that he was going to release but never did . Nas said he obtained the image from his father Olu Dara who smoked blunts in Jazz Clubs with Bill Cosby back in the day. Bill Cosby was unaware of any such past connections and remained steadfast as he told Director Joel Zwick to un-Hip-Hop the Fat Albert film just in case.

Since the release of Bill Cosby’s Fat Albert Cartoon Media activist and culture critics have began to dig into Bill Cosby’s past. Source Magazine Media Watch expert Davey-D says, “The slow Ebonical style of Russell, who is one of Cosby’s most popular Fat Albert characters has influenced countless rappers, that he has interviewed over the years from Fabulous to Mase. Lynne Johnson, a Journalist with Vibe Magazine takes it one step further and says that “Cosby is a hip hop pioneer”, citing his early film characters in urban culture classics like Uptown Saturday Night (1974) and Let’s Do it Again (1975). Underworld types like Silky Slim, Geechie Dan and the most infamous Biggie Smalls who was played by Clavin Lockhart proved to be a key character that represented the smooth Underworld. The name was eventually stolen by rapper Christopher Wallace who took the moniker Biggie Smalls and re-introduced it in hip hop.

Such vague and indirect allegations carried little weight until a hometown Philadelphia Professor and good friend of Bill Cosby, Michael Eric Dyson gave Playahata.com the original Cosby blue Comedy album with the famous image. Cosby has yet to admit the images are actually of him and has submitted DNA samples to prove that it’s an extortion attempt by the NAACP to get more money from the philanthropist.

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